Forever My Love(111)

"Yes," Mira hid her face again, drawing herself into a tight ball."Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were so much against him… and besides, I wanted to forget about him. I tried to, with all my strength."

"I'm not against him if he's the only one who'll make you happy," Rosalie said hesitantly. "I know you're not a bad judge of character… you wouldn't love someone who didn't have some redeeming quali­ties. It's not too late for you to change things. We're leaving Brighton in a few hours. Perhaps you should go to him now… tell him you've thought about what he said and—"

"I can't. I've got to leave things as they are. He was right: we both need time to think. And if he still wants me, he will know where I am."

"You should have heard her bid me farewell," Carr said, filled with the boisterous spirits of a young and infatuated man. "Desolate. Those big dark eyes look­ing up at me, and that little.bit of an accent in her voice as she told me that she hoped that she would see me again—"

"Are you certain that you're not mistaking common politeness for a declaration of affection?" Alec crossed his long legs, one over the other, and rested them on the carriage seat opposite his. Carr regarded the mud­died buckskins with disdain and edged a few inches away from them in order to preserve the immaculate condition of his coat.

"Very certain. Her heart was in her face."

"How convenient for you."

Ignoring Alec's chilling responses to his rapture-tinged descriptions of Mireille Germain, Carr sighed happily and rested his dark head against the blue upholstery of the carriage. "You don't understand how I feel about her… you don't understand how different she is from any other woman I've ever met. Shy and flirtatious, and witty—without being cattish like all the others—and she's the sweetest, dearest—"

"How far did it go between you two?" Alec asked, suddenly tense.

"I'm serious about her, Alec! With any other woman I might have tried something, but I plan to take time with this one. I want her to know that I respect her."

Alec leaned back in his seat. "I hope that it will not be too much of a strain on your amorous sensibilities to engage with that maid at the Rummer this afternoon."

"No," Carr replied with the air of a man resigned to his duty. "I'm going to flirt and grapple with Jane in order to find out more about Holt… because I must, not because I want to." Slowly Carr smiled. "Her big pitchers don't mean a thing to me."

"The effort will not have been in vain if she'll make you into less of a greenhead," Alec said, grinning suddenly. Holt had also entertained a great fascination with big pitchers, an interest which had provided the material for many jokes and quips among their circle of friends.

"Actually, I do hope to get some useful information out of her," Carr said, his tone more serious. "I think that Holt started seeing her after Leila disappeared. Maybe Jane could provide a clue about what he was doing, or what kind of enemies he might have had." He sighed, his green eyes losing their mischievous sparkle. "Though it's hard to believe he had any ene­mies. Everyone liked him."

"No. Not everyone liked him." Alec studied his young cousin, feeling a twinge of compassion… he had not realized before now just how much Carr had idealized Holt. "Holt wasn't perfect. He was a good man, but you know just as well as anyone that he had his share of faults. He was a bastard sometimes, just like all the rest of us." There was no reaction from Carr except for a quickly indrawn breath, but Alec knew how much the remark had angered him. "I'drather disabuse you of your idealism than have you make him into a damned martyr," he continued qui­etly. "He wouldn't have wanted that." "I don't want to talk about this." "You're not giving yourself a fair chance by trying to live up to his memory, especially when you seem to remember him as a saint instead of an ordinary—" "All right," Carr snapped, his temper flaring. "Just as long as you understand—" "I understand," Carr said savagely, and for several minutes there was nothing but silence between them. Eventually the closed carriage shuddered to a halt. Alec paused and looked at his cousin as the footman opened the door.

"Still want to take a hackney from here on?" "I couldn't take this to the Rummer." "Be careful. Hackney drivers are known for their ability to strip a Rum Ned like you clean in five minutes. Keep your wits sharp, and have a care for what you drink."

"I've been to the Rummer before," Carr said with affronted dignity. "And despite your opinion of me, I am occasionally capable of thinking with my head and not my thomas."