Fashionably Dead Down Under(67)

“Um, not that it’s any of your business,” I said, completely embarrassed. “But yes, we’re fine.”
“So, first things first,” he said jovially. “You’ll be delighted to know Lust has been appropriately punished and humiliated. Would you like to know what I did?”
“No,” I said at the same time Ethan said, “Yes.”
“Two against one.” Satan laughed and clapped his hands. “I shall tell you. I do have to congratulate myself. It was quite a creative punishment and one she won’t forget anytime soon.”
I really didn’t want to know, but Satan wanted to brag on his brilliance. I had no choice, but when the reality of what he’d done actually hit I was mortified. However, Ethan seemed quite pleased.
“What did you just say?” I yelled. “You did what?”
“Do you not understand English?” my uncle asked with a wolfish grin on his face. Ethan glanced down to hide his smile. I kicked him under the table and turned my furious gaze back on my uncle.
“Tell me you’re joking,” I snapped.
“Not even a little bit,” he replied. “Think about it, beautiful niece, it makes perfect sense. In order to hit someone where it will hurt, you must tap into their basest desires.”
“But it was an invasion of my privacy.” I crossed my arms over my chest and narrowed my eyes at the Devil.
“Your disrespect is so invigorating,” he shouted with glee.
“So you put her in a cage outside of our guest house and made her listen to us have sex all night?” I was flabbergasted, grossed out and a tiny bit impressed with his evilness.
“Yes, you are correct. And from everything I’ve heard it was quite vocal and completely out of control.” He winked at Ethan.
“Oh my God,” I muttered and pressed my fingers to the bridge of my nose. Last night had been a loud one, even for me. “That is just sick.”
“Yes, well, I am rather proud. She won’t be annoying you for a while.” He poured an obscene amount of syrup on his pancakes and dug in as if all was peachy keen in the world.
Playing with the linen napkin, I did have to agree it was rather brilliant and the petty part of me enjoyed that she heard how good I actually was—Ethan had been very vocal during . . . Wait. This was fucked. Yesterday I put fifty Demons with questionable pasts out of their misery and then caused a tornado in a poker room right after Mister Rogers may or may not have cheated during a round. Like that wasn’t enough . . . my evening of screaming sexual gymnastics with my mate ended up being a punishment for the slut who pushed me to the Basement of Hell. I. Needed. To. Go. Home. Now.
“So, Vampyre,” Satan cooed condescendingly.
“Yes, Uncle Fucker?” Ethan replied with a smirk his face.
Satan winced and pressed his palms to his temples as I slapped my hand over my mouth to hold back the burst of laughter that threatened to escape.
“Point taken,” Satan muttered, shaking his head. “Ethan, you do realize your time is limited down here.”
“Satan, with all due respect, you’re wrong.” Ethan picked up a cup of coffee and took a sip. Damnit, he was old enough to drink stuff other than blood. I was insanely jealous. I dipped my finger in the syrup and touched it to my tongue. Oh hell no, it tasted like butt. My gag caused both sets of golden eyes to land on me.
“Sorry,” I mumbled and shoved my hands under my thighs.
“Anyhoo,” Satan continued, ignoring Ethan’s statement, “I’m quite sure I’m right, so you two will be under a bit of a time constraint to accomplish this little mission I have for you.”
“You’re wrong,” I said.
He blew out an exasperated sigh and shook his head sadly at us. “I don’t know where you’re getting your information from but I can . . . ”
“Your mother.”
Satan paled considerably and his eyes darted around the room in fear. “What are you talking about?” he whispered wildly. “Is she here?”
“Nope, she’s doing Grandpa in Nirvana for a week or so.”
“I’m sorry, what?” While my uncle’s color had come back his voice was still barely audible.
“Grandma, who prefers Gigi, is doing the nasty with Grandpa this week. She stopped by the other day and we had a little chat.” I grinned at his discomfort.
“You’re alive?”
“Yep, even after I suggested she look into some meds.” I ignored his look of shock and folded my napkin into a swan with droopy wings. I had never been good at napkin animals.#p#分页标题#e#
Satan was speechless. I was fairly sure this was a first for him and I had to admit I enjoyed it. He focused on his fruit and chewed as he thought. It was his turn so I waited.