Chapter One
Natalie took a deep breath, turned off her car’s ignition and then stared at the building in front of her. She’d gotten this far. However, now that she was actually here, she didn’t know if she had the strength to go through with this. She bit her lip and picked at the hangnail on the index finger of her right hand.
She leaned forward and rested her forehead on the top of the steering wheel. She’d never visited a hospice before, and knowing she was about to visit someone she knew…had once loved, in some strange way still did, made it that much harder.
Can I do this?
Get myself out of the car, walk across the parking lot, go inside, and see him.
Not just see him again after all this time, but see him lying in a bed clinging to life.
She raised her head off the steering wheel, hoping no one had walked by and seen her. A tear fell from her eye. She wiped it away, telling herself she had to be strong. She had to find the courage to go in there and see Jon because he’d asked for her. She’d never denied Jon anything, and this wasn’t the time to start.
Without giving it any more thought, she got out of the car and headed toward the hospice entrance. Her hand shook as she pulled open the door and stepped inside the lobby. A Christmas tree minus its decorations still stood in the corner of the reception, reminding her they were only a week into the New Year. At least Jon had hung on long enough to enjoy another holiday season.
“Can I help you?”
Natalie looked over at a lady, probably in her mid-fifties, sitting behind a desk.
“Yes, I’m looking for Jon Nelson’s room.”
“Jon’s one of our favorite residents, and he’s in 146. Head down the hallway to your right and it’s the room at the end on the left.”
Natalie smiled. Jon had always been likeable and he’d obviously not changed. “Thanks,” she said.
Her mouth suddenly felt devoid of salvia as she got mid-way down the hallway. She tried to swallow, rehearsing what she was going to say to him after all these years. The numbers 146 were in front of her before she realized it. The door was slightly ajar. She lifted her hand to knock but then let it drop by her side. She took a deep breath and lifted it again.
She tapped lightly, convinced that if her legs and feet didn’t feel like they were bolted to the ground, she’d turn around and run.
“Come in,” said a woman’s voice.
Natalie stepped inside to see Jon’s sister, Maggie, sitting reading on a couch by the window. She looked up and smiled as Natalie walked into the room.
She stood and put her arms out to her. “Look who’s here to see you?”
“Natalie, it’s really you.”
It was Jon’s voice. She turned to see him lying in bed. His head was bald; the gorgeous red hair that she’d loved so much was gone. Natalie guessed it hadn’t been too long ago that he’d stopped taking chemotherapy. Even though he was covered in blankets, she could tell by his bony shoulders and sunken face that he’d lost a lot of weight.
She tried to fight back the tears and bit her lip hoping that would help.
“I’ll go and get something to drink while you two have a nice visit by yourselves,” said Maggie.
His sister winked at her and left the room. Now it was just her and Jon.
“Come and sit down so we can talk.” He patted a spot on the bed beside him.
Natalie sat, and Jon put his hand out to her. She took it thinking how different it now felt to the days when they’d been high school sweethearts. Then it had been plump and warm, now bony and cold. She bit her lip again, willing herself not to break down.
“So here we are all these years later,” he said.
“Why didn’t your sister or even you, contact me sooner and let me know you were sick.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess we kept thinking I’d beat this damn disease, so there was no need to alarm everyone I’d ever known.”
Jon rubbed the back of her hand. Something he’d always done when they’d gone on dates.
“I suppose my sister told you everything when she called you.”
“She said that you weren’t…”
Natalie choked up.
“It’s okay to say it, not going to live very much longer.”
Natalie sandwiched his hand in between hers. “Oh Jon, why is it always good people like you?”
“I don’t know, but I guess that’s what life is all about. Some things you win at. Some things you lose.” He started coughing. “Could you help me to sit up a little more?”
She stood and helped slid him up the bed a tad more. Years ago when he’d been muscular that act would have been next to impossible, but now his body felt like a bird that would break at any minute. Natalie pushed a pillow behind him and heard him groan as he eased his body back against it.