Hell And Back(55)

She places the blanket and pillow on the swing, sitting on the other side of it.

“I let him down, and I let my mother down. My father had just been killed in the line of duty, and we all handled it badly. Instead of stepping up to be the man of the house like I should have, I was out doing what any other normal eighteen-year-old would do. I knew he was hanging with the wrong crowd, but I didn’t realize just how wrong they were. I never, ever imagined he would get into drugs. Ever. I walked in on him with a needle in his arm, and the next day I chased him out of the house.”

“Jackson,” she whispers, shivering with either the breeze or the story, and I grab the blanket and wrap it around her.

“When I saw you in the alley with him on top of you…” Tears burn my eyes, ready to fall. “I just reacted and ripped him right off of you. When I saw his face and realized it was Adam, I thought I was imagining things. Seeing my brother, who I thought was dead, for the first time in seven years was too much. But all of that on top of what he was doing to you, who he was to you. I just snapped.” The tears I had been trying to hold back start to fall down my face. “I saw your blood on his hands, and I was filled with such rage. I knew right then and there I was going to kill him.” I hold my hands together to still the rage that courses through me at the memory.

She reaches over and places her hand on top of my own. “Don’t say that.”

“You have to know I had no idea who you were. I swear to you, on my life, I would never lie to you.”

The tears flow down her face now. The blanket slips off one of her shoulders. I reach out to pull it back into place, and my fingers graze her collarbone. Such a slight, simple touch, but her body responds with goose bumps.

“I can’t lose you, Bella. You own me. My heart, my body, my soul. Everything is yours. Sitting by your bed, watching you fight for your life knowing my brother did that to you, I can’t tell you what it did to me. I can’t explain it. It was worse than looking into my mother’s eyes across the table all these years.” I move a bit closer to her. “I would give my life for yours, I would give—”

She stops me by placing her fingers on my lips. “Don’t say it,” she softly whispers to me.

“I can’t leave you. I can’t walk away. If I have to sit out here every single night just to be near you, I will.” Her face is so close to mine, if I lean just a bit closer to her, our lips would touch, but I don’t want to push her.

I wipe a tear from the corner of her eye with my thumb. “What do I have to do to make you see I didn’t lie to you, not now, not fucking ever?” I plead with her. “What is it going to take to see you smile at me again with that light in your eyes?”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she says to me honestly.

“I sat by your bed all night, every night, holding your hand in mine just so I could feel your heartbeat under my fingers.” I brush my fingers along her wrist to show her what I mean. “Every single night, our heartbeats would match, if only for the night.”

“It was you?” she asks, a little bit shocked, but not totally surprised.

“I never left your side, not for one minute. I would never leave your side, Bella.” I pick up her hand and kiss her wrist where I had been stroking it.

She moves closer to me, her crossed leg resting on my thigh. “I felt you.” Her fingers trace the interlocking tattoo on my arm. “I didn’t know then it was you, but I suspected.” Her eyes come up to meet mine. “I felt peaceful in a way that I have never felt before then.” She scoots closer as I pull my hand from hers to let it rest on the back of the swing, giving her the choice to come to me.

“I felt safe, I felt whole, I felt love. Even as I slipped in and out of consciousness, I heard you there. Felt you there. I believe you.” She leans in and kisses me. Softly, gently, with love, like an angel. Like the angel she is.





Chapter Thirty-Seven


Bella





As soon as I found him on the swing, I saw in his eyes the pain he was in.

I knew the storm he was fighting within himself. Then he bared his soul to me. Shed his demons to me, opened himself to me.

I knew in that moment I loved him. I knew he would lay down his life for mine and for Lilah’s. I knew he hadn’t lied to me and he never would. I knew that in his arms, I would never feel fear.

It was also in that moment I took the second biggest leap of faith in my life. For me, for him, for us.

I also knew I had to be the one to make the first move. I had to show him that I chose him. That I believed him.

The minute I felt his lips against mine, I knew it was a kiss that would seal our fate in a way. It was a promise to each other, a commitment to take this leap of faith with each other. It was a promise that when things got difficult, instead of pushing him away, I’d be pulling him closer.