Hell And Back(46)

Leaving Brenda in the hallway, I make my way inside to Bella and Lilah. I walk into the hospital room, and all I see are the two small figures curled up in the bed.

Both of them are lying, looking toward the door. She will never have her back toward the door. I never noticed she did that before.

I have to step aside and calm down the anger that is running through me.

The images of her lying there in that alley bruised and beaten are something I can never erase from my mind. It’s also something I will never ever fucking let happen again.

I don’t know if she senses me or hears me, but her eye flutter open.

The swelling on her face has gone down, but still only one eye can open.

Her lips are also swollen, and she has one stitch on her lip with dried blood caked on it. I want to walk over there and take her in my arms.

Hold her, cherish her, promise her it will never happen again. But that look in her eye, I’ve seen it, it’s her hollow look.

She’s gone. The spirit that was slowly coming out is not there anymore. In its place is the same person who opened the door that first day. My vow to never stop pushing till that girl was gone for good is another reminder I failed her, again.

“What are you doing here?” she asks me in a whisper, trying not to wake Lilah up, who must have fell into a slumber as soon as she got to her mom. Brenda told me she wasn’t sleeping lately.

“I haven’t left your side since you came in,” I huff out, running my hand up my face through my hair, holding my neck after.

“I don’t want you here,” she says to me in a voice that is devoid of emotion. “I want you gone. I want to never see you again. I messed up my life once by falling in love with a monster, and I will not mess it up again by falling in love with his brother,” she says louder this time while she tries to sit up, but the pain must have been too much as she grimaced.

“We need to tal—” I walk toward her to get to her side, to touch her. Hold her hand, anything.

“We need to talk about nothing. You need to turn around and walk away. You need to forget we ever met. You need to pretend we don’t exist.” Her face is angry and hurt.

“No fucking way in hell is that happening right now or ever,” I say to her, holding my stance at the side of her bed. She needs to hear my words. She needs to see I’m not leaving without her.

“You can’t be a fucking hero to everyone. You can’t fucking save us. You can’t fucking change anything.” Her tone is hard, vicious, upset. One tear falls out of her eye. One lone tear. “Get back on your horse and leave us alone. You want to pretend to be a hero, make sure your brother never sees us. Make sure he forgets we are his.” She hisses out the last word. She’s a warrior and she geared up for war.

“I’m no one’s fucking hero, but I’m going to be yours. I’m going to make you safe again. I’m going to make sure Lilah never has the fear in her eyes that you do right now. I’m going to do that, and then we are going to get back to where we were headed before all of this happened.” My heart is pounding. The thought of never holding her again is too much to bear. The thought I could never hold her hand and just watch television is making my chest tight, making breathing hard.

“You’re a LIAR!” she yells out and sits up, no matter how much it hurts her. “You probably knew all along who I was. Did you know when we met I didn’t know he was an addict? Had no clue what drugs even were. Did you know the first time he hit me was because Lilah was crying too loudly for him, when he was trying to smoke crack? Did you know he sold MY BODY so he could get his next fix? Did you know the last time he did he tied me to the bed, after he had already landed seven punches to my face and five to my head? Did you know he then turned to his dealer and told him to have fun with me? Did you know before the dealer raped me, he hit me? Did you fucking know he locked my daughter in the closet where she heard her mother being beaten and raped while he stood in the corner with his crack pipe to his lips? Did you know I stopped believing in dreams? Nothing, nothing, is going to change that, nothing. Nothing. So please leave me to my hell. Leave me to deal with whatever God throws my way. I don’t have the energy to fight anymore, but I’ll die fighting for her to not follow into my footsteps.” Her chest is heaving, and the machines are starting to beep again.

The nurses along with Brenda rush in and take in the scene. “Bella, are you okay?” Brenda is the first one to ask.

“I’m fine, but I want him out of here.” She turns and looks at the nurse. “Call security if you have to, I want him out of here.”