Don't Follow Me: A High School Bully Romance (Diamond In The Rough Book 4)(43)

“I mean, you had the money from all those--”

She stopped herself in her tracks and I nodded slowly. I stared at her with tired eyes, waiting for her to look at me. Waiting for her to respond to me. Waiting for her to say something--anything--acknowledging that I was right about this.

That my assessment of the situation wasn’t completely off.

“Mom?”

She licked her lips. “Everything will be okay. It always is.”

“Mom, please look at me.”

She took my hand, but refused to look. “I didn’t know you were feeling like this, sweetheart.”

“I honestly thought it would go away, Mom. After I went off to college and confirmed for myself that I needed to be there instead of here. That maybe, me going away would help you to find your footing somehow.”

She snickered. “You’ve been planning on going to college to get away from me, haven’t you?”

And as the question fell from her lips, my world came to a grinding halt.

Had I planned on going to college to get away from her?





36





Clinton





“Here you go.”

Cecilia placed a mug of coffee in my palm before closing the balcony door behind her. She sat beside me in the reclining lawn chairs I’d purchased for this little concrete slice of paradise. I knew she felt relieved. Especially after coming in the way I did last night. I practically took the door down trying to get inside. And after she saw the bruises on my face and my ribs, she promptly got me to a doctor this morning.

She wanted me to go to the E.R. last night with her. But I’d refused.

“Have you heard from her yet?”

I shook my head. “No.”

My stepmother nodded. “Don’t worry. She’ll reach out when she’s ready.”

I shrugged. “Not so sure about that.”

“I’m just glad you have a clean bill of health. Because those bruises sure aren’t getting any better.”

“They don’t hurt.”

“I’m sure they do. They just don’t hurt more than your heart right now.”

I snickered. “Ever the wise one.”

She giggled. “I come with my own perks.”

I sipped my coffee. “Is there anything I could’ve done differently?”

She patted my leg. “From what you’ve told me about how the weekend went? No, there isn’t.”

“Somehow, I don’t believe that.”

“I know you don’t. You’re a fixer. That’s what you do. And you're very good at it. But this is something you can’t fix. And you struggle with that.”

“I wish I could fix it, Ma.”

“I know you do. And so do I. Knowing Rae is hurting like that reminds me of the kind of person I was when I first met your father. Lost. Scared. Afraid of being alone and willing to grab on to anything just to feel as if I meant something to someone.”

“She means something to me.”

She shook her head. “Doesn’t work that way. If Rae doesn't feel as if she belongs anywhere or that anyone is happy with her, she’s going to feel alone. Whether or not you feel she should feel that way.”

I groaned. “So fucking complicated.”

“It really isn’t. Not when everything is stripped away. If you take away the emotions and the events of the weekend and boil it all down, what you’re left with is an eighteen-year-old girl who was forced to grow up too soon who doesn’t have any more answers when she’s used to having them.”

I thought on her words. “You’re right, actually.”

“I know I am. Because I was her once.”

“I made her this list, you know.”

Ma turned to face me. “What list?”

I sighed. “The day after the party. I left the hotel and found myself on campus. I used one of the library computers to list out all sorts of avenues Rae had that she probably hadn’t thought about. I gave it to her hoping that, maybe, her knowing her options might help her out a bit.”

She smiled softly. “You’re a good man, Clint.”

“I just want her to not feel like this.”

“Because you love her.”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah. Because I love her.”

“What were some of the suggestions?”

I grinned. “One of them was to travel.”

“Travel?”

“Yeah. You know, work from one of those freelance sights with her art or whatever and use the money to travel around. People do that nowadays as a full-time job all the time. I really think she could do it.”

“And you think that would make her happy?”

“I don’t know. But at least it would give her some time to figure out what might make her happy instead of being so damn miserable all the time.”

I looked over at Ma and found her smiling fondly.

“What?” I asked.

She sipped her coffee. “My rebellion against my parents was traveling after high school. Well, I mean, I was homeschooled. We all were. And then I was expected to settle down. Have kids. Live that very traditional, religious lifestyle. My middle finger to them was traveling on what little I could scrounge up after I turned eighteen.”

“How did that go?”

“Oh, it was fantastic. I had a couple of friends in the area where I lived that wanted to do the same thing. We’d always sneak out and get together and daydream about life beyond our yards. Beyond the fields and the trees and the chickens that woke us up well before sunrise. We even went so far as to reach out and get passports without our parents' knowledge. Then, once we had those in hand, we packed up our things and left.”

“That’s… that’s insane, Ma.”

She giggled. “We pooled our money together and could barely afford one-way tickets to London.”

My eyebrows rose. “The three of you went to London?”

She nodded. “Oh, yeah. I think the ticket lady took pity on us, too. Which is why we could afford them. Either way, we got the tickets, got to London, and started hopping from country to country. Working odd jobs just to afford the train tickets and food. We lived out of hostels and experienced the world and all it had to offer.”

“I’m surprised you guys were safe.”

“Ah, I think we were lucky in that regard. If something felt off to us, we just kept going. There was no pressure to do anything or live up to any standard, so we didn’t hold ourselves to one. Just three girls trolloping through Europe trying to soak up as much as possible. We did that for a little over three months before it got old.”

“Did you have fun, at least?”

She sighed. “It’s one of the fondest memories I have in my life.”

“That’s amazing, Ma.”

“I learned so much about life and food and culture and music. I learned more than I ever would have in a classroom. That much is for certain. I picked up on languages and learned traditions. I became a connoisseur of wine and fashion.”

“Sounds like you.”

She smiled. “All this to say, if Rae wants to travel, she should jump on it now.”

“Well, maybe she will.”

“And you should go with her.”

My eyes narrowed. “What?”

“I’m serious, Clint. There’s no time like now. And as you get older, it gets harder to do things like that. You get trapped into things like leases and mortgages and car payments and kids.”

I snickered. “No offense, right?”

She winked. “Never.”

I shook my head. “I mean, it sounds nice. But I don’t think she’d want me to.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’m holding her back.”

Ma rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. Don’t be so dramatic. That’s her job.”

I chuckled. “What?”

“Clint, the two of you do nothing but build each other up. I mean, look at what you did for her this weekend. Despite how much she chewed into you because she was loaded with all sorts of nonsense at that party, you still managed to help her. And when you broke up with her? Completely pushed her away? What did she do?”

I grinned. “She kept making sure I was okay.”

“And kept up with your homework. And your tests. And encouraging you. It’s what you two do for one another. That’s what couples should do for one another.”

I shrugged. “I don't know, Ma.”

“And look at it this way. Even after you were punched in the gut by some random guy at this same party, you were still prioritizing her in your efforts. If that’s not true love, then true love doesn’t really exist.”

“Maybe. But I still wouldn't be able to come up with that kind of money. Traveling takes a lot nowadays. And I screwed up big time. I don’t have any qualifications. The money I set aside from selling those--”

Ma took my hand and squeezed it tight. She urged me to look at her as she tugged at my arm. I leaned back in my chair, completely forgetting about my lukewarm mug of coffee. And as she stared directly into my eyes, she snickered.

“First of all, you owe me nothing.”

I groaned. “You need help here.”

She shook her head. “Not as much help as you think I do.”

“What do you mean?”

She smiled. “I got a raise over the weekend.”

“What?”

“Yeah. A raise. From my part-time work. I mean, it’s not a lot. But it’s enough to take the phone bill off your shoulders every month. And after doing away with cable and going directly to streaming services, I’m trimming down the budget. With a couple more moves, I’ll be able to completely take the bills off your shoulders.”