Fractured(90)

The fire dimmed long before our passion did. We lay on the faded old settee, limbs entwined, our bodies in contact wherever they could be. Beneath my head I could hear the resounding and comforting beat of his heart, while his fingers traced small circles upon the nape of my neck. I had never known a moment of such complete contentment in my entire life.

I struggled to sit up but his strong arms wouldn’t release me.

‘Don’t move,’ he urged, covering my mouth with his own to ensure that for several more minutes moving away wasn’t even the remotest possibility.

I was a little breathless when we eventually separated.

‘Jimmy, can we talk for a minute?’

His blue eyes darkened for a second.

‘I’d much rather do this,’ he suggested, pulling me from his side until I lay completely on top of the long length of his body. My new location did nothing at all for my concentration and several more minutes were completely lost to me as I gave in to the racing passion that was coursing through my veins.

‘Enough!’ I said, sitting up so abruptly that I would have toppled from the settee if he hadn’t caught me.

He must have recognised my determination, for he reluctantly rose from the cushions and swung his legs to the floor, allowing me to slide onto the seat beside him. I could see the effort it had cost him, both physical and emotional, to separate from me, and I felt a flutter deep within me, to know he wanted me as much as I did him.

‘You have five minutes,’ he warned, ‘before I have to start kissing you again, so you’d better talk fast.’

His words and his proximity were doing funny things with my pulse rate. It could easily take me all of my allotted time just to get a single sentence out. But there were things I needed to ask.

‘This… between us… I’m confused… I thought you didn’t…’ Oh God, he had robbed me of the art of coherent speech.

‘You thought what?’ he prompted gently, taking my hand in his, tenderly lacing our fingers together.

‘That you didn’t want me… well, not in that way.’

My words must have been so unexpected that they erased the loving smile from his face, replacing it with a look of incredulity. ‘Why on earth would you think that?’

‘Well, after what happened at the hotel…’ My voice trailed away.

Realisation began to dawn in his eyes.

‘You made it pretty clear that night that you didn’t want me.’ My voice was hushed, the memory and embarrassment still raw.

‘Is that what you thought?’ He ran his hand distractedly through his hair. ‘I wanted you so much that night I could hardly breathe. You’ll never know how hard it was for me to leave your room that night.’

‘Then why did you?’

He pulled me towards him then, cradling me against his chest and drawing my head against his neck. His soft breath fanned my forehead as he spoke. ‘Because it was wrong of me to take advantage of you then. It probably still is now.’

I gasped out the beginnings of a protest but he silenced me with a finger against my lips.

‘You were so confused that night, nothing made sense to you, and you needed me as a friend then, more than a lover. And besides, you were still engaged to Matt.’

The last doubts of uncertainty began to crumble as he spoke. The strength of what he felt for me was even more apparent by him leaving my bed that night than if he had stayed. Sarah had been right, Jimmy would never have rejected me unless he had truly thought he was doing the right thing.

‘About Matt…’ I began, and he groaned softly.

‘Do we really have to talk about him?’

I raised my eyes to his, allowing all the love I felt for him shine through them like a beacon, letting him know there was nothing I could say that would hurt him here.

‘I just want to let you know that I understand now why you’ve been holding back. And I know you think I still need time to get over breaking up with him, but really I don’t.’

He looked doubtful at my words.

‘As far as I’m concerned, Matt and I broke up over five years ago. It was finding myself engaged to him now that I was having trouble dealing with, not losing him.’

I looked over at the clock on the mantelpiece.

‘OK, my five minutes are up.’ I leant over to kiss his mouth but this time he was the one who drew back.

‘Before I totally lose myself here, can I just say one thing, Rachel?’

He sounded so earnest that I was suddenly afraid of what I would hear.

‘Tonight. Us. This isn’t just some spur of the moment thing. I need you to know that. What I feel for you… I should have told you a very long time ago. I almost did, in fact.’