Dylan’s Redemption(56)
He studied the little boy at his feet, light brown hair, puppy-dog brown eyes when he wanted something, and a smile that melted his heart. He was perfect.
“Long story short, her parents arrived, agreed I could adopt the baby. A lawyer and a judge later, Will was mine.”
“I chose you Daddy,” Will said from the floor where he sat tearing the magazine pages and wadding them into balls, tossing them at Dylan and making explosion noises.
“That’s right, little man. You chose me.”
Greg rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “That’s amazing. Jessie will be surprised when you tell her,” Greg said.
“What do I tell her? That I adopted a perfect stranger’s baby, but I couldn’t be there when she gave birth to my daughter.”
“That’s your anger talking. You didn’t know. If you got her messages, you’d have been there.” Greg made a point of staring down his mother as she stood by the doorway wringing her hands.
“Jessie thinks I’ll be mad at her. Why would I be mad at her? She’ll never forgive me for what happened. She’ll never believe I love her,” Dylan said, dropping his head and frowning miserably.
“She blames herself for Hope’s death. She had a difficult delivery. She thinks that if she’d done something different, pushed harder, faster, or taken better care of herself before the baby came that it wouldn’t have happened. It wasn’t her fault. The baby got sick. That’s all. Nothing she did or didn’t do would have changed it.”
“No, but it could have been better, if I’d been there to share her pain. If we’d shared our daughter and her death. I could have helped Jessie through her grief.”
“Help her heal from this accident,” Greg suggested. “Tell her you know about Hope and take it from there.”
Greg tried to give Dylan something to look forward to. Something that would make everything a little more bearable, and Dylan grabbed on to it. “She has pictures.”
Dylan looked up with interest. “Of Hope. She has pictures of Hope.”
“Yes, Dylan. We took a lot of pictures at the hospital.”
Greg squeezed his shoulder and Dylan sat, absorbing everything they’d told him. He leaned over his knees with his hands on his forehead and wept. It was just too much.
He didn’t hear his mother sneak away or Brian and Marilee come in so that Greg and John could visit Jessie. He didn’t realize Marilee bought Will a snack at the vending machine and sat with him in her lap while he ate. He sat with his head in his hands, silent tears falling, consumed by guilt and sadness for the woman he loved and the baby they’d lost.
He wondered if he’d lost Jessie.
He vowed he wouldn’t let that happen. They’d lost enough. He wouldn’t allow them to lose each other too. Now, all he had to do, convince Jessie he loved her. He always loved her.
Chapter Twenty
* * *
DYLAN SENT A very sleepy Will home with his nanny, Lorena. He needed to stay with Jessie. Dylan hated to be separated from Will. He wanted the boy close, so he could hold and love him and not feel so desolate at losing his daughter. The ache in his heart turned to a chasm of emptiness that threatened to swallow him whole.
He spent the night with Jessie in her room. Before they left, Greg and John gave him a bear hug and assured him they’d be back today with clothes for Jessie. The fact they knew where she lived and could get into her house irritated Dylan, but he had to face reality. They took care of Jessie. He hadn’t been there for her, thanks to his own mother.
He was grateful to them for staying with her, helping her get through the desperate months she didn’t want to live, and making sure she wasn’t alone. They’d become the family she’d always deserved.
The nurses came and went through the night. They arrived often, checking her blood pressure, monitors, and changing out her IV bag. Jessie didn’t stir at all.
They adjusted her position throughout the night, propping pillows behind her back and hips to keep her lying on the side that hadn’t been ravaged by the slide across the road.
He caught on to the nurse’s routine, and when it came time to move her, he helped the nurses in any small way. It gave him a sense of satisfaction to help Jessie and an excuse to touch and comfort her. He held her hand while she slept and stroked her face. He talked to her, knowing she couldn’t answer him, but he hoped she heard him and took the opportunity to say all the things he’d wanted to say to her over the years. He poured his heart out about Hope and what happened, afraid she wouldn’t give him the chance to say his piece when she woke up.