Hell And Back(16)

“Where is this couch going?” I sit down on the other love seat with the same flower print.

“We bought a new living room set today and get this, Jackson, a television. Nan must be turning in her grave laughing at us.”

I look over at Bella, who blinks away tears at the memories of Nan that are probably filling her mind.

“Nan would be laughing with us if she were here right now. You know, she once came to give me cookies for one reason or another. When I invited her in, she saw my seventy-inch television. She almost fell over her feet. She complained there was nothing so great on television to need one. She also spent four hours over that day watching a couple of movies with me.” I share my memory with her while Brenda laughs.

“Momma, I’m hubry.” Lilah stares at her mom. At the same time, Bella’s stomach groans loudly, making us all laugh. The sound of Bella laughing is the sweetest sound God has ever made. It must even be better than angels singing.

“Me, too. Why don’t we order some pizza?” I know she is going to argue, but Lilah speaks up first.

“Pissa like the last time?” She widens her eyes at me, waiting for my answer.

“Yup, just like last time. Would you like that?”

She nods enthusiastically.

“Perfect, I’ll order. Would you like to come with me to pick it up? Leave your mommy and Brenda to put away all this mess?”

“No,” Bella snaps at me, making Lilah retreat into Brenda. “I mean, it’s okay. She doesn’t get in the way here.” She tries to calm herself down. I see the way her chest is heaving like she just ran around the block on a hot blistering day at top speed. “You don’t have a car seat.”

Looking straight into her eyes, I see the battle she is fighting. I nod my head. “I didn’t really want to go pick it up anyway. I’ll just have it delivered.” I get up, making my way to the front door, taking my cell phone out while I call in the order.

My body is rattling with anger, shaking with the need to go in there and take her in my arms and promise her nothing will ever touch her again. I know it will only send her running in the other direction.

I place the order, putting it on my account, and turn around to go back inside where I see Brenda holding Lilah in her lap while Bella is organizing the bags.

“Okay, so the pizza should be here soon. You girls have fun with all these bags.” I nod my head down toward Lilah. “I ordered cheese just for you, princess.” I turn to walk toward the door.

“Where are you going, Jackson?” Brenda asks, making the noise of the bags rustling stop.

“I’m going to go. I have some things to do. You three enjoy the pizza.” And with those words, I walk out the door and don’t stop until I slam my door shut. I turn and punch the wall next to the door, leaving a huge hole in the sheetrock.

I make my way to the kitchen to wash off the blood that has started to trickle out. Flexing my hand into a fist under the water, I watch the blood and water swirl together on their way down the drain. The look of fear on her face when she thought I would be taking her daughter is more than my stomach can take.

I don’t know who did this to her, but if I ever find him, I’ll bury him ten feet deep. She has to trust me. She has to give me a chance. I have to show her she can be safe here. I have to show her not every man is evil like the devil. The only thing is how the fuck am I going to convince her or make her let me?





Chapter Ten


Bella





I just watch his retreating back, wanting nothing more than to call out to him to come back. But I know I can’t call him back. It’s better for him if he never sets eyes on us.

“Well, that was quite a show,” Brenda says to me while rocking Lilah side to side.

“I just, I can’t let him take her. I don’t even know him. What if something happened? What if she got scared, what if she got lost?” I’m almost hyperventilating.

“I don’t know who you’re trying to convince here, me or yourself?”

“I can’t do this. I promised her no more sadness. I promised her no more scared nights. I promised her only smiles from now on.” I pull four bags with me to the kitchen.

When we stepped into Bed Bath and Beyond, Brenda clapped her hands together like she had just arrived at Disney World for the first time. She picked Lilah up, placing her in the shopping cart, and was on her way.

We started in the bath department. Jesus, I’ve never seen so many different colored towels. She picked up bath towels, bath sheets, hand towels, and finger towels. She didn’t just pick up one color, either. Nope, she couldn’t do that, she got us four purple, four pink, and four white. I had no idea where I was going to put all these towels, but I’d figure it out since it made her so happy.