Hell And Back(45)

He steps back, taking the cell from his pocket. His eyes have circles around them. His face is rugged with a beard. He looks exhausted.

Was it all a ploy? Was it all a ploy to catch me? Was anything real? One thing is for sure. I’m not going back to hell. I made it back once. Except, this time, losing Jackson might just be something I can’t come back from.





Chapter Thirty


Jackson





As soon as I walked in, I knew something was wrong. Her eyes were void.

I sat next to her holding her hand while they did their work around us, waiting for Brenda to bring Lilah in.

The minute I said she was up, I heard weeping and keys jingling in her hand.

My thumb rubs the top of her hand, limp in mine.

I’m waiting for everyone to leave before I talk to her. There are things she needs to hear from me. Things we need to discuss. But all that will have to wait because at that minute the door opens up.

Brenda walks in with a big smile on her face. Her eyes are still wet with tears, her hand holding fiercely onto Lilah’s hand.

As she walks in, Lilah runs to me, and I catch her right before she jumps in my lap.

“Momma.” She looks over at her mom. Bella’s eyes open, looking at her.

Tears start pooling in her eyes. “Baby.” She tries to hold out her hands to take her, but she can barely get the strength to lift her hand, let alone hold her.

Placing Lilah on the bed next to Bella, I tell her to be careful of the wires and tubes all around her.

She curls up into her mother’s side, careful to not touch anything.

Bella’s good arm holds her close. “I’m so sorry, baby, so, so sorry I left you.” She rubs her back while speaking with tears leaking into her pillow. “I promise to never leave you again.”

Lilah looks up at her, nodding.

I don’t even think she knows why she is agreeing, but just knowing her mother is here is good enough for her.

“I miss you, Momma.” Her little hand is lying on her mother’s stomach to not hurt her.

“I know, baby, I missed you so much.” She tries to bring her other hand over to hug her. “Did you have a sleepover with Ms. Brenda?”

“She sure did,” Brenda answers, coming close to the other side of the bed, taking her casted hand in hers.

“Thank you for taking care of her,” Bella says, looking at her.

“None of that.” She shoos away with her hand like it was nothing. “You scared me. You scared all of us,” she says, holding her hand in both of hers. Tears escape the side of her eyes, which she wipes away with her thumb.

“Jackson, why don’t we let these two talk? Little heart, I’m going to be right out that door, waiting for you when you're ready, okay? You can tell Mom all about the special dollhouse we just ordered.”

I follow her out of the room while I hear Lilah talk about her dollhouse.

Once the door closes, Brenda turns, her hands going to her hips. “What is going on? What happened? Is she sick? Why is she so vacant? That isn’t Bella in there. I know that look,” she tells me.

I haven’t had the full discussion with Brenda, but I have no choice but to do it now.

“Her ex, Lilah’s father, it’s Adam.”

Brenda pales. “What do you mean it’s Adam? Your brother ran away. We thought...” She doesn’t finish that sentence because we all thought he was dead. We just didn’t have the body.

“My brother did that to her. My brother is the reason those two are broken. Because of—” Before I can say more, Brenda holds up her hand.

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for this, Jackson. I have watched you, ever since I met you, for the last five years blame yourself for not saving him. I will not stand here and watch it anymore. He did this, not you, not Nancy, not anyone but that bastard,” she says loudly, shaking her head. “How is your mother?”

I shake my head no, hoping she doesn’t push the topic. She must feel my need to drop the subject.

“I don’t know what this is going to do to her. I don’t know how she will get back from this, Jackson.” She wipes the tears away from her face before they fall.

“I love her. All of her. The broken pieces, the whole pieces, the good, the bad, the ugly, everything. I love them. I’m not letting them go,” I tell her, hoping I have the strength for the battle I’m up against. Come hell or high water, I’m not giving up.

“She is going to fight you all the way,” Brenda says to me sadly, and I know she is.

This fight will be the fight of my life. But in the end, I’ll walk away with my heart full. I’ll walk away with the person I’ve learned that I can’t live without. The person I want my tomorrows and forevers with.