Giving In(29)

Kylie reached across the table and squeezed her friend’s hand. “I know you do. And I know he loves you. It’ll work out, Chessy. You have to believe that. Have you given any more thought to whether he’s cheating? I know that was a concern, however brief, and you didn’t want to ask him because of what it would do to your relationship if he thought you ever doubted him.”

Though Joss had been the first person Chessy had confided in, Chessy had later brought up the issue with both Joss and Kylie, but only after Chessy had made Kylie swear she wouldn’t confront Tate over it. Kylie was more of a take-the-bull-by-the-horns kind of girl, not as sweet and understanding as Joss. And well, maybe Kylie would have confronted Tate if Chessy hadn’t exacted the promise from her. She hated the idea of her friend hurting in any way. And she knew, whatever the reasons why, that Chessy wasn’t happy and she hated that she couldn’t fix this for her friend.

Kylie had never admitted to Chessy that she’d been concerned that Tate abused her. She’d only shared that fear with Joss. She was glad now she hadn’t because it might have caused an unmendable rift in their relationship. And Kylie was trained to believe the worst of people. She’d very likely overreacted. She didn’t really believe Tate was capable of abusing Chessy, but then such was the case of many abusive men.

Chessy shook her head. “I was being silly and emotional. I don’t really believe he’d ever cheat. I can’t allow myself to even think that way or the seed of doubt will be planted and it will just drive me crazy. Besides, when would he have time to see another woman? I know he loves me. I really do. It’s just hard right now. I wanted to start trying to have a baby. It’s what we both want, or did want. Now I’m not so sure. Tate hasn’t talked about it lately. The one time I mentioned it, he said he’d rather wait until his business was more secure. So I haven’t brought it back up again. And maybe I’m just looking for something to fill the void so I’m not so lonely all the time. Which is a pretty lame reason for having a child.”

Kylie grimaced in sympathy. But she agreed that Chessy should wait. Kylie wasn’t altogether certain things were that good even though Chessy made the best of it. Bringing a child into an uncertain situation would only make it worse. If Tate was gone so much, how would Chessy cope with being a new mother without her husband as a support system?

But she kept those thoughts to herself because she didn’t want to upset Chessy any more than she already was. Her heart ached for her friend. Loneliness was an emotion Kylie was intimately acquainted with.

She made a mental note to spend more time with Chessy, especially while Joss was gone on her honeymoon.

“But let’s get back to you and Jensen,” Chessy said, the teasing light back in her eyes. “How on earth did the two of you hook up? Is it one of those office romance things we read about in novels?”

Kylie snorted. “At first I thought he was an overbearing ass whose sole ambition was to make my life miserable. He told me I looked like hell. What a great prelude to asking me out on a date, right?”

Chessy seemed to choose her words carefully. “He wasn’t wrong, exactly, hon. You do look . . . tired. Have you been having nightmares again?”

Kylie shrugged indifferently. “When don’t I have nightmares? It’s not something you can just get over, you know.”

She hated when they spoke of things personal to her. She was much more comfortable talking about Chessy or Joss and what was going on with them. She rarely ever volunteered personal information because she didn’t want her friends to worry. They knew of her childhood. Joss knew because of Carson and Chessy had learned after they’d become friends. But them knowing didn’t mean it was a subject open to speculation.

“Yes, I know and I’m sorry,” Chessy said. “I wish there was something we could do to help you. Have you considered talking to a therapist? Getting medication?”

“Now you sound like Jensen,” Kylie muttered.

“Honey, it doesn’t make you weak to ask for help,” Chessy said softly.

Chessy well knew Kylie’s hatred of appearing weak. It was the one thing Kylie had confided in her best friends. She hated feeling powerless, like she wasn’t solidly in control of her life and her surroundings. Hell, maybe she did need a shrink, but the very idea of sharing deep dark secrets she’d never confided in anyone with a complete stranger freaked her out.

Kylie shook her head. “I can’t, Chessy. I don’t expect you to understand. Hell, I barely understand it myself. But the idea of allowing a complete stranger inside my head scares me to death. I think it would only make things worse, not better.”