Hardwired(57)

I needed coffee, or sleep. Mainly I needed to be somewhere outside of Blake’s bubble of earth-shattering sex and emotional intensity. I was fucked up enough without all of that. I shook my head, trying to focus on the argument I was determined to win.

He’d thrown me a curve ball, but somehow we needed to find a middle ground, though I worried that Blake wasn’t used to negotiating middle ground much when he wasn’t with me. I took a deep breath and placed my hands on his chest. His heartbeat quickened, mimicking my own.

“Blake, Alli is my best friend, and if she’s going to stick this out with Heath, I need to be there to support her, the same way I’ll support you.”

For a split second, he looked lost. His expression changed again and he straightened. “I don’t need support, Erica. I’m used to dealing with this. I just don’t want you getting hurt. I couldn’t bear it.”

My anger faded into an overwhelming desire to take the pain away, to help him fix this mess. “Listen to me. You can’t play master of the universe and refuse help from the people who care about you.”

Blake covered my hands with his own, squeezed them slightly, then threaded his fingers with mine and led us toward the diner.

I went willingly, accepting that we were agreeing to disagree for the moment.





CHAPTER FIFTEEN





The buzzing wouldn’t stop. I hid under the covers, clinging to sleep and wishing Alli would answer the goddamn door.

Oh shit. My eyes shot open and I sat up straight. I was back at my own apartment. I jumped up to answer the intercom by the door, seeing no signs of Sid other than the general mess he left in his wake.

“Hey, baby girl,” the voice sang through the speaker.

I smiled. “Come on up, Marie,” I said and buzzed her in. I opened the door and set to making coffee, glancing at the clock on the stove. I had missed lunch along with most of the afternoon. My stomach grumbled. Coffee first. Marie joined me a few minutes later, looking fresh in a floral maxi dress, the bright colors contrasting with her enviable skin tone.

“Wow, nice place.” She surveyed the main living area, which now looked a lot less empty since the furniture had arrived. Sid had assembled everything while I was away, which I hadn’t been able to thank him for yet. Soon though. We were probably on the same schedule for once.

“Thanks, I’m loving it,” I said. “Coffee?”

“Water’s fine.” She hopped up on a stool by the counter and dropped her purse and a shopping bag to the floor.

“You look like hell, Erica. Is everything all right?”

I sighed, feeling as haggard as I probably looked. “Long night and long story. I’ll spare you the details,” I said, willing the coffee to drip faster. I needed a few extra minutes to wake up and figure out my current reality before I could even think about talking about it. “What’s new? Any updates with Richard?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” She shrugged, taking the water glass from me. “He’s got his life, I’ve got mine. We’ll see how it goes, I suppose.”

“I’m not hearing wedding bells.” I leaned back against the counter to face her. Marie had spent years on the dating circuit, and I was used to hearing about every new beau’s husband potential. She was a kind heart, but couldn’t ever seem to find Mr. Right. Heaven knew she was a hopeless romantic and deserved a good relationship more than anyone.

“Doubtful. We’re both used to having our freedom. I guess when you get older, it’s harder to change your life for someone.” She sighed a little and twisted her glass on the countertop. “Sometimes I miss the days when I could lose myself in someone completely, and he’d do the same.”

“That doesn’t exactly sound healthy.”

“Maybe not always, but it’s intoxicating. There’s nothing quite like it. You should try it sometime.” She winked at me.

“Unfortunately, I think I’m knee deep in it at the moment.”

“Mystery man?”

I blew out a breath, realizing she didn’t know half of my recent history with Blake. “Yeah. Mystery man. Blake is his name. He lives upstairs, actually.”

She frowned at me. “Did I miss something?”

“It’s complicated. Anyway, he seems to want to be with me. I want that too, I think.” I trailed off, not knowing how to put into words how I truly felt about Blake.

“So what’s the problem?”

I grabbed a mug, filled my cup before the pot brewed completely, and took a cautious sip. She had a point. Even I questioned why I’d fought so hard to temper my feelings for Blake.