Giving In(82)
Kylie shook her head. “No, but Carson looked for him years later. I think he wanted revenge.”
“Can’t say I blame him,” Jensen muttered. “Did he find him?”
“He never would say. I only found out because I saw the file he left open on his desk. When I asked him about it, well, you can imagine I freaked. That shouldn’t surprise you. It’s no wonder he wouldn’t tell me anything. He likely worried I’d go off my rocker and do something stupid. Who knows. Maybe I would have.
“But the kind of revenge Carson wanted wasn’t the kind that would land you in jail on a manslaughter charge. He wouldn’t have risked his marriage to Joss. He wanted to see if our father was living well because he wanted to ruin him. He wanted to take away everything he had, if he had anything at all. And he wanted our father to know who ruined him and why.”
“I disagree that he shouldn’t have given you the information,” Jensen murmured. “It was your right and you wouldn’t have done anything stupid. What Carson was negligent in realizing is that you might have gained some closure if you knew he wasn’t a threat to you any longer.”
She frowned. “I hadn’t thought about it that way. I think it’s the uncertainty that gets to me sometimes. Like I’m afraid he’ll pop up out of the blue. He could be dead by now for all I know.”
“I could find out for you if you ever truly wanted to know,” Jensen said quietly.
She froze, a curl of fear winding its way through her chest.
“Maybe one day,” she hedged. “Maybe never. I just know I don’t want to know right now.”
“When you’re ready, let me know. I’ll make damn sure he knows nothing about you. And perhaps I can just verify whether Carson was successful in his quest for vengeance.”
“Thank you,” she said.
She felt . . . deflated . . . all of a sudden. Like a huge weight had been lifted, leaving her sagging. She was emotionally wrung out even though she’d barely scratched the surface of her abuse. Maybe she’d never tell Jensen the entirety of it. Or maybe one day she’d be ready to completely rid herself of the poison that had infected her for so long.
“You’re more than welcome, baby. I love you. And I’m so damn proud of you. Now you just have to be proud of yourself and see what a huge accomplishment it is for you to be where you are right now and for not letting your past overtake your future.”
She grimaced. “It wasn’t all that long ago that I was doing just that.”
“You’re too hard on yourself, Kylie. Lighten up. The only one knocking on you is you. Everyone else around you sees what I see. A resilient, fearless woman.”
“I like that,” she said with a smile. “Fearless. Definitely at the top of the list of words I would have never used to describe myself.”
“Then revise the damn list and remove all the derogatory words about you,” he growled.
She yawned, exhausted from the day’s emotional events. “Maybe we can make that list together one day. At the very top, the most important word to describe me, is loved.”
“Always. And you are loved, Kylie. By more than just me.”
“I know that now,” she said, snuggling farther up against Jensen.
“Think you can sleep?” he asked, concern in his voice. “I worry what this will do for you. I know what it did to me when I told you of my past.”
“As long as you’re here, I can sleep,” she said.
He hugged her to him. “Then sleep, baby. I’ll hold you for as long as you want me to.”
TWENTY-SIX
FEARS of Kylie being tormented by nightmares kept Jensen up long after Kylie settled into a fitful sleep. And when he finally followed suit, it wasn’t Kylie who had nightmares.
Jensen stood, paralyzed, unable to move, unable to do anything but stare as his father struck Kylie again and again. His dreams, often of his mother being abused while Jensen was unable to prevent it, were now of Kylie in his mother’s stead.
He was watching through the eyes of an adult but trapped by a child’s limitations.
“No,” he croaked out. “Oh God, no. Stop hurting her. Please.”
His father lifted his head and stared directly at Jensen, his mouth twisted into a cruel smile. “You’re worthless. You can’t protect her. You’ve failed her just like you failed your idiot mother.”
And then Kylie called his name. It was a plea for help, one he couldn’t ignore even in his dream.
Finally, finally he was able to move. No longer was he encased by lead. No longer was he in the body of the child he was. He let out a roar and launched himself at his father as his adult self with all the strength he’d lacked when he was just a boy.