Fractured(89)

‘You told him. Didn’t you?’ I continued, when it seemed unlikely Jimmy was going to say anything in his own defence. ‘You told him what I thought had happened to me?’

Relief flooded over his features as swiftly as the raised colour had done. ‘Is that what you think? No, of course I didn’t. I wouldn’t do that.’

He was so earnest in his denial that I knew instantly he was telling the truth.

‘Then why did you send me out the room?’

His eyes gave a flicker, which betrayed his discomfort, but his voice was smooth enough as he replied. ‘No one sent you out the room. You went to get the decorations.’

I gave him a long narrowed-eyed stare, which I knew he would remember from our past. It was the look I had always given him when I was unhappy with something he had said. However, Jimmy wasn’t going to let me go any further with this one.

‘Come on then. Let’s get started. It’s a big tree and we haven’t got all night.’

It’s impossible to stay in a bad mood when you’re decorating a Christmas tree. There’s something about the twinkling of fairy lights and the glint of fragile glass baubles reflected in the light from the fire that simply sucks all feelings of negativity from you, however hard you try to hold on to them.

At Jimmy’s request I had even found a CD of Christmas tunes in my dad’s collection and had them playing softly in the background as we worked together, mostly in silence, dressing the tree. It was comfortable and companionable; our heads bent low over the box of decorations, sometimes fingers colliding as we both reached for a particular ornament at exactly the same instant. Either we shared the same taste in gaudy baubles or it was another confirmation of just how in tune we were with each other.

The tree was starting to look really good. Nothing refined and understated here; this was a real Las Vegas style tree! It just needed the tinsel to finish it off. Careful of the spiky pine needles, I wriggled halfway behind the main trunk and asked Jimmy to pass me the long strand of sparkling decoration so I could thread it through the branches. I held out my hand through the dense foliage, waiting to take the glittering streamer. But instead of passing me the tinsel, I felt Jimmy’s fingertips lightly graze my own.

‘I can’t do this any more.’

His voice sounded almost desperate, as though the words had been torn out of him against his will.

The tree branches obscured my view of him, so I directed my voice in his general direction.

‘That’s all right. We’re almost done here. I can finish it off myself.’

‘I’m not talking about the damned tree!’ There was no mistaking the tone this time, there was genuine anguish there.

I struggled to get out from the imprisoning branches, but stopped as he went on to add, ‘I’m talking about us. You and me. Our friendship.’

I felt my heart freeze over. Every last fear I’d ever had in my life was crystallised in that one moment. It was as devastating to hear now as it would have been when I was five years old. Jimmy didn’t want to be my friend any more. Suddenly I was in no hurry to emerge from the tree’s protective cover. He shouldn’t see the effect his words had on me. I’d brought this on myself. I’d neglected something precious for far too long and then tried to lean on him more than I should have. I deserved whatever was coming.

‘I understand,’ I said on a voice that was beginning to tremble. ‘You have to step back from being my friend right now, I understand that.’

He gave a sound that was almost a groan. ‘That’s not it. Well, maybe that’s partly it; I do want to step back from being your friend…’ It was the worst thing I had ever heard, until he continued, ‘but only because I want to be so much more.’

The hand that I hadn’t realised I still had protruding through the branches, was suddenly gripped in his warm and steady clasp.

‘And you had to wait until I was embedded in a Christmas tree to say this to me?’ I asked in a voice too dazed to really take in his words.

The branches were suddenly swept back in one swift move and I stared up in wonder at the man who had just changed my entire view of the future.

‘I had to make sure you couldn’t run away,’ he said, gently pulling me out of the tree and towards him.

‘That is the last thing on my mind,’ I assured him. ‘In fact—’

But I never got to finish that sentence as his head was lowering towards mine even as he was pulling me towards him. In a perfect blend, the soft contours of my body molded up against the firm hardness of his. Two halves, complementing and blending, and it was as though nothing in the world had ever really been right until this single perfect moment. I felt the thundering of his heart echoing against mine as he held my trembling body against him. I looked into his eyes, and found all I'd been searching for and an experssion of love so open and naked, it robbed me of what little breath I had left. And then his mouth was on mine, and his hands were arching me closer and he was holding me while I fell even more in love with the man I was alwys destined to eb with.