Fifth Gospel(97)

He was full with relief when, having come to a place where there were a number of Essene herders, his master made a sudden pause and gestured to a great tree atop a grassy knoll where they would spend the night. The air had been hot all day and now there was the rumble of thunder. John thought it a shame that it was not yet night, for he loved to see the lightning chase the skirts of the clouds. He ate their cheese and drank their milk, grateful for food, and was lost in his thoughts when Jesus’ voice disturbed him,

‘Compare me to something, and tell me what I am like.’ His voice was light and in his eye the look spoke of a riddle. John liked riddles and he looked around the circle and the others were all looking at him. His smiled waned and he was full of uncertainty.

‘You are…’ he began.

But Philip, who had been chewing on his cheeks, broke in. ‘Some say you are inspired by what comes from Elijah or what lived in other prophets…they say you are a messenger!’

‘Would you call Elijah, a Son of Man?’ he said to John again.

John felt his face flush. A long time he felt it, and then he harnessed his courage to say, ‘You are…’

But his brother interrupted, ‘We have learnt from you that John the Baptist was a Son of Man, as was Elijah, Jeremiah and the prophets. They were the elect of the Earth, for they had pure souls.’

Jesus nodded, ‘Yes…that is what I have said of them, but what do you say of me?’ He looked at John again.

‘Some say you are a wise philosopher,’ Matthew Levi broke in, looking at the others for support.

Jesus raised a brow, and looked about the circle, ‘Do they? They say that I am a wise philosopher?’

Thomas, seized by enthusiasm, turned his crossed eyes to Jesus and said, ‘Teacher! My mouth is unable to say what you are!’

Jesus let his benevolent regard fall upon him, ‘That is because your mouth is full!’

All of them laughed.

‘Have I not told you, Thomas, I am not a teacher, and yet you continue to call me rabbi? Can your eyes not see more than this body? From whence comes the power in me?’ he said to them, ‘Do any of you know?’

John faltered again under his vigilant eye. He wanted to say that he thought him like a priest, the highest priest of all, but he was uncertain again. His brother too did not speak, only Simon-Peter had the courage to say something.

He said to him, ‘I have seen that your power comes from the light of the world! The priests call all those souls who are purified, Sons of Man. But in you, lives more than a purified soul. In you, lives the Son of the living God, who has come down from the cosmos! I have seen the light of Christ in you with the eye of my heart!’ He looked to the others, ‘I have seen it!’

Jesus seemed full with pleasure. ‘You have seen it, Simon-Peter. Yes, I know that this is so, and blessed you are for it! One day you will help to carry my cross…you will be the rock that grinds the wheat into bread…the rock upon which my church shall be built. A community, faithful to my teachings, against whose truths even death shall not prevail.’

Simon-Peter was flushed and happy with himself, but a moment later he seemed sick to the stomach with worry. ‘A new community! And I shall be its leader? I am no leader, rabbi…I am only good at two things, catching fish and eating them.’

The others laughed again and Jesus laughed along with them, for Peter’s child-hood, ‘It will take time but you will find your footing, even in a storm. It shall not be smooth sailing but a toil and you will have to cast your net far and wide into the world, and like the good fisherman that you are, you will catch many men. Andrew, your brother, will also help you.’

Simon-Peter remained unsure, ‘But, rabbi,’

Jesus raised a hand.

‘I mean, master,’ Simon-Peter corrected himself, ‘all fish do not swim together, they swim only with their own kind…and they eat each other up, the big fish eat the little fish, and so on!’

Jesus leaned his head towards him, ‘Look around in our circle…many of you are not related, but are here because destiny has brought you together. There are big fish and little fish among you, but you do not eat one another. This is a new community. You see, Peter, it is not enough just to have the light in you. As fish swim together, so should you join with others who are the same as you, who also have the light. Such a community will be bound to me by destiny, on earth and in heaven…this you will tell men after I am gone.’

‘You speak of the end of your life, without concern.’ Matthew Levi said, ‘yet it concerns us all a great deal.’

‘We worry for it,’ said Andrew.