Girl in Love(50)
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I should go now.”
“You don’t have to.” What the fuck? He hadn’t thought the words before saying them. They’d just shot out of his mouth. A pathetic plea he hadn’t meant to utter. Damn nightmares. They made him feel vulnerable and fucked up. Even more fucked up than usual.
She was silent for a moment. Not that he could’ve heard her over the screaming in his head anyway. He held his breath until she spoke.
“If I stay, what do you think will happen?”
He exhaled. It sounded entirely too loud. “I have no idea. I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep.” Screw it. They could go back to pretending they were over everything tomorrow. Tonight all he could be was honest. “I could tell you I’ll keep my hands to myself or that I’ll respect the fact that you’re with someone else. But none of that would be true. The truth is I want you so bad it hurts. I swear to God, if I ever get to hold you again, I will never let go. Ever. I want to be inside you so damn bad. I fucking need to be inside you.”
She was quiet for so long that, if his eyes hadn’t adjusted to the dark and he wasn’t staring at her silhouette, he would’ve thought she’d left.
What was it about whispered conversations in darkness that made people honest?
“I want that too sometimes,” she answered, barely loud enough for him to hear. The pain in her voice, in her confession, raked over him like razor blades. He was raw and exposed, and he wanted nothing more than to feel her naked body against his.
“You’re not staying though, are you?”
“You know I can’t.” Her words lingered in the space between them.
He let his rigid muscles relax. She was leaving. He was going to have to let her go, whether he liked it or not.
“Goodnight, Kylie Lou. Sweet dreams.”
“Goodnight, Trace.”
He didn’t move a muscle until she was gone and had closed the door behind her.
I want that too sometimes.
Her words echoed in his head until the sun came up. One thing was for sure. If even a small part of her still wanted him—despite everything—if she still had any kind of feelings for him, then he had to try. And try he would.
LATER THAT afternoon, he was exhausted as he helped unload equipment in Texas. But her words were still fresh in his mind.
I want that too sometimes.
Five words, simple words, but somehow they were so much more than that. They were honest words. Words that felt like a confession whispered in a church.
Words that gave him the courage he’d been searching for since he’d gotten out of rehab. It was a foundation, one he planned to build upon. She’d trusted him enough to confess the truth in the middle of the night. All the walls in the world couldn’t keep him out now.
Gretchen kept warning him that he couldn’t do this, that he shouldn’t be testing himself by being on tour with Kylie. Even Dr. Reynolds probably thought Kylie was a trigger, a temptation, the vice that would eventually break him.
But five words told him they were wrong.
She still loved him, still had that same need for him that he had for her.
“What’s with the goofy grin, man? You drunk?” Mike asked.
“Naw.” Trace’s eyes found Kylie standing with Hannah and Lulu. She offered him a smile that was worth more to him than any amount of money would ever be. He winked at her. “I’m throwing my hat in the ring.”
“Good for you, man.” Mike clapped him on the shoulder. “Good for you.”
“HEY YOU,” Steven said as he and Kylie’s drummer, Ty, headed toward her after the show. “Do you remember Ben, the guy who used to be the lead singer in my band?”
Kylie had to stop and think for a second. “Yeah, I think so. Him and his girlfriend kicked our asses at that game the night we met.”
Steven chuckled. “Yeah, that’s him. Well turns out he’s starting a band. He’s married now so it’s just a side thing, mostly small-time stuff, but he’s looking for a guitar player. And he knows your drummer and sent along a message for me.”
“Nice.” Kylie forced a smile. “Does that mean you’re ditching me?”
Steven put an arm around her shoulders. “No way. It’s just good news is all. It means after this tour ends, I’ll have a steady gig.”
“Well that is good news. We should go celebrate. Wanna grab dinner somewhere? We’ve got a while before we head to Atlanta.”
Steven glanced over at Ty. “Actually the guys are having a poker tournament and I told them I’d play. That cool?”
“Sure.” A night of kicking some ass at cards sounded kind of fun. Kylie hadn’t really ever connected with her band the way Trace had with his. She hoped maybe this would be an opportunity to do so. “Tell everyone I’m in too. I love poker.”