Finding Forgiveness(26)

“Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?” he shouted.

Roman caught Hunter’s wrists before he could strike out at him again but then released them just as quickly. The move seemed to catch Hunter off guard.

“Do it,” Roman said.

When Hunter didn’t respond, Roman grabbed his hands and forced them into fists. “Fucking do it!” he shouted as he put Hunter’s fisted hands against his chest.

Hunter pushed away from him and kept walking.

“You lied to me,” Roman said softly. Hunter stopped but didn’t turn so Roman closed the distance between them and then stepped around Hunter so that they were once again facing each other. “About the men in the club,” he added.

“I told you why I let them…”

“Yes, but that wasn’t the only reason, was it?” When Hunter didn’t answer him, he continued. “When will it be enough, Hunter? How much pain do you need to feel before you start forgiving yourself?”

Hunter laughed harshly. “Forgive myself? Didn’t you hear what they said in there?”

Roman had already figured that Hunter had likely overheard his conversation with Gray and Luke.

“What I heard was a story about a kid who made one really bad decision…a decision with terrible consequences. But this isn’t the fucking answer!” Roman said as he carefully grabbed a hold of Hunter’s injured arm. “Letting men brutalize you won’t undo that night, Hunter! Hurting yourself won’t give that young man the last eighteen months of his life back!”

“You think I don’t know that? You think I haven’t tried a thousand times to find the courage to tell Finn how sorry I am? How I wish I could take it all back? You think I don’t wish I was strong enough even now to admit to my fag hating dad that I was the one who kissed Finn first?”

Hunter suddenly slammed his fist into the nearest tree. Roman managed to grab him before he did it again.

“Tell me what words to use to explain to Finn why I did what I did? Because I sure as shit don’t know what they are. How do I ask him to forgive me for taking his only family away from him just so I could keep my fucked up one? How do I tell him I’m sorry he got beat up by his dad just so that I wouldn’t get beat up by mine?” Hunter was nearly screaming now.

“So yeah, when I saw those guys in the club, I knew they’d mess me up and a part of me welcomed it! That’s why I didn’t say no. That’s why I didn’t fight when they held me down. Why I didn’t cry when they kept telling me I deserved it. You can’t deny something that’s true, can you?”

Some of the ire seemed to go out of Hunter because he dropped his eyes and then shook his head slowly. “I’m letting you off the hook here, okay, Roman? I’m fine – everything’s fine. You don’t need to save me again. Go home, forget you ever met me.”

“That simple, huh?” Roman said as anger coursed through him.

“What do you want from me, Roman?” Hunter finally asked, his anger and frustration draining away.

“I want the real you back…the you I saw this morning when you were lying in my arms. The you I saw when you came running to my rescue before you realized it was Lucy who had me cornered. The you who couldn’t stop laughing his ass off at me afterwards.” Roman moved forward as he spoke and was thrilled when Hunter took matching step backwards because within a couple of seconds he backed into a tree and Roman moved into position before Hunter could escape.

“I want the you whose only thought this morning when I had you pressed up against that tree was whether or not I wanted you to kiss me.” Hunter squirmed against him and the move set off fireworks in Roman’s abdomen. He leaned down so that his lips hovered just above Hunter’s. “The answer to that question is yes…it will always be yes.”

The last syllable hadn’t even cleared his lips when Hunter reached up and seized his mouth.



***

Hunter didn’t give a shit what Roman’s motivation was for the stunning words he’d said and he didn’t care if Roman had meant them or not. All he cared about was Roman’s hungry mouth moving over his, searching, plundering, owning. Unlike their kiss in the hotel, Roman showed him no mercy this time around. His control over Hunter’s mouth and body were absolute and Hunter could only hang on for the ride. Roman’s hands sought out his and then dragged them up and over his head. He used one hand to hold both his wrists in place as his other hand skimmed up and down Hunter’s side. The tree scratched against his back as he writhed in Roman’s hold in an effort to get closer but Roman’s grip on him was unyielding and nothing he did offered any kind of relief as Roman kissed him hard and deep. Fingers bit into his waist to keep his hips from seeking out Roman’s but before he could protest, Roman pressed hard against him and Hunter cried out at the feel of their shafts brushing against each other.