Good Enough(33)

“Jameson, there’s a lot more about me and Robert you should know. He hit me. Not usually on the face, so no one could see the evidence. He forced himself on me. He held my head down to suck his…”

He holds up his hand to stop me. “Don’t… Don’t say anymore.”

He rises up from his knees in front me and gently caresses my right cheek with his hand. I don’t think I’ve ever had a man look me in the eyes the way he is right now. I just can’t decipher if it’s fear, lust, love or all of them. What I do know is whatever it is, the feeling is true. He brushes a loose tendril of hair behind my ear. He wipes away one lonely tear that made its way out of my saddened blue eyes, then kisses me. He kisses me so softly it’s almost as if he’s afraid he’ll break me. I cover my hand with his and fall back onto the bed. He carefully lies on top of me and moans in to my mouth. It was the most beautiful sound I heard all day. I open my mouth a little wider to let him know I’m okay with more. I don’t want him to think I’m damaged goods. I may be bruised but I’m not broken. His hand grips my shoulder, runs down my side grazing my rib cage and then around to my ass. He grabs it hard. I love his roaming hands. I love his kisses. I think I might even love him. And even though I might be scared to love him, I’m even more scared of losing him.

There’s a knock at the door.

“Go away!” Jameson yells.

“Hillary! We’re leaving and we’re your ride back unless you’re staying!” I hear Jack shouting on the other side of the door.

“Hang on!” I shout back. “Jameson, I have to go. I’m sorry I can’t stay. I left my car at The Dublin. You know the shit I’ll get from my mom if I don’t come back.”

“I know. I don’t like it but I get it. I’m just glad you showed up here tonight.”

“I am too.”





“There’s no such thing as happily ever after, so give up on that thought now.”



January 3, 2002

OPENING UP TO JAMESON THAT NIGHT at the hotel on New Year’s helped him understand me a lot more. The following day we got together and he told me about his past relationships, including Pam, the girl he ran in to the night of the Christmas party at Ramsey’s.

He met Pam at college in 1996. They became friends at first like most college kids do. Passing by the same faces to and from class. At first that casual smile, then it turns into a “hi” or “hello.” Once you become familiar with that person you might even stop for a quick conversation in between classes. That’s how it started for them. They dated for two years. He said their relationship ended because Pam did not get along with his mom, Marcie. “That’s the reason most of my past relationships have ended, actually,” he said. I couldn’t understand why. It was nice to be able to talk to an actual mom and not be judged, ridiculed or put down in any way.

After our talk we made plans for Valentine’s Day. The celebration this year was on a Thursday, which means work for both of us. I was okay with that. What was more on my mind was if he was going to propose again. At least I wasn’t scared now that he might.

Lily asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner last night. We ended up at the mall, which is normal for us girls, but she kept stopping at jewelry stores. She was very nonchalant about looking at jewelry and trying on rings, and kept having me do it too. Lily and Bevan are already engaged. Why am I trying on rings? Maybe, just maybe Jameson put them up to it? I can only hope.



February 14, 2002

The lighting center I work at has a good handful of women in it. From what I’ve been told there’s usually a bet going on who will get flowers delivered to them first, who gets the biggest arrangement and who gets stiffed. Heidi, a single female pushing forty-years-old already called getting stiffed because she’s not dating anyone, so she knows she’ll win that bet. I bet on Marianne getting the biggest arrangement because after spending many hours with her at work and our business trip to Hoboken, I know Mark is a good guy. He still won’t propose, so he’ll make up for it with Valentine’s Day flowers. Plus, I’m pretty sure he knows about these bets at the office and wants to help Marianne win. I bet on myself to get stiffed too. Jameson and I have plans later tonight at Breakers to play pool, so I’m guessing if he has anything for me he’ll give it to me later.

By 9:05 a.m. Paula had the first flower delivery from her husband Tony of over twenty years. It was a beautiful bouquet of red roses. Jill got hers next from her husband with the non-traditional variety of yellow Gerber daisies and orange orchids in a small round glass vase. As I expected Mark did not disappoint in Marianne’s delivery. She had a very large display mixture of red and pink roses. Two dozen in total that were held in a tall, red crystal vase. It was beautiful!