Filthy Beast(58)

Lionel gives me a strange look. “Are you okay?” he asks me. “You’ve seemed… off. Sad, maybe. Moping around.”

“I’m fine,” I say, looking away. I’m surprised he even noticed.

He steps toward me with a strange expression. “Sometimes life fucks you. But listen to me, Tara. You must fuck it back. Yes? You must always fuck it back.”

I meet his gaze and I can’t help but smile. That sounds so profound and so hilarious coming from him. “Okay,” I say.

“Good.” He pats my head like a little kid, which normally would be weird, but I let it slide. “Let’s get to work.”

And so I do. I get to work. We film a few scenes of extras, a few tracking shots and scenery things, basically whatever we can do that doesn’t involve Jackson. Holly goes through a few sequences and we do a few shots of the villain and his crew.

And for a little while, I forget about Jackson. Or at least I don’t feel the hurt so deeply inside of me for a little bit. I can lose myself in work and invest myself in what I’m doing, because I’m damn good at what I do. Maybe my title is lame, but I’m important on this set, and I earned that spot.

Lionel calls lunch and I find myself eating alone in a remote corner of the set. There’s fake wreckage strewn all around me, since we’re filming a plane crash sequence this afternoon. I’m sitting on a big piece of luggage that’s filled with rocks, so it weighs a damn ton.

As I’m eating, I spot Holly picking her way through the wreck. I look down, hoping she’ll pass me by and ignore me, but I’m not that lucky.

“Script girl,” she calls out. “I want to talk to you.”

I groan and look up. I force a smile on my face, because I still have to work with her after all. “What’s up?” I ask.

“Where’s Jackson?”

I shrug a little. “I don’t know. I thought you did.”

“Nope. I figured he just went on a damn bender, but it’s been three days now and he’s not back.”

“Jackson doesn’t go on benders,” I say.

“Whatever. Aren’t you his girlfriend or some shit?”

“No,” I say softly, shaking my head. “We were just friends a while ago.”

She makes a face. “That’s not what he said.” She sighs and stares at me. “This is annoying as fuck, you know? He said he had a script for me and now he’s just gone.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

“This is your fault,” she says. “You scared him away somehow. Jesus Christ, you know, you’re such a fucking pathetic bitch. Now I’m not getting that part, all because you couldn’t hold on to your man.”

I stare at her and slowly put my food down on the ground beside me. I get up and walk over to her. Holly is about three inches taller than me, but anger flows through me like I’ve never felt before.

“What?” she asks, sneering at me. “Did I piss you off?”

I swing my hand back and slap her right across her smug, stupid face.

“Fuck you,” I say. “You’re the psycho bitch here. Everything Jackson’s been doing has been to get away from you. Leave him the fuck alone.”

She stares at me, wide-eyed and shocked. “You hit me.”

“I’ll do it again if you come near me, you cunt.” I don’t think I’ve ever called a woman a cunt before, much less slapped someone, but damn does it feel good.

I’ve wanted to hit Holly for a while now. I hate her smug face and how crazy she is. She’s the epitome of entitled bitch actress and I’m so tired of dealing with her shit. I wish I could hit her some more, beat the crap out of her, really take my anger out on her, but I know this is probably a huge mistake. I probably just ensured I’d get fired from this set. Holly can easily complain about me and get me thrown off set, maybe even destroy my career.

She backs away from me. “You’re crazy.”

“Don’t fuck with me,” I say to her. “Get your shit together and do your job.”

She just shakes her head, turns, and quickly walks away. I stare at her as she recedes and disappears into the trailers before I curl up on the ground, my back against the suitcase, and I cry.

I’m so stupid. I kept it together for so long, but now I just screwed myself. I’m going to lose my job and I’ve already lost Jackson for a second time. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

This is the lowest moment of my life. I hate Jackson for disappearing on me again and I hate myself for being so weak to let it happen. Now I just slapped Holly in the face, and while that felt freaking awesome, I really shouldn’t have done it.