Fashionably Dead Down Under(46)

He hopped up and joined me. Grandpa swallowed several times, ran his hands through his already messy hair and then chanted in a language that was vaguely familiar to me. The melody was transfixing and I found myself swaying.
Slowly the carpet turned to grass and the furniture to boulders and bushes. The curtains transformed from brocade to blindingly colorful flowering vines. The scents were divine. Trees sprouted and burst through the ceiling. Heavy unfamiliar orange and blood red fruit hung from the branches. Pastel colored birds flew gracefully around the room and tiny monkeys hopped from the limbs to the bushes. I idly wondered if the house would ever go back to normal, but this was so gorgeous, I didn’t really care.#p#分页标题#e#
“It’s beautiful,” I said as a purple bird landed on my shoulder.
“Son of a bitch, shit, hellfire and damnation,” a female voice screamed. “I was in the middle of Jeopardy. This had better be good, or I’ll turn your ass into a tree.”
The voice, hypnotically beautiful, did not match the words flying from the mouth of the disheveled beauty standing in the middle of the forest that used to be a guesthouse. She wore a gown made of a sheer sparkling fabric like none I’d ever seen. Yards and yards of the tulle-like material floated around her. Her hair was a wild mass of fiery red curls and her skin was a pale porcelain. But her eyes . . . her eyes were the clearest, brightest blue and they glittered. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen and she was pissed.
Her magic filled the room. It had an earthy scent to it with a distinct undertone of malice. Every move she made was sensual and dangerous. Shit, I hoped this was the right decision.
“Bill, this is not good timing,” she hissed. “That smug bastard Alex Trebek mispronounced a word and I was watching the gas filled douchewanker squirm. It was glorious.”
Grandpa’s name was Bill? Satan’s father was named Bill? How was that possible? I bit back the hysterical laughter that was trapped in my throat and prayed that she wouldn’t notice us.
“Gaia, lovely to see you,” Grandpa Bill stuttered.
She eyed him critically and then gifted him with a smile. A smile so brilliant, it would have killed a mere mortal. Grandma had some major mojo going on . . .
“I prefer Gigi,” she snapped, turning to me. “Grandma sounds old.”
Fuck, another mind reader.
She laughed with delight and then sucked in a quick startled breath. Her eyes narrowed and she walked toward me. Ethan being an alpha dude and my mate stepped in front of me, staking his claim and warning Mother Nature.
“Silly, silly Vampyre,” she murmured, pushing him away with a mere flick of her finger. “You. You are so pretty.”
“Thank you, so are you,” I said and then went for the big one. “I, um . . . killed your son—my father.”
“Yes, yes. Thank you, dear,” she muttered searching my face.
Wow, not what I expected. No one like my dad . . . not even his nutty mother. “Why in the hell is everyone so scared of you?”
I heard Grandpa’s gasp and Ethan’s moan of displeasure. I rolled my eyes. By now they had to know I was a loose cannon. Having no clue how long Gigi was going to stick around, I decided to get right down to business.
“Because I’m a woman with power and a monthly cycle,” she said, adjusting her ample bosom. Bill cleared his throat. Twice. “Alright, fine, I’m a little unstable and prone to fits that result in earthquakes, typhoons and volcanic eruptions. Happy?” she snapped and glared at her husband. He winked and she giggled. Bizarre.
I shut my brain doors, knowing at some point I would think something that would piss her off. Could I just ask her to stop time? Did Grandpa need to ask? What would I owe her?
“So is anybody going to tell me why I’m here? There is a Full House marathon coming on and I think that show is so heinous I must watch it.”
Mother Nature watches Jeopardy and Full House . . . How did I end up here? Only short months ago I was a single art teacher with nothing exciting on the horizon. Now I was a Vampyre-Demon who turns out to be related to every mythical and religious figure imaginable. WTF?
“Well, um . . . we were wondering, you know, since my mate, Ethan, can only, um . . . ” She was making me nervous. What if I caused a tsunami? I’d be sick about that.
“Forgive me, son,” she muttered and made the sigh of the cross, “I’m about to sin . . . again. Goddamnit, I don’t have time for this. Get to the fucking point or I’ll blow up the left side of Hell and let you explain that to my other shit of a son who NEVER comes to visit me.”
She stomped around the room. Her little monkeys followed her faithfully and the birds flew in a halo formation around her head.