Dream Wedding(104)
She shook her head. She wasn’t surprised by his observation. After all, they’d been together nine years. Of course Joel knew her.
“I have a lot on my mind,” she told him, then cleared her throat. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about Ryan.”
He nodded as if he’d suspected as much. “He’s an interesting man. What does he do?”
She was a little surprised he wasn’t angered by her confession. “Ryan owns a computer software design firm. They put out a few games of their own, but mostly they do subcontract work from large companies. He started it himself when he was barely out of college.”
She paused as she wondered if she should tell him that she’d actually learned all this during the past year, from Helen, Ryan’s sister-in-law, rather than from the man himself. In the week she’d been working for him, she and Ryan hadn’t had a personal conversation. Nearly everything they talked about revolved around Sasha.
Joel frowned. “This has to be a really tough time for him, what with losing his brother and all. I’m sure he appreciates your help.” He reached across the table and squeezed her fingers. “I appreciate that you were willing to drop everything and move in there to lend a hand. It shows the kind of person you are.”
Cassie wanted to scream. “I’m not a saint,” she said testily. “Sasha is a sweet little girl and I like taking care of her. Looking after one child is much easier than watching six and Ryan’s paying me a lot more than I make at the preschool. There isn’t much that’s noble or self-sacrificing about what I’m doing.”
“You’re too modest. Most people wouldn’t have bothered to offer their services in the first place.”
“I know, it’s just…” She glared at him. “Aren’t you the least bit jealous or concerned about the situation?”
Joel released her hand and straightened in his seat. “What situation?” he asked in genuine bafflement.
His confusion only added fuel to her temper. “I’m living with a very attractive, very single man. He and I are alone in that house, day after day. A twenty-six-month-old toddler isn’t much of a chaperon.”
Joel stared at her for a couple of seconds, then started laughing. At first it was just a chuckle, but the sound grew. He slapped both hands on the table. “Jealous? Oh, Cass, don’t worry about that at all. It’s nice that you’re concerned about what I’m thinking, but don’t be.”
She thought about strangling him but knew she didn’t have the physical strength. There weren’t any weapons close at hand, not even a fork—the waitress had cleared away Joel’s plate and flatware. Which left her glass, a straw, his cup and a spoon. Nothing lethal there. She settled on glaring.
Finally he stopped laughing enough to give her a lopsided smile. “Really. I’m not worried. A man like Ryan would never be interested in a woman like you.”
It wasn’t anything she hadn’t told herself a dozen times in the past week. But whispering it in the quiet of her mind was very different than hearing someone else say it out loud.
“I see,” she said sharply. “So I’m not sophisticated enough. My job isn’t intriguing, and I don’t go to the right parties or know the right people.” I’m not pretty enough, she thought, but she couldn’t bring herself to say that one aloud.
“Exactly.”
She looked away and concentrated on keeping her hurt from showing. She knew she wasn’t anything like the women in Ryan’s world. If she were more like her sister, the situation would be different. Chloe was tall and beautiful. As a journalist, she had a glamorous profession. She could talk to anyone in any situation. She wasn’t a preschool teacher whose idea of a hot night on the town was a movie with her boyfriend of nine years.
“Cassie, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Blinking back tears, she kept her gaze firmly on the collection of plants in the bay window to her right.
“I can see you’re upset. Did I say something?”
She turned back to face him. “Nothing but the truth. You’re right—a man like Ryan wouldn’t be interested in me. I know that, but it’s not the point.”
He looked bewildered. “Then what is?”
“You’re supposed to be worried,” she told him. “You’re supposed to care that I’m living with another man, that we’re in close proximity all day long. You’re supposed to think that I’m special enough to tempt anyone. But you don’t.”
The last three words came out softly as she tried to control her suddenly quivering lower lip. He stretched his hand across the table. “Cassie, don’t. I think you’re very special. You’re a wonderful young woman and I’m lucky to have you.”