Dream Wedding(73)

They had just made love and laughed, now they were holding each other. These are the moments, she thought. This was the perfection everyone sought. This was what it was about. The only rude intrusion was the pain in her chest that warned her it was going to be impossible to forget him.

“I can’t,” she said. “I need roots. I thought I was waiting until I had the right article before I went to New York. Or maybe I thought I was waiting until Cassie got married and I knew she was going to be all right. But it’s not about any of that. Cassie’s a grown-up and she’s been capable of taking care of herself for years.”

His green eyes darkened. “What were you waiting for?”

“Nothing. I thought I should go, but that was about expectations, not about what I wanted. I belong in Bradley. This is my home. I’m not saying I don’t want to see parts of the world. I think most people would like to travel, but I’m not like you. I couldn’t be happy with your lifestyle. At least not for any length of time.”

And you couldn’t be happy here, she thought. But there was no point in saying that—they both knew the truth.

She could read disappointment and hurt in his expression. “You’re telling me no.” It wasn’t a question.

She ran her hand up and down his strong back, as if she could memorize everything about him. Later, the remembering was all she would have.

“I’m telling you that you belong out there. You’re different from the rest of us, truly larger than life. Go find your magic, Arizona.”

“What will you find?”

“What I’ve had all along. My roots. Just like Dorothy learned in The Wizard of Oz. For me, there is no place like home.”

She thought about telling him that she loved him, but she was afraid. What would he do with the information? Besides, she couldn’t bear to have the words hanging in the silence. Knowing that he wasn’t going to say it back wouldn’t be enough to keep her from hurting when he didn’t respond.

“I don’t like what you’re saying,” he told her. “Unfortunately I can’t seem to muster a good argument against it.” He kissed her. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too. More than I should.”

He hugged her close. “Maybe you should ask me to stay here. Then we would have each told each other no.”

The last little corner of her heart shattered. Until he’d said the words, she’d allowed herself to hope. That maybe he would offer to settle here, at least for a while. But that had never been his intention. Maybe Aunt Charity had been right and she was a coward for not asking, but at least she had the rather empty satisfaction of knowing that she’d been right.

They were silent for a long time. Finally, he reached up and clicked off the light on the nightstand. She stiffened. “I have to be going,” she told him.

“Don’t,” he said in the darkness. “If you won’t give me the summer, then just give me one night to sleep in your arms.”

She didn’t have to think it over. It was what she wanted too. She knew she wouldn’t sleep, but at least she would be able to feel him next to her. More memories to have for later.

“I’ll stay,” she whispered.

“Good.” He shifted to get more comfortable. “I should probably warn you that I think I snore.”

“I know that from last time.”

“Oh. Well, I also sleep like the dead. If you have to wake me up for something, don’t bother shaking me. I’ve slept through hurricanes, earthquakes, not to mention several alarms. I don’t even bother with a wake-up call. I never hear the phone. Just turn on the light. That one always gets me. Unexpected light, and I’m instantly awake.”

“I’ll remember,” she promised. And she would. She would think about that small detail and wonder how it would have affected their lives together…if they’d had a future.

You’re getting way too weepy, she told herself. You’re with him now. Enjoy this time. Save the suffering for later. There’s going to be plenty of it.

Chloe tried to take her own advice. As Arizona drifted off to sleep, and as promised, began to snore, she relived all their time together. Everything from her stunned amazement at finding him in her kitchen, to their lovemaking just a short time earlier that night.

She must have dozed for a while because when a sharp noise woke her, she wasn’t sure where she was.

The phone rang again. Chloe blinked and everything came into focus. Arizona snored on, oblivious to the sound. As she reached for the receiver, she glanced at the clock. It was a little after two. Had something happened to his father?