Hardwired(58)

“It’s...frightening,” I said. “First of all, he’s very intense, and secondly, I’ve never needed anyone, but the more we’re together... It’s like I can’t think about anything else. It’s so distracting.”

I closed my eyes, trying to clear my thoughts of him, an impossible task. He was everywhere, even when we weren’t together. And when we weren’t together, I yearned to be with him. Obviously the sex was unmatched, but when we weren’t ravaging each other, being with him always felt right. I had nothing to compare it to other than my string of lackluster flings with guys who were killing time with me until their parents forced them to marry a senator’s daughter or something. There was no comparison.

“You’re in deep, baby girl,” Marie said.

“Fuck, I know it. But I don’t want to lose myself, Marie. I’ve come this far, and this is who I am. I like my life and my independence, just like you. Why would I want to change all that and lose myself for someone I barely know?”

“You lose yourself, Erica, because with the right person, who you become together is something so much greater, more than you could even realize right now.”

Her words rang through me, rattling me to the core. My lip trembled a little, and I blinked away the tears that stung my eyes.

“I think I love him,” I whispered. “And it’s scaring the hell out of me.”

Marie hopped off the stool and came around to hug me tight. I hugged her back, so thankful to have her in my life. How could I surrender my heart to someone like Blake though? He had so many secrets, not to mention serious control issues. I couldn’t imagine how we could make it in the long run with all these hurdles. If we didn’t make it, how could I survive it with everything else I’d been through?

“I have something for you.” Marie stepped away to retrieve her shopping bag from the floor.

She pulled out an old shoebox and handed it to me. I brought it over to the counter and opened it. Inside were stacks of photos of my mother from their college days, early on when Marie was just beginning to dabble with photography.

“I was going through some things and found them. You should have them, Erica.”

I sifted through the stacks and studied each photo. My mother’s face and her smile warmed me. At times like these, I missed her more than ever. I tried hard to remember what she sounded like, her voice and her laugh. So much time had gone by, but the memory of her love echoed through me, a wordless melody that held my heart through time and distance.

Marie leaned over my shoulder as if she were seeing the photos for the first time in a long time, making comments about where they were around campus in some of them. I stopped on one that showed a group of five friends with arms linked, dressed in light jackets for a cool fall day judging from the foliage behind them. Something about the photo gave me pause. My mother was laughing, her long blond hair whipping around her face. She was turned to the man next to her. Unlike the others, their expressions revealed more than the frivolity of the moment—a fleeting look of adoration that I only recently had come to know.

“Who is that?” I pointed to the man who had short sandy brown hair and blue eyes that I recognized.

When Marie fell silent, I turned to find her shaking her head.

“An old friend, I guess. I can’t remember.”

“It looks like my mother knew him though.”

“Patty had a lot of friends. She was very charismatic. Half the campus was in love with her, I swear.”

“Marie—”

“Erica, I don’t know who that man is. I wish I could tell you.” She collected her purse and touched up her makeup in her compact mirror.

Marie was carefree and energetic, even a little immature at times, but she wasn’t much of a liar. She wasn’t telling me something. I had a niggling suspicion as to why, but I didn’t push her.

“Sweetie, I’m off. Keep me posted on Mystery Blake, okay?” She smiled as if the past five minutes hadn’t happened.

“I will. Good luck with Richard too.”

She responded with a weak laugh that didn’t give me much hope for Richard. She opened the door and shrieked when Blake met her at the entrance. He looked as surprised as she did.

I laughed and joined them at the threshold. “Marie, this is Blake. Blake, this is my friend, Marie.”

“It’s a pleasure, Marie,” he said, greeting her with a heart-stopping smile.

She mumbled something unintelligible before leaving, waving me off with a knowing grin.

Blake leaned on the doorway, freshly showered and barefoot, his hands tucked into a pair of board shorts paired with a plain white T-shirt. Only he could make something so casual look so impossibly sexy.