First Times： Nine Tales of Innocence Lost(38)

They’d been married almost five years now, and still there was no bun in the oven. Again, and this was too much information for me, Lilly brought it up a lot and in our conversations she made it clear that her lack of a baby bump was not for a lack of trying, if you know what I mean.

Once I was all moved in we stood around and chatted for a while. It was a little awkward at first, I mean she was my sister and now kind of my landlord, even if I wasn’t going to be paying her for the privilege. The awkwardness came from Todd. He hung back, like he was avoiding me.

He kept looking at my legs.

Finally, I was alone in my new digs. I didn’t have any furniture, but they had the room set up as a guest room, or a guest suite, I guess, since it had its own bathroom. I packed my things away in the dressers and spread out on the bed. Classes started on Monday, and I had things to do.





***





It was a month into my time at my sister’s house that she caught me by the arm. She was ecstatic, I could tell. My sister was a natural beauty and always made me look drab next to her. When she still lived at home I used to follow her like a puppy. I wanted to be like her so bad. When she smiled, she was radiant.

In a hushed voice she said, “I’m pregnant.”

I threw my arms around her and we squealed in delight. I felt more sisterly towards her than I had in a long time. I lived in their house but I didn’t spend much time there, between the library and my side job at the pharmacy. I hugged her tight.

“I haven’t told Todd yet. I want to make it special. We’ve been trying for a long time.”

I nodded, feeling myself swell with joy. We chatted with each other for a few hours. Todd was out. He ran all the errands, groceries, that kind of thing. Lilly worked long hours. For the moment, anyway. Soon she’d be taking maternity leave.

I was more excited than I had any right to be.





***





Things got weird after that.

They had an argument maybe a month, month and a half later. Lilly, somehow, kept her perfect figure while starting to show. I didn’t hear the argument itself. In the big house they were too far away, but it ended up with Todd sleeping on the couch that night.

Maybe a week later, he was about to do his usual grocery run. I can’t remember why, but I decided to come home after class that day, rather than hang out in the library, and I had the day off from work.

He knocked on my door.

“Hey, Jessica. I’m running to the store. Want to come with?”

I weighed the idea. I was just reading, studying up for an exam next week. It was a nice October day and I could use the air.

“Yeah, sure,” I said.

Other than wearing long cargo pants and not shorts he was dressed like he always was. At the time I didn’t think anything of the way I was dressed in yoga pants and a long sweatshirt. It was a little chilly outside, that was all.

Todd had a big black SUV, all leather inside and really expensive. Lots of fake wood, that kind of thing. I’d never had occasion to ride in before. I got in, leaned the seat back, and folded my legs. I was tired, worn down from studying up for this exam I had to take the next week.

“How’s school?”

“Good. I aced all my midterms. I have a couple papers due, then finals at the end of November.”

He nodded, slowly.

“Pretty exciting,” I said. “I’m going to be an aunt.”

He snorted. “I didn’t think of it like that. Yeah, I guess you are. You’re a big girl now.”

Something in the way he said it tickled me and I snickered. “Yeah, I guess I am. I hope I haven’t been too much of a burden on you guys. I could start doing chores or something.”

“It’s no big deal,” he said.

“I know Lilly has been moody lately.”

“Yeah,” he said. There was a touch of bitterness in his voice, that he couldn’t hide.

“It’s just hormones. She’ll get back to normal.”

He glanced at me from the corner of his eye the rest of the way to the store. Todd did their shopping at one of those upscale places where they have a lot of organic stuff and weird, trendy foods. He pulled into a spot and I hopped out and stretched. When I looked back he was watching me, but only until I dropped my arms and turned. He looked away and took a car and kept his eyes anywhere but on me, until we made it into the store.

Once inside, he relaxed a little.

“What are you doing over the break?” he said.

I had a month off for a winter break. “I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Hang out, I guess. I don’t have a lot of money. I’ve been saving up for some stuff.”

“You know if you ever need anything, you can come to us.”