Dream Wedding(54)

“Sounds to me like you’re falling in love with him.”

Chloe sucked in a breath. “No,” she said firmly. “That’s not possible.”

Cassie ignored her. “Of course it is. You’ve cut yourself off from your heart for so long, you can’t recognize the symptoms. Why else would any of this matter?”

“It’s not that.”

“What else could it be? You’re worried about what the man does for a living and how much he travels. If this was just a fling you would be grateful that he was leaving and that you would never have to see him again. Instead it bothers you. You want to find a way to blend your lives. That’s what loving someone is all about.”

“No. I don’t love him. I don’t want to love him. I don’t want to love anyone.”

Now it was Cassie’s turn to reach across the table and touch her hand. “Yes, you do. Chloe, it’s time to let go of the past. You tend to hang on to things for too long. I miss Mom and Dad, too, but I’ve let it go. I have the memories. What I learned is that you never know how long you’re going to have, so love fully. You learned not to trust them. You probably would have gotten over that if Billy hadn’t died and you can’t forgive him for being wrong. He was your first love. I remember you told me he’d promised you he would get well, and you believed him. Then he died. It’s been nearly eight years and you’re still mad at Aunt Charity. It’s not her fault that she wasn’t in the country when her brother was killed. Was she supposed to live next door all those years, just in case?”

“Of course not.” Chloe knew her voice was stiff, but she was having trouble speaking past the tightness in her throat. “I’m not a closed, unforgiving person.”

Cassie’s fingers squeezed her own. “That’s not what I meant. You’re a wonderful person and I love you very much. But sometimes, you’re so stubborn I just want to shake some sense into you. Let the past go. Look forward for once. Don’t lose this wonderful opportunity with Arizona. When are you going to meet someone like him again?”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“It can be, if you let it.”

Chloe looked at her sister. She wanted to believe her, but she couldn’t. Cassie was right—after nearly eight years, she was still angry at Aunt Charity. The woman should have known that her brother had died. There was no excuse for staying out of contact for more than three years. If not for her, Chloe and Cassie wouldn’t have been sent to foster homes. They wouldn’t have been separated. She wouldn’t have met Billy.

Chloe stiffened. She wouldn’t have met Billy. Was that what she wanted? To never have known him?

She turned the thought over in her mind. She regretted his death. It had hurt to love him. But even knowing he was going to die, she wasn’t sure she would have wished him out of her life. She’d learned a lot from him. She’d learned about courage and dignity. She’d learned about giving her whole heart and she’d learned about pain.

“What are you thinking?” Cassie asked.

“That this is all so complicated. I should have been more like you and gotten involved with someone like Joel.”

“He could never make you happy.”

Chloe wanted to ask if he made her happy, but this wasn’t the time.

“What are you going to do now?” Cassie asked.

“I don’t know.” Chloe gave her a smile, squeezed her hand once, then rose to her feet. “I can’t make any decisions until I’ve thought this through. I’m not going to call him or anything. I’ll let him make the next move.”

“You need to distract yourself.” Cassie glanced at her watch. “It’s not that late. Do you want to go to a movie or something?”

“Not tonight. I think I’ll try to work on my article. I won’t be able to get Arizona out of my mind, so I might as well take advantage of that.”

She headed for the stairs, then paused and faced her sister. “Thanks for listening to me. I appreciate it.”

“That’s part of the job.” Cassie grinned. “At least there’s good news about the situation.”

“What’s that?”

“Now that you’ve slept with him, you really will be able to write an ‘intimate’ portrait of the man.”

* * *

ARIZONA LEFT THE hotel bar and headed up to his room. He wasn’t much of a drinker, but one beer didn’t go very far to help him forget his troubles.

As he left the elevator and started toward his room, he wondered again what had gone wrong with Chloe. Okay, he should have told her about the helicopter, but he really didn’t think it was that big a deal. If she hadn’t been receptive, he wouldn’t have tried anything. It wasn’t as if he’d had to talk her into making love with him.