Galilee Rising(86)

With a near panicked expression, Jem glances at me but finds a similar expression. He strides toward Lexie. "Lex, please. We need you. Don't--" He touches her shoulder. Out of nowhere, she pivots around and decks him in the jaw. I gasp as he crashes to the ground.

"Don't touch me! You have no right to touch me!" she shouts.

I dash over to the man. "I'm sorry," he says as I help him up. "I didn't…I'm sorry."

Lexie scoffs, voice cracking. "Not good enough. Nowhere near good enough. But you never were, were you Jem? Not strong enough, not brave enough, and sure as hell not honorable enough. I just wish I'd seen it years ago as clear as I do now."

She takes a step toward the door before I rush in front of her to stop her. "What about Cain?" I whisper. "Don't you want to see him brought to justice? We can't do it without you. Just listen--"

"Don't you get it?" she says, voice breaking with emotion. "You can't do it period, Jo. And even if you could…I'm done. I've given enough. I'm not going out like Justin and Brendan. I'm not. Not for you, not for anyone. Keep me out of this." She kisses my cheek. "I'm sorry." And with that she lifts off the ground and flies down the tunnel.

My mouth hangs open from shock. That was…horrible. God awful. I take a moment to compose myself before turning to an equally wide-eyed Jem. "What do we--" he begins.

"Let's get some ice on your jaw," I cut in. "Sit on the couch."

Still a little dazed, he obeys as I get the ice pack out of the first-aid kit. "Just keep going, Jo," I whisper to myself.

Jem cups his jaw and looking at me expectantly when I sit beside him. "What do we--" he whispers.

"Keep going," I whisper back. "Here."

He takes the pack and holds it to the side of his face. "Thank you," he says loudly.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"It just aches. She didn't--"

"Not what I meant. Are you okay?"

"I…understand."

"She didn't mean it. Not really."

"She did. And she's right. If I had just been honest, with them, with myself, we might not be in this untenable situation. Whenever it comes time for me to…vacate him from my life, I can't do it. Maybe I don't want to," he admits, voice quaking. "Maybe…deep down…I need him. He's been the one constant in my life. And no matter how many heinous acts he's committed, I can't…believe that little boy who stood up for me, who comforted me, who protected me, is dead. That love came from somewhere. He has to still be in there somewhere."

I scoot closer to him and take his free hand. "Jem, I know you want to believe that. I would too. But…Jordan killed that little boy a long time ago. If he ever really existed. Sociopaths are born that way. They cannot change."

"You didn't know him then."

"I know him now. He blew up a bridge with innocent people on it. He put me in the hospital. He murdered your best friend. Uma." I shrug. "And you in a sense. You're the biggest victim of us all. That man tortured you, tormented you, molested you. He's killed you in all but body. He keeps you from happiness. From friendship." I meet his eyes. "From love. Who but a monster would do that?" I caress his good cheek, and he tenses. "But I'll help you stop him. I'm all yours. If you want me."

"Joanna, I--"

My kiss stops his words. I give it my all, but he doesn't kiss me back. His lips remain rigid under mine. After a few seconds I break away, eyes narrowed in confusion. Jem just hangs his head. "What? What is it?" I ask.

"I…don't-don't do that."

"What? Why-why not? No one's here. No one will see us."

"It's not…" He stands. "I should go."

He makes it one step toward the exit before I leap up to block his path. "No. Don't. Please. Don't leave me."

"Joanna, I-I don't want to hurt your feelings."

"What do you mean? Why would you hurt my feelings?"

"Because I don't…share them," he says hesitantly. "I'm sorry."

My face falls. "What? No, you…I've seen the way you look at me. How you are around me. I've felt it," I say, agitated.

"No, I-I don't…" He looks horrified, mouth opening and closing like a dying fish. "I'm sorry. You're my friend, without question. I care about you. Very much. I probably wouldn't have gotten through this without you. Really. I value you, so much. I just…don't think of you in that way. I'm sorry."

For once having a surplus of rage comes in handy. I unleash the flames. All through me steam practically shoots from my ears as real tears fill my eyes. "What?" I ask, voice cracking again. "No, you…no. You…" I glare at him hard enough to cut diamonds. "What? I'm not good enough for you or something?"