Finding Eden(37)

"I know what she was like at ten," he said, looking at my mom just a little bit shyly. My mom furrowed her brow slightly, but her lips tipped up in a small smile as well as she tilted her head and took him in. I'd never seen him looking more beautiful than he did right then. Calder Raynes was in front of me wearing dress clothes. The moment was dreamlike, unreal. I was rooted to my chair, gripping the back tightly as I watched to see what he would do next.

"She was a brave, little dreamer, who had an unbreakable spirit." He took a step closer. "She was mighty enough to snatch my heart right from my chest." He walked closer, standing next to my mom now, but his eyes trained on me. I blinked, my mouth still hanging open. Somewhere next to me, I heard several women murmur, "Oh my," and "Well."

Calder looked at my mom, asking silent permission to continue. She nodded her head.

"Fourteen was when she really started to glow and suddenly, I couldn't look away. I wanted to. Because where we came from, it was a dangerous thing to notice." He paused. Every person in that garden hung on his every word, seeming to collectively lean forward in anticipation of what he would say next. "Anytime she was in the room, it was like the whole place was bathed in her warmth." He tilted his head, looking thoughtful for a second. "Does that sound like an exaggeration? Maybe overly dramatic, poetic words from a boy who has loved her his whole life?" He shook his head. "They're not. It's simply the truth. Eden blossomed into a woman before my very eyes, and although there wasn't anyone there to help her do that, she did it with grace completely by herself. It's her strength, her unwavering courage, the thing that makes her the most beautiful in my eyes." His face remained serious.

My mom was staring at him now, too, a wary gentleness in her eyes. Calder walked toward me, joy flooding my heart, and tears pricking my eyes as he weaved through the tables.

"When she was sixteen, she had the power to take my very breath away. And she did it often. She made me miserable and blissful, and everything in between." He moved around the table a few in front of mine.

"I didn't know a lot about the world at the time. And as it turns out, I knew even less than I thought I did. I led a simple life. I bathed in a river until I was eighteen years old."

There was a collective sigh from the women around me and I moved my head around, looking at them and widening my eyes. "Well that's not an unwelcome vision," an old woman next to me said a little too loudly. I bit my lip, my eyes now trained on Calder.

"But what I did know was that I loved a girl. And I knew I loved her in a way I'd never, ever recover from. I knew I loved her to the very core of myself. And I knew she loved me back."

He stopped and looked back at my mom. "I also know what it feels like to lose her. I know what it feels like to have a piece of your heart missing." His voice lowered and he cleared his throat as it grew extra gravelly. My heart swelled and tears coursed down my cheeks. "I know what it feels like when the person who's your whole life is stolen from you and each day bleeds into the next in a blur of misery and longing."

My mom swiped at her eyes and hugged her body as she looked at Calder. Calder turned back to me.

"And I know what it feels like when your life is unexpectedly, miraculously returned to you." He paused. "We lived through things so horrific and unfathomable that most of the time I can't even bear to retell it all to myself." A brief look of sorrow passed over his features. "But what I've been thinking about all day today is the beauty we experienced, the love, and the wonder. I needed so much just to sit with that because somehow in the midst of the immense grief, I'd blocked out all the light, and there was so much of it, wasn't there?"

He reached my side and knelt down to where I was. I let out a small, strangled sob, nodding yes, and smiling through the tears as I brought my hand to his cheek. He leaned into it, closing his eyes. Someone handed me a napkin and I blotted at my eyes as Calder smiled up at me. As he knelt before me, I took a deep breath. He was alive. And he was here. His depth of kindness and warmth had been one of the reasons I had first fallen in love with him. He was still my same Calder.

"I'm sorry for interrupting the party," he said. "What I really came here to ask you," his eyes looked over my face, "is whether you wanted to go bowling with me?"

I blinked. "Bowling?" I asked, scrunching my face up in confusion.

"Yeah, it's this game where you knock down pins with—"

"Yes, I know what bowling is," I interrupted, laughing softly. "I'm caught up."