Filling up the Virgin(240)

As he was serving the meal, I wrung my hands under the table. “Are you going to tell me what your big news is?” I asked.

He finished setting out both of our plates and sat down. “I was hoping we could enjoy a nice dinner first.”

“I'd really rather hear what it is,” I said. I didn't even touch my food. “I...I have something to tell you myself. And it's pretty important.”

“What is it?” he asked.

“You go first.” I kept my eyes lowered, too nervous to look at him. I picked up my fork and pushed the food around on my plate, but my stomach was tied in knots, and I couldn't bring myself to take a bite.

“Well,” he said, unfolding a napkin and setting it in his lap. “I have a decision to make. And I was hoping that you would be part of it.”

“Decision?” I asked, frowning. “What are you talking about?” The knots in my stomach just got even tighter.

“At the end of the month, they're going to be transferring me,” he said. I looked up at him and he met my eyes. “Overseas.”

“Oh God.” I felt faint and swayed in my chair. I took a sip of water, suddenly feeling parched. “You...you're leaving me?”

“No, no!” He got up and moved around the table to kneel by my side. He took both of my hands in his. “That's what I want to talk to you about. See, I've never had any reason to stay in one place before. I always just went where they needed me.”

“But?”

“But,” he said, “now I've got a reason.” He squeezed my hands.

I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. The last thing I needed right now was to find out he was moving to another country, even if it was only temporarily. He could be gone for a year or more, and that would ruin everything.

“What are you saying?” I asked, once I was calm enough to speak. “Are you leaving, or not?”

“That's what I want to talk to you about,” he said. “I have an option. I can resign my commission, and then I won't have to go.”

I held my breath for a moment while I sorted through that thought. “So is that what you're doing, or...?”

“That depends a lot on you,” he said. “I feel like things have been going really well between us. And I'd like our relationship to grow into something more. But I need to know if you're in the same place I am. That you want the same things I do.”

“And what is it that you want?”

He reached up and cupped a hand against my cheek. “I want you.”

I leaned my face against his hand and closed my eyes. “Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“And if I ask you to stay...?”

“Then I'll stay,” he said. “As long as I know what we have is something serious. I'm not asking you for marriage or something. Not yet at least. But I need to know this is a real commitment.”

I opened my eyes and looked down at him. My heart raced in my chest. “Before you decide,” I said, “I think I should share my news with you.”

“Of course,” he said. He got up and sat in his chair, scooting it closer to me. He took my hands in his and squeezed them. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to find the right way to share my news. In the end, I decided there was only one way to do it. I had to be direct.

“I'm pregnant.”

He froze in place, staring at me. His hands went limp in mine. My mind raced, imagining the worst possibilities. That he'd take the job overseas after all. That he'd leave me to raise this baby alone. Sure, he'd pay child support, and he was wealthy enough that the baby would be well-provided for. But that wasn't the same as having a father. A real family.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes.” I sighed and lowered my head. I braced myself for what was coming.

Then he laughed.

I looked up at him and saw that he had a huge, goofy grin on his face. “Really? I'm...I'm going to be a father?”

He laughed again, but it was a laugh of joy. He grabbed my face and kissed me. Tears of relief slid down my cheeks.

He pulled back and brushed a thumb across my cheek, wiping away my tears. “What's wrong?”

I shook my head. “I thought you would leave me.”

“Are you kidding?” he asked. “Now I've got even more reason to stay. I'll put in my resignation tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I'm sure,” he said. “I was ready to stay when it was just for you. Now, I've got even more reason to stay. We can do this. It'll be great.”

I let out a shuddering breath of relief and leaned against him, putting my arms around him. He held me close and stroked my hair. My fears started to fade away. There was still a lot to worry about. I'd never had a baby before, and I wasn't sure if I was ready. But at least now I knew I wouldn't be doing it alone.