Four Week Fiance 2(23)

“I am listening,” I said and laughed.

“That moment when your heart skips a beat. When all worries turn to joy. When all fears fade away. That moment when our eyes meet. And our souls reconnect.

And the silence sings a song. That’s the moment that I remember. That’s the dance that I live for. That’s the journey that I pray for. That’s the you that I dream of. This is the moment I was made for.” He stopped and I looked over at him, and saw tears running down his face.

“Oh, Nonno,” I said and reached my arm around his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” He shook his head and gazed into my eyes. “She was my true love and I miss her, but I will see her again.”

“Oh, Nonno.” I bit down on my lower lip. “You both had such a true love.”

“There is nothing else in this world more precious than true love, Mila.” His eyes were bright as he gazed at me. “There is nothing worth living for if you don’t have love.”

“Well, life itself, right?” I said, trying to make light of the situation.

“Life is for the living.” He nodded. “And love is what makes life great.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I said as my heart lurched and I thought back to TJ again. “Some of us aren’t as lucky as you and Nonna. Some of us don’t have happy endings.”

“What are you talking about, Mila?” His eyes narrowed as he looked at me.

“Nothing,” I said and shook my head, embarrassed to tell Nonno exactly what was going on with me.

“Are you not happy, my Mila?” He studied my face shrewdly and I could feel the tears starting to build up. I didn’t want him to know exactly what was going on. I knew that he had to know that something wasn’t completely right. I mean, TJ had essentially just fallen into my pocket in a matter of seconds. Real life didn’t work like that.

“I’m fine.” I took a deep breath. I had to be a big girl. I was not going to let Nonno know how pathetic and sad I was.

“You want to go down to the beach?” Nonno jumped up, placing the photo album next to me.

“The beach?” I asked, flummoxed. “That’s random.”

“Let’s go to the beach and talk.” He looked at me lovingly. “We both could do with some fresh air.”

“Oh.” I looked up at him. He knew there was something I wasn’t telling him. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, mi cara. You know you can’t keep secrets from your Nonno.”

“I know.” I sighed and stood up. “I love you, Nonno.”

“I know.” He pulled me into a hug. “I love you more than anything, Mila. You’re my beautiful princess and all I want is for you to be happy and taken care of.”

“I know.” I rested my head on his shoulder and looked up at him. “How did I get so lucky as to have you as my Nonno?”

“You’re blessed.” He kissed my forehead and grinned, his eyes sparkling before he started coughing again. He pulled back and grabbed his tissue, his expression changing to one of a frown.

“You sure you’re okay to go out, Nonno?” I asked him, worried. “Sounds like you have a bit of a cold or something.”

“I’m fine, my dear.” He wiped his mouth. “Let me go and change into some warmer clothes and then we can leave.”

“Okay.” I nodded and watched as he walked out of the room. I then grabbed my phone from my pocket to see if TJ had called or texted. I was hoping he’d have left some sort of message saying something like, “I made a mistake, I really do love you, come home,” but of course there was nothing there when I checked. My heart sank as I put my phone back into my pocket and I sat back on the couch and stared at the photos as I waited for Nonno to get ready.

***

The beach was desolate as we walked along the sand. It was too cold for people to go into the water and there was only one guy on the beach with us and he was walking his dog. I stared at the dog as it ran down the beach chasing a branch and I thought to myself what a life the dog had as it ran back and forth to its owner, grinning with happiness. How simple life must be to a dog. What I wouldn’t have given to have that sort of peace in my heart. It would make me feel like I had a purpose in life, as opposed to being a loser who could only focus on TJ and his not loving me.

“So, Mila, tell me what’s going on.” Nonno turned to me as we walked to the shoreline. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Oh, Nonno, I feel like an idiot.” I made a face, trying to sound lighthearted. I wanted to make a joke, but I felt like I was going to start crying. “I’m a fool. I could be a clown for a king or a court jester or something.”

“Why do you say that, Mila?” Nonno frowned at me.

“Because I’m a royal fool. The biggest fool on the planet.” I tried to smile at him, but he didn’t smile back. Instead I watched Nonno’s expression go from shrewd to sad and he stepped forward and grabbed my hands.

“You’re not a fool, mi cara. Don’t ever say that.”

“I am.” I sighed. I gulped and looked down.

“Then tell me, why are you a fool?”

“Because I really thought that there was a chance that TJ really loved me. I really thought that he could be the one for me.”

“You don’t think he loves you?” Nonno sighed. “And you love him?”

“I love him with all of my heart.” I closed my eyes as my heart froze. “You don’t even understand. It’s something I feel in my soul. It’s something that I can’t stop thinking about. Just saying his name makes my heart jump for joy.”

“I know the feeling. That’s how I feel about your Nonna.” He nodded. “That’s true love, Mila.”

“How can it be true love if he doesn’t love me?” I sobbed. I knew Nonno was probably confused about why I was crying and why we would be engaged if we weren’t in love, but I knew he was smart enough to know that obviously something was up. You didn’t go from a lifelong crush to an engagement and deep love in 2.5 seconds.

“Mila, I’m going to need for you to explain to me exactly what’s going on.” Nonno grabbed my hands and turned me to face him. “I don’t really understand what you’re saying.”

“I don’t even understand what I’m saying sometimes.” I took a deep breath. “And that’s not the only thing, Nonno. I have a secret. Something I did years ago that he doesn’t know about. And it’s haunting me. Sometimes I think, what if he does fall in love with me and then he finds out what I did? Then he’ll stop loving me.”

“Mila, tell me what’s in your heart.” Nonno caressed my cheek. “I need you to tell me exactly what you’re thinking. I need to know what’s in your heart. What’s in your soul. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

“I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to let you know what happened. I don’t want you to be ashamed of me. I feel so weak.” I sighed.

“I would never be ashamed of you, mi cara. You are my heart. You are my soul. Everything I do is for you. You’re my only granddaughter and you are everything to me. You know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. All I want in this world is for you to be happy and to never suffer. It pains me to see you suffer. It pains me deep in my heart. Your pain is my pain. I don’t want to see you cry. I don’t want to see anything in your eyes that makes me think you’re going through turmoil. You know that, right?”

“Oh Nonno, I know. I know how much you love me.” I gave him a half-smile. “You’re the reason I’m such a hopeless romantic.” I laughed. “If it wasn’t for all your and Nonna’s stories, I wouldn’t want to believe that true love existed. I wouldn’t be such an idealist.”

“So tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Sometimes I think he could love me,” I said, my voice echoing all the hope in my heart. “Sometimes he looks at me with a light in his eyes that makes me feel like I’m the only person in the world, but then...” My voice trailed off as I looked out at the ocean and watched the waves crashing into the rocks, close to the pier. I felt too sad and too tired to continue. Even talking about the situation had the ability to make me feel empty inside.

“But then what?” Nonno asked me softly, his hand on my shoulder as we stood there.

“But then, I think I’ve imagined it,” I said softly. “The moment disappears. The tenderness in his gaze, the lift in his lips, the knowing look in his eyes. It just fades. And then it’s as if I’m looking into the soul of a stranger.”

“You’re being too dramatic, Mila,” Nonno said and he sounded weary, as if he were attempting to take on the burden in my heart and put it on his shoulders.

“I’m not being dramatic.” I turned to him. “I’m being realistic. I’m being safe. Nonno, when I look at him, my heart skips a beat and my stomach jumps. I feel happy. I feel excited. I feel like my soulmate is once again in my world. It’s like every part of me knows that he is my other half. And every part of me wants him to know that I’m his other half too. Every part of me is craving for the moment he will suddenly realize who I am to him.”