Hell And Back(15)

“Bastard,” I say to myself, pulling away from him and flipping him off as I make my way home.

My mind is all over the place, making lists in my head of things to do. Maybe I should write all of this down, make a plan I can stick with. One with boxes I can check and all. Who am I kidding? It’ll just be ignored and then wind up as another thing lying around collecting dust.

Pulling into my driveway, I look across the street to see Brenda, Lilah, and Bella unloading a ton of shit from Brenda’s car.

Walking over, I smile at Lilah, who gives me a shy smile while she looks down.

“Hey, what do we have here? Did you guys leave anything in the store?” I try to make the conversation light.

“Hey there, Mr. Muscle guy, you going to show us how big and strong you are by bringing in some bags?” Brenda jokes with me while Bella just looks toward the rest of the bags in the trunk.

“I have no choice now. My man card has been questioned.” I pick out about five bags filled with more throw pillows than any house needs.

“You really don’t have to. I’m sure you have other things to do,” Bella finally speaks to me in a soft voice.

“Nope, I’m not busy at all. I have the whole afternoon and some of the evening free. Besides, my mother would skin my butt if she knew I didn’t help.” I’m walking behind her while she makes her way into the living room.

When I finally take in the bags scattered all over the place, I’m really wondering if there is anything left at Bed Bath and Beyond.

“You guys were not kidding with this shopping thing. Lilah, how many of these bags are yours, huh?” I look over at Lilah, who is trying to walk around the minefield that is now the living room.

“I got a pink pillow for my room, but I can’t find it,” she says sadly while she walks around looking for the pillow.

“Baby, I will find the pillow as soon as I finish helping Ms. Brenda unload the car. How about you sit on the couch and wait,” Bella says while dropping her load of bags.

“I can finish outside with Brenda. Why don’t you find her pillow so she can have it?” I’m standing in the middle of the room and finally take her in. Today she is wearing some sort of black pants, tights that mold her legs. A long-sleeved jean shirt that’s one size too big on her, but she has the two buttons at the top open, showing just a touch of skin. The cuffs to the sleeves are tied tight so as to not ride up.

I’m standing here looking at her, trying to see what she’s fighting with. I know she wants to send me to hell. I know she wants to tell me to just go home. Heck, she might want to scream at the top of her lungs and tell me to fuck off. But she doesn’t do it.

“Sure.” One word. One word and I know it’s the end of the conversation, because she turns around and starts opening the bags, looking for the pillow in question.

Turning around, I follow Brenda back to the car. “Give her time, Jackson,” she says as she leans in to grab more bags. “She’s been through more than we think. I don’t know what it is yet, but I do know she’s scared. We went out, and she didn’t look one person in the eye.”

“I can protect her.” I’m talking to Brenda, but I want Bella to somehow hear me.

“I have no doubt you can protect her. But that isn’t what she sees. She sees one more thing to be scared of. Be patient, try to be her friend.”

“I just want to be her friend. I want her to know she can ask me for anything. That she and Lilah will be safe with me.”

“I’ve seen the way you look at her. She might not know that look. But I know that look. You want to protect her and Lilah. You want to be there for them. But you also want to be the one holding her hand. The one tucking Lilah into bed.”

“Tha—”

“That is exactly what you want, and I know you, Jackson. Tread lightly. Not for you, not for Bella, but for Lilah.” And with that parting comment, Brenda turns and walks toward the door where I hear squealing coming from inside.

“Look, Ms. Brenda, Momma found my pink flower pillow!” Lilah squeals while jumping on the couch.

“Be careful jumping on that thing, little heart. We wouldn’t want one monkey falling off the bed,” Brenda says to her while dumping the bags beside the couch she is jumping on. “Where is your momma?”

“I’m in the kitchen getting you something to drink,” Bella says, coming back into the living room with two glasses of lemonade. “It’s the least I could do after you did all this today.”

“Oh please, honey, it was so much fun. A long time since I’ve been shopping like this. Makes me feel young again,” Brenda says while sitting on the couch right next to Lilah, who holds a flower-shaped pillow in her small hands. “I can’t wait to throw this couch out. I’ve always hated this flower print so much. I think I tried to spill bleach on it once, but Nan caught me.” She laughs out loud, from the memory of that day.