Fashionably Dead Down Under(48)

“Don’t you want to know why?” I asked.
“I already know,” she trilled and took my face in her hands. “But I only bestow gifts on those who are worthy. You, my child, are worthy. Time will resume when the mission impossible has been accomplished. Ohhhhhhhhhh, I love that movie. Don’t you? Tom Cruise is such a cutie.”
Grandpa harrumphed from under his bush and Gigi giggled.
“Anyhoo, I’m horny and I want the Sword of Death tucked away in the Den of Iniquity where it belongs. I’m so not in the mood to be killed when you’ve given me a new lease on life, Astrid.”
Deciding to ignore the horny part I touched on the storage of the Sword instead. “Why on earth would the Sword be kept in The Den of Iniquity? Seems a little dicey to me,” I said, surprised the True Immortals would be fine with that.#p#分页标题#e#
“On no, dear, it’s perfect. Trust me.”
Clearly it wasn’t perfect if someone had taken it, but I didn’t want to kill her happy buzz.
“Bill, you’ll be coming home with me,” she cooed to Grandpa. “I have an itch that needs to be scratched for about a week or so.”
“My pleasure.” Grandpa grinned like a teenage boy about to score big and moved quickly to her side.
“Astrid darling, we’ll be in touch. I’m going to get us signed up for pole dancing classes!”
“Great,” I said, pulling Ethan out from under the bush. “This is my mate, Ethan.”
“Ohhhhhh, he’s dreamy. Take care of her or I’ll smite you.” She smiled sweetly, blew me a kiss and in a burst of rose and turquoise colored glitter she and Grandpa disappeared.
“If I hadn’t witnessed that, I would never have believed it,” Ethan muttered.
“Um, me neither.” I giggled and dropped to the couch. WTH? The house had been totally returned to a house. Aside from a few gorgeous plants that had appeared in shimmering pots, you’d never know we been in a forest only moments ago.
“What’s next?”
“I’m not sure. I suppose I should have a chat with Uncle Fucking Satan.”
“I have been called many things, but that one is new to me,” Satan said, standing in the doorway. “I’m not quite sure I like that.”
“Oh my God,” I shouted. “Have you ever heard of knocking?”
“Now where would the fun in that be? Introduce me to your Vampyre.”
“Ethan, Satan. Satan, Ethan,” I said warily.
“Lovely to meet you, Ethan. Why don’t we all have a seat and have a little get to know you time?”
I had a feeling this would either be a clusterfuck or a clusterfuck . . .

Chapter 16
I sat on the couch witnessing the surreal exchange of pleasantries between the King of the Underworld and the strongest Vampyre alive who also happened to be a Prince. The simple truth that one was my uncle and one was my mate was bizarre. Of course the other fact was that even though they were older than dirt, they both looked around thirty. Ahhhh, the life of an immortal.
“I’d like to offer my most sincere apologies for your treatment thus far,” Satan said, clearly disturbed that he was unaware of the situation.
Mind you, the torture didn’t seem to bother him as much as the fact he didn’t know about it . . . Getting used to this side of the family was going to be a challenge.
Ethan simply nodded and watched my uncle carefully.
“Strong silent type,” Satan mused, examining Ethan just as closely.
The beauty in the room was stupid. I exhaled the breath I was holding slowly because I hadn’t realized I was holding it. I knew for certain my attraction to my uncle was in no way sexual, but his sheer charisma was shattering. Ethan was the only person so far to be unaffected. Uncle Fucker didn’t like that.
“Ethan, my boy, do you play poker?”
Ethan’s body tensed at the word boy, but he didn’t lash out physically. No, he was far too clever for that . . .
“Actually I do, Uncle Fucker. May I call you Uncle Fucker?” he inquired politely. “I assume I’ll be meeting so many members of Astrid’s family, I’d like to get the monikers correct.”
“Satan will be fine,” my uncle answered tersely.
“Will Dante be there?” I asked, changing the subject. A fight was out of the question.
“Yes,” Satan sighed dramatically. “He’s an insufferable bore, but he always shows up and it would just be rude to turn him away.”
“I’ve heard he’s an ass,” Ethan added. “I assume he went a bit girly when he realized his fiction was truly fiction.”
“Yes, yes,” the Devil laughed heartily. “The son of a bitch got his panties in quite the wad.”