Forever Dark(32)

October 16, 2013



It’s four AM. I know Cash has his workout at five and him still being here means he’s running late.

But he’s not stopping.

He can’t.

We can’t.

His breath expels in a gasp when I arch my back against his chest. He’s gripping sheets and whispering words I can’t make out but sound like either fuck and something else.

I push the palms of my hands to his face and bring his kiss to my lips.

I can tell when he’s been tempted with other girls, trying to forget me. I know because he’s more desperate for the contact, the connection we don’t have, but we both get glimpses of when we’re like this, soaring on the passion.

I don’t blame him for searching for it with others. It’s only natural when I give nothing in return but the occasional release. There’s conversations and late night texting but no emotion outside of that. I haven’t told him I loved him in three years. He doesn’t say it either. It’s just something where I’m searching for comfort and he’s the arms I need. I bleed and he tries to compress the wound. I crash, he catches me trying to hold the weight of the world on his shoulders. But I’m always the heart I insist on turning black.

It’s evident Cash didn’t finish with whomever filled the emotional gap tonight. Maybe she tried, but based on what Landon told me, he never gives. It’s me he runs to. It’s me he’s craving and comfortable with.

“Fuck, baby…” he grunts, sitting back on his knees, he brings my legs over his shoulders, his hands on my upper thighs driving me into each thrust. I scream out in pleasure, pleasure only he gives me. He’s the only one that ever gives me an orgasm, the only one.

I’m sure Jenny can hear us. I want her to at times. I want her to know Cash is still mine no matter how many times she makes eye contact with him and watches us fuck in the mornings when he runs to me.

We fuck for hours sometimes when time allows it.

However long he wants me for.

I never ask him to leave, but he does because there’s nothing left of me to give.

Cash’s body slumps forward, parting my legs for a moment, he finds my breasts, drawing my nipples in his mouth. He doesn’t stay there long before he brings his chest against the backs of my thighs, fisting his hands in my pillow, my knees against my chest. He moves one hand to adjust the blanket and cover his bare ass, but then brings it right back to the pillow. His forehead rests against mine. Sweat covered and panting, we make eye contact. It’s the only time I can make eye contact with him though my knees are pinned to my chest, I love this position because of how deep he is… almost like he’s reaching in to my very soul, it’s an intimacy that’s shared between us when nothing more needs to be said.

His thrusts come faster now and he’s louder than before, panting and grunting with each movement.

He pulls away just slightly, enough to part my legs once more so his chest slides against mine. A sheen of sweat covers both of us as he bites my neck. I feel his teeth sink in and I know he’s leaving a mark, I flinch at the pain. I gasp but he doesn’t say anything, he usually doesn’t. Cash is the quietest guy I’ve ever fucked around with. The most he’s ever said is “fuck.” The passion we share when we are like this doesn’t require words.

I can feel when he’s close but he stops for a moment, attempting to hold himself off but he can’t. He comes, unable to stop. I can feel his dick swell, twitching a couple times but he doesn’t pull out, instead, mumbles against my lips, voice like gravel ripping my wounds open, “One more…” and goes for another. One is never enough for him. He’d go days like this, inside me, if he could.

I want that too. I want more I just don’t know how to give it so I wrap my legs around him drawing him in deeper. He groans at the position as his lips finally find mine. Giving me intoxicating kisses, he’s searching for an answer, one I can’t give. He’s asking me what this is with the passion infused with our kisses. And every time he gets the same answer. Two people afraid to let go. If there was anything I was holding onto, just within reach, it’s Cash.

The blanket falls away leaving our naked bodies—just like our hearts—bared to the world. It’s then that he doesn’t care because just a moment later the rumble that leaves his heaving chest, the way he throws his head back and the way that million dollar arm pins me to the bed is worth the whole world to see. He looks down at me as he shakes, body trembling, eyes dark as he stares at me, his brow scrunched in concentration. His breath expels in heavy gasps when he draws his bottom lip in. I know what he likes so I push him back, my hand on his chest, and kneel in front of him for a moment and remove the condom tossing it on the floor next to my bed. Taking him inside my mouth, I taste the latex from the condom but I don’t care, I have to have Cash like this, all of him, in the most intimate way. In the low light of the early morning, I can see Jenny’s awake by the light in the bathroom, watching us. When I see the door’s cracked, I know for sure. It’s weird that she does that but I can only assume it’s because she has a thing for Cash. She’s curious about him and why he’s drawn to someone like me.