Girl in Love(53)

“Not yet,” Trace answered just loud enough for her to hear. Her body responded to the heat in his words but she forced herself to ignore him.

“Yeah, on my way.”

She practically sprinted off the bus. She’d had to, or she wouldn’t have been able to control herself for one more second.



“SO…I think I maybe still have feelings, deep feelings, for Trace Corbin,” she told her friend as they got into her truck.

“No shit,” Lulu answered on a laugh. “Remember how you said it felt like everyone was in on this big joke except you?”

“Yeah,” Kylie said slowly as she cranked her truck.

“Well, welcome to the party. You two are like…I don’t know. This couple that’s toxic and combustible but somehow need each other to function. And everyone can see it, Ky. And everyone can see how hard you’ve both been trying to fight it. But no one really understands why anymore.”

“You know how bad it was,” she said softly into the dimly lit cab of the truck. “You saw me…after. I can’t go back to that, Lu. I can’t be like that again.”

Her friend sighed loudly. “I know, hon. I do. And I don’t want to see you get hurt again. But unless you two plan to live on different continents, I don’t see how you can keep avoiding it.”

“He has Gretchen. And Steven and I—”

“Mess around every now and then,” Lulu finished for her. “And you’re friends. But believe me, Steven Blythe knows exactly what the two of you are and aren’t. And he’s cool with it. If you walk up to that boy tomorrow and tell him you don’t want to hook up anymore, he’d be just fine. I’m pretty sure there are plenty of girls waiting in the wings to soothe his wounded pride…among other things.”

It was the truth. She knew that. And she also knew that it should’ve bothered her, at least a little. But it didn’t.

“Okay, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I tried with Trace before. I tried hard. I put myself out there and he chose someone else. Period.”

The neon lights of a strip of fast food restaurants caught her eye so she pulled into the nearest one.

“See, that’s the thing. Mike and I have been talking,” her friend began.

“Uh, sounded like y’all were doing a whole lot more than talking.”

Lulu shook her head. “Let’s order our food first. I need a full stomach for this conversation.”

After they’d gotten a sack full of tacos and demolished nearly half of them on the way back to the lot the fleet was parked at, Lulu began her in-depth analysis on Kylie’s situation.

“I have a question for you. My revealing the top-secret intel I’ve uncovered is dependent upon your answer.”

“No pressure then,” Kylie said after taking a large swallow of her soda.

“Right. So here’s my question. When were you happiest? Like the absolute happiest you’ve ever been.”

Kylie tried to think while focusing on not getting lost as she drove the unfamiliar roads. “Um, happiest as in…in my entire life?”

“Ky, I don’t want to sound like an insensitive ass here, but let’s be realistic.” Lulu paused to give her friend a sympathetic smile. “Happiest as in since your dad died. At what point in your adult life have you been happy, truly happy, since then?”

The answer presented itself in Kylie’s mind in vibrant Technicolor. It was a brief period of time in her life, but it was amazing. Full. Everything since felt faded out. Even performing had lost a bit of its spark. Not that she didn’t still love it. She did. It just didn’t give her that same high it once had. She told herself that it had nothing to do with him. That the newness always wore off. It was totally normal.

“Your silence is more informative than you think,” Lulu said softly. “And honestly, I think your music is too.”

A small, sad laugh escaped her. “All my songs are about him or my dad. I didn’t even realize it until I had to pick one for the benefit.” Kylie shook her head. “So what am I supposed to do? Beg him to dump Gretchen and try again with me? I can’t, Lu. I just can’t. I don’t know what it’s like to be an alcoholic. I can’t understand him like she does. Can’t be there for him like that. I tried…He wouldn’t let me.”

“I know. I know you did.” Lulu scooted slightly closer on the bench seat. “But I think now you have some understanding of what it’s like to want something that you know you shouldn’t. Of having that want feel like a need. And that need being more powerful than reason, than sense.”