Fifth Gospel(98)

Jesus looked at them, grave-serious. ‘In the same way they killed John, so will they kill me, but this is my destiny, and you must get used to it. The spirit of God that lives in me, shall be delivered up as has been foretold by the prophets. That is why I am preparing you, so that you can withstand the end when it comes, for I will need witnesses in the world, and you are the eyes and ears that shall see and hear and proclaim it.’

Simon-Peter said, with great emotion, ‘God forbid this should happen to you, master!’

Jesus’ eyes were full of disappointment, ‘What now Peter? A moment ago you spoke so righteously, you understood? This is not the light in you that speaks, but only what is dark…this darkness inspires you to disdain suffering, and death as something that must be shunned! This darkness is Satan, who tempts you and bends your soul to his delusion that only earthly life and comfort are of value. I say to this being that deludes you: get thee behind me Satan!’ When he said it he spat at the ground.

John felt chastised, for he had thought the same. Above, the clouds gathered and a flash was seen, and a rumble shook the circle as if to put a seal on their master’s words.

‘What will we do when you are gone? How shall we manage when we are only poor fishermen and shepherds and day labourers…?’ James said, because night was falling and he too seemed to be falling into his old melancholia.

‘Love one another like brothers, love another life as if it were your own life,’ Jesus told him.

‘What did he say?’ asked Andrew.

‘He said, “Love one another!”’ Simon-Peter shouted.

‘So that is all?’ Judas said from his standing position, leaning on a tree. ‘You have had us follow you these many months for this? So that when you are gone we shall know to love one another?’ He left the tree now and came to stand nearer the circle. ‘What of the trials of Israel? What of the salvation of her people? The storm gathers about her and yet you do not seek to find shelter for her!’

Jesus regarded Judas as if he were an aberrant child that must be brought into line. ‘You think what I tell you is a simple thing, Judas, and yet I tell you there is nothing harder. To love another truly, selflessly one needs to know oneself first. If Israel knew herself, she would realise how full of faults she is, then she would not think herself so high and mighty. She would love even those who did not belong to her and she would not need to seek shelter.’ Jesus said to him. To the others he said, ‘When I am gone you must remember…learn to know yourselves, so that you can love others truly.’

‘But why must you die? How can the world benefit from losing you? What shall your death accomplish?’ John asked, because he was of a sudden full with sorrow.

‘Yes…’ James, his brother joined in, ‘The Pharisees will be happy to kill you, and then they will continue to teach the old ways and to send men to their ruin!’

There was seen another flash and it was accompanied by the tearing up of heaven in a thunderclap.

Jesus looked at all of them. ‘Courage, my brothers, courage! Do you see the thoughts of the gods in the heavens? This lightning is like the thoughts that flit about in your heads…but what of the thunder? Do you not hear the thunder in your hearts; listen to your hearts, my Sons of Thunder!’ he said to John and to James, ‘It resounds the truth for all who can hear it, it is only by dying that I can save the world from death!’

Philip scratched his head, ‘But how can a dead man do anything, much less save the world from death?’

‘Philip, you soft head!’ Simon-Peter said to him, exasperated. ‘Didn’t you just hear me say a moment ago that Jesus is not just a man? That he is also Christ, a God in a man!’

Philip waved a hand at him in a sour mood.

‘Listen,’ Jesus called their attention to him. ‘My death will be different from any other death before me. It will be different because no god has ever died an earthly death.’

‘Well then…I shall die with you!’ said John, overcome with love.

‘And I!’ said James his brother.

Andrew cocked his head, ‘What did they say they would do?’

‘For the love of Abraham, Andrew!’ Simon-Peter said. ‘They will die with the master…that’s what they said!’

‘Oh! And so shall I then! I shall die with him also, and then I will truly know him!’ Andrew said.

The men were arguing as to the martyrdom they would each be prepared to suffer, when Judas spoke out.

‘Listen to you lot! Trying to surpass each other in your martyrdoms! You are like children!’