Doc Featherstones Return

Chapter One





“Useless pieces of shit,” Ash muttered as he looked down at his own legs.

It was the first words he’d uttered in days and probably the last he would say for days to come. Once a notorious chatterbox, Ash had now become sullen and known to lapse into long spells of silence sometimes lasting for weeks.

“Did you just say something?” Jacyn, one of the medics from the coalition’s infirmary, anxiously asked him.

In response, Ash turned his wheelchair around and gave the Jaguar shifter his back. Ash knew it was a dick move on his part, but if he interacted with Jacyn in any way, then they would just start pushing. Pushing him to go to physical therapy. Pushing him to fight. Pushing him to take part in his recovery.

Ash knew it was all futile. He was never going to get better again. He was never going to walk again. Never going to shift to Hawk form. Never going to fly. So, why should he pretend otherwise? He was nothing. A waste of space. Useless. Other coalitions or casts of Hawks would have had mercy on him and culled him by now.

But not this one. No, they believed it would be immoral to do so. So instead they kept him around and decided to try to make him better. Ash let out a bitter laugh. Like they could do that when he had not one but two bullets lodged so close to his spine that no doc would dare operate.

Jacyn moved around so he was standing in front of the chair. “This silent treatment is getting old, Ash. You need to knock it off or you’re never going to get better.”

Ash answered him by flipping him off.

Jacyn cocked a brow. “Is that the best you have? You need to remember that Carson is my brother-in-law. I get that kind of greeting at the breakfast table every morning. You’re going to have to do better if you want to impress me.”

Okay, fair enough. Ash lifted his other middle finger and gave him a double decker.

Jacyn let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s not what I hoped for, but it’s a start.”

“Okay then, how about a fuck you?” Ash said, his voice raw from being unused.

“At least I got something verbal. So I take it that’s a no to physical therapy then?”

“Why bother? It won’t help, and we both know it.”

“You don’t know unless you give it a shot.”

“Just do us all a favor and have Mitchell cull me,” Ash said between clenched teeth.

“If you’re so eager to have it done, why don’t you ask Daniel to do it? After all, he is the leader of your cast?” Jacyn asked shrewdly.

Ash shoved angrily at his wheelchair. “Fuck it! I already did, and he said no. You know that.”

“Then you know better than to go above him and ask Mitchell to do it. Besides, even if it weren’t against protocol, he wouldn’t. This coalition doesn’t cull its members just because they’re injured or disabled in some way. That’s not how it works here. You, of all people, should know that. Isn’t that one of the reasons why you picked to move to this cast and coalition in the first place?”

Damn it! This is what Ash got for talking. He should have gone with his original plan and just kept his trap shut. But no, he just had to rise to Jacyn’s bait. Now Jacyn had him by the short and curlies, and he knew it. There was no way that Ash could answer that question without losing the argument.

Ash looked down at the ground and pressed his lips together into a tight line. “I’m such a loser. The sad thing is I got into all this by protecting some guy who didn’t even give a damn about me. In fact, he’s so disgusted by me that the first chance he got, he left.”

Jacyn knelt down so he was face-to-face with Ash. “Doc Featherstone didn’t leave because of you. He went home to be with his own family while he healed. He’s not disgusted with you at all.”

Ash snorted. “Please. You don’t need to lie to me to save my poor, hurt feelings. We all know he’s hated me since I got here. He never did give me my F or my L. I was never Flash, just Ash, because I was never good enough for him. Hell, he wouldn’t even let me work in the infirmary because he couldn’t stand the sight of me. I had to be a field medic instead.”

“Don’t take it bad, the doc was hard on everybody. Not just you.”

Ash gave him a sideways glare. “He never treated you or the others that bad, and we both know it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to not talking again. Things are much easier for me that way.”

With that, Ash turned his chair around to face the wall. He expected Jacyn to continue to argue with him, but instead the medic gave up with a sigh and walked away.

Ash knew he’d probably hurt Jacyn’s feelings, and a huge part of him felt bad for that. Jacyn had been nothing but good to him. Not just since he’d been injured, but since he’d come to live at HQ. So Ash realized he should have handled that situation better.

But damn, he was sick of people telling him to fight to get better and he was sick of people sticking up for the doc. If it weren’t for the doc, then Ash would have never been in this damn situation to begin with. But nooooooooo, they continued to act like the doc was a god.

Ash, snorted, like he was one to judge. Despite the way Featherstone had treated him, Ash, the stupid ass that he was, had developed an infatuation with the man. One so great that when he saw the doc was in the line of fire, Ash had dived in front of him and taken most of the bullets.

How does the doc thank him for that? By going and deserting him when Ash needed him the most. Sure, the doc was wounded, but thanks to Ash, he wasn’t injured nearly as badly as Ash. He should have healed up a long time ago. So there could only be one reason why he wasn’t coming back. He didn’t want to have to face Ash and have to treat him.

Ash clenched his hands together in tight fists. Fuck Doc Featherstone. He didn’t need him. He didn’t need to walk again. He didn’t need to shift again. He could just stay in this chair and slowly rot away.

After all, it’s what he deserved for what he’d done to his last cast.



* * * *



Jacyn walked from the infirmary and went straight to Mitchell’s office. Even though they were brothers, he still paid his leader due respect and knocked on the door instead of barging in. Once Mitchell called for him to come in, Jacyn entered.

For once, his brother’s office wasn’t a mess, and he immediately saw why. Mitchell’s mate, Dean, was there, cleaning up. He would do that every so often even though Mitchell would just wreck the place again. It showed how patient and loving Dean could be.

“Hey, Dean,” Jacyn said.

“Hi,” Dean called back, before he sneezed. As a Wolf shifter, his nose was particularly sensitive, and the dust had to be killing him. Yet he kept on going, without uttering a word of complaint.

“Mitchell,” Jacyn nodded respectfully.

“What can I do for you? Or did you just come to gab?” Mitchell asked.

“Actually, it’s a professional visit. I’m here about Ash. I’m worried about him.”

Mitchell ran a hand through his hair. “Let me guess. He’s still refusing to talk, eat, and cooperate with his treatment.”

“Yes, it’s almost like he thinks he deserves what happened to him. Which is ridiculous. He got his wounds saving somebody else’s life. He should be considered a hero.”

Mitchell gave him a knowing stare. “Yes, but you know what happened at his last cast.”

It was something that Mitchell had confided to him, not even Ash knew that Jacyn was privy to the information. They both felt it was better that way.

Jacyn felt a brief flash of irritation. “That was a long time ago, when he was practically a kid. I don’t see how anybody could hold that against him.”

“But they did.”

“They sound like a bunch of assholes to me.”

Dean let out a snort. “Hawks, by nature, usually are. We just happen to get a few good ones in our bunch.”

Mitchell gave a slow nod. “Dean is right. Hawks have the tendency to be arrogant and mean. Why do you think they used to be in an alliance with the Ravens? They thought they could control them. It was only when it was too late and the Ravens turned on them that they realized what a big mistake that was.”

“Do you trust the cast that’s with us now?” Jacyn asked, his heart pounding with fear.

With the way they were talking now, for the first time ever, Jacyn felt doubts about their allies. Allies that were currently living in their HQ and had access to all their secrets and weaknesses.

“I trust Daniel and Colin, that’s enough for me.”

“I also trust a few of the others like Ash, Garrett, and Gage,” Dean added. “And believe it or not, I also trust Tatum and Ackley. I think they would give their lives for this coalition. As for the others, I think they’re just following orders and doing what Colin and Daniel tell them to. They could give two shits about us.”

“The sad part is none of them are coming to visit Ash. Maybe they could help rally around him and give him a reason to fight. Instead, he just sits in that chair all day by himself,” Jacyn bit out angrily.

Dean got a sad look on his face. “Nobody comes to visit him?”

“He has Shane, Ackley, Gregg and Isaac, but other than that, not too many others. And even when they do come, Ash hardly says a word to them, he just stares off into space. It’s like the TV is on, but nothing is on the screen. I just don’t know how to get through to him.”

“You need to bring back Doc Featherstone,” Dean cut in.

Jacyn looked over at him in shock. “Have you sneezed away your brains? Those two hate each other. The last thing Ash needs right now is that kind of confrontation. It could set him back even further.”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t think they hate each other at all. In fact, I’d be willing to bet the opposite is true.”

“What do you mean? Doc was always yelling at Ash,” Jacyn said, more confused than ever.

“Didn’t you tell me that Ash was one of your best medics?” Dean asked.

Wondering where this conversation was heading, Jacyn still decided to play along. “Sure, I did.”

“Yet Featherstone still put him out in the field where he wouldn’t have to see him every day.”

“Yeah, but he said he did that because he couldn’t stand the sight of Ash. Call me crazy, but that doesn’t exactly sound like he has the warm and fuzzies for him,” Jacyn said.

“Unless Doc felt like his attraction was inappropriate, and he was trying to distance himself from Ash as much as possible. The same could be with why he was giving Ash such a hard time. If Ash hated him, then there was never any danger of Ash returning his feelings,” Dean pointed out.

“I don’t know. I think that’s a long stretch there,” Jacyn said.

“Do you have any better idea?” Mitchell asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Well, no, but I don’t think this will work. They hate each other.”

“Has anything else worked?” Mitchell pressed.

“Well, no,” Jacyn admitted.

“Then we have nothing to lose, do we?”

“I guess not. I just hope this doesn’t end up blowing up in our faces,” Jacyn said.

“So, are we going to call the doc and ask him to come back?” Dean asked.

Mitchell shook his head. “I think he’s going to need some persuasion to come back.”

“So what are you going to do?” Dean asked.

Mitchell got a huge grin on his face.

“Oh, no,” Dean exclaimed.

“Oh, no…what?” Jacyn asked, alarmed.

“It’s never good when he gets that look on his face.”

“Why?”

“It can only mean one thing.”

“What?”

“Trouble.”

Mitchell leaned forward on his desk. “I think we’ll send Shane to the doc’s to convince him to see things our way.”

Both Jacyn and Dean said, “Oh, shit!”





Chapter Two





Joshua Featherstone poured himself another glass of whiskey before he took a seat in front of the fire and stared into the flames. As always, the flickering flames reminded him of one thing—Ash.

It was funny that he correlated fire with a Hawk shifter of all things, but somehow over the time that he’d gotten to know Ash, he had. Maybe it was the way that the man was always full of energy. Maybe it was the way he always seemed to brighten the room. Or perhaps it was the spark he had for life. Whatever it was, he was a fireball of energy, and damned if Joshua didn’t want a taste of it.

But Joshua had a good ten years on Ash, not only that, but Ash was a Hawk. While it wasn’t unheard of for felines to mate with Hawks in the coalition, it was within his family. If Joshua were to claim Ash as his, he would have to sever all ties to his kin. Something that he wasn’t sure he was ready to do just yet, no matter how strong of an attraction he had to Ash.

Joshua sighed and took another drink. He didn’t even want to think about the fact that it was his third of the night. Or the fact that it was mixed with the illegal kind that made shifters drunk. All he wanted to do was forget. Forget about what waited for him back home. Forget about a certain Hawk with sexy brown eyes and slightly messy brown hair. Forget about how that Hawk almost died to save his life. Shit…Joshua just wanted to forget, period.

He only felt the slightest shift in the air before the familiar scent of Shane filled the room. Taking another drink of whiskey, Joshua then let out a grunt and asked, “Don’t you ever just knock on the front door and walk in like a normal shifter?”

Shane walked out of the shadows. He had his assassin cloak pulled over his brown hair, but his doe-like eyes were clearly visible along with his baby-like face. All of which were deceiving since Shane was the most dangerous shifter out there. He could kill quicker than most could sneeze, and he rarely felt sorry for it either. As a Leopard shifter, it was part of his genetic makeup, but Shane had taken it one step further and honed it to a fine art. It was a good thing that he and Joshua were good friends, or else Joshua would have been pissing in his pants right then. While he wasn’t a coward by any means, a visit from Shane usually wasn’t a good thing, unless he liked you.

“What brings you here?” Joshua asked.

Shane tilted his head to the side. Something he did whenever he was trying to figure out every day common matters. Shane had been raised to kill, not to interact with others. “Maybe I just came to say hello to an old friend?”

The fact that the comment came out as a question rather than a statement was both amusing and telling. While Shane’s interaction skills were getting better since he’d taken a mate, he still had a long way to go.

“You could have just called for that,” Joshua pointed out.

Shane looked around the house and let out a low whistle. “Wow, Doc. You never told me you came from money.”

“What did you expect, a teepee or something?” Joshua asked, knowing that Shane was deliberately changing the subject.

Shane jerked around and gave him a dirty look. “No, I’m not into stereotyping people. You should know I would be the last one who would do that kind of shit. I just never thought a doctor who came from this kind of money would work at a coalition. Don’t you guys usually go into private practice or work for other richy people?”

“Yes, but much to my parents’ disappointment, I wanted to make a real difference in the war against the Ravens, so I joined up with the coalition as soon as I graduated. This is their house, by the way.”

Shane ran one gloved hand over the mantel of the fireplace. “So, why did you come back here to heal?”

Because I couldn’t stand the guilt of watching him suffer in pain. Knowing that it was all because of me. Since Joshua couldn’t say that part aloud, he only went with half the truth. “Because it was too hard to be there after the massacre. I lost a lot of good people that day.”

“There are a lot who are still injured, too.”

Joshua desperately wanted to ask about Ash, but knew that would be too telling. Shane was nothing if not shrewd, and he would pick up on that instantly. “Yes, I know there are.”

“How are you doing?”

“Better. Or rather, I should say as good as I’m going to get. My hand grip strength is never going to be the same as it was, and I’m going to walk with a limp for the rest of my life. I’ll still be able to be a doctor, but my operating days are over.”

That stung badly, too. Joshua had loved surgery most of all. But he would learn to live without it. At least he hadn’t died that day, like so many of his staff members had.

“Have they been able to find replacements for the staff we lost?”

“Yeah. You remember Kallen?”

“The half-breed Hyena that’s related to Gage? What about him?” Joshua frowned.

“Turned out he has some mad medic skills. He’s working in the infirmary now.”

“Tell me you’re shitting me.”

They did not have a Hyena loose in his infirmary. There was just no way it could be possible.

Shane rolled his eyes. “He’s under heavy security, and he’s being a good boy. It’s supposed to help reform him and help him become a good doggy. So far, he’s been doing a great job. He gave me some stitches the other day and did fantastic. He even apologized when he gave me a shot.”

“Probably because he’s terrified of you,” Joshua muttered.

“So, Doc, how long are you going to wait until you ask me how Ash is doing?”

Joshua winced. He hadn’t realized he’d been that transparent, but then again he was dealing with Shane, and that little bastard never missed a damn thing.

“How is he?”

“Do you want the bad news or the terrible news?”

Joshua felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach. “Is it that awful?”

“He can’t walk or shift. Well, he possibly could if he were to work at it, but he refuses to leave his bed or wheelchair. It’s like he’s checked out or something.”

“That doesn’t sound like Ash at all.”

Shane sat down on the arm of the couch. “Yeah, well, he’s changed a lot since the attack. He sometimes goes for days at a time without talking. He’s refusing to eat. He’s asked both Mitchell and Daniel to cull him.”

“Are you shitting me?” Joshua cried, alarmed and terrified.

“Don’t worry, they both turned him down. As did I, when he asked me to kill him.”

Joshua brought a shaking hand up to his mouth. “He wants to die?”

“He thinks he has no reason to live anymore.” Shane shrugged.

“But, if he walks again…”

“For some reason, he doesn’t believe that. He thinks he’s going to be in that chair forever,” Shane interrupted.

“Well, you guys have to find a way to prove to him otherwise. Give him a reason to hope.”

Joshua grabbed the glass to take another drink, but Shane took it from him and tossed it across the room. Getting right into Joshua’s face, Shane said, “Why do you think I’m here?”

Now Joshua was confused and drinkless. “What in the hell are you talking about?”

“For some reason, Dean seems to think that you’re the only one who can get through to Ash.”

Joshua pointed to himself. “Me? In case you didn’t get the memo, he hates me.”

“Which is why he threw himself in front of you and took six bullets for you? Boy, for somebody who’s so smart, you can be fucking stupid sometimes. Ash worships the ground you walk on. You’re just too dense to see it. Or maybe you just don’t want to see it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Joshua demanded.

“That maybe you don’t hate Ash as much as you claim you do, and the reason you’ve been hiding out here is out of guilt. Because you know that you can’t or won’t give him back what he needs.”

“Exactly what are you trying to say?” Joshua began to feel a bit frustrated and angry. Both of which were not new emotions as far as Ash were concerned.

Shane gestured to all the family portraits hanging on the wall. “I would bet my best gun that all of these are felines. I’d go even further and say that they’re all Bobcats like you. Am I right?”

“Yes,” Joshua admitted, his stomach sinking.

“So, if you were to become mated to a male Hawk, they wouldn’t be too happy, would they?”

Damn it, but Shane had caught on sooner than Joshua had expected. “No, they’d disown me.”

“So, instead of owning up to your feelings, you did everything in your power to push the kid away.”

“It’s more than that, Shane. He’s ten years younger than me. Even you have to admit that’s a huge age gap.”

Shane cocked his head to the side. “It sounds to me like you’re just looking for more excuses.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Neither is abandoning him when he needs you the most. Now, are you going to get into the car or do I physically have to drag you there? Because either way, you’re going back to him.”

Joshua sighed. He would go back. He knew he had to the moment Shane told him how bad Ash was doing. In fact, the Bobcat in him was screaming to go rescue Ash. To go soothe the poor Hawk. To somehow make him better.

All of the sudden, Joshua wanted to kick himself for staying away for so long. Granted, he hadn’t known how bad Ash had been doing, but he could have at least called to find out. Instead, he’d played the coward’s role and stayed away.

“Just let me pack my bag.”



They drove through the night and arrived at HQ just as the sun was beginning to rise. As soon as they parked and entered, the first place Joshua headed was the infirmary. He wanted to see for himself the condition that Ash was in. As he walked in and got his first view of the Hawk, Joshua swayed and had to grab the wall for support.

Ash was so thin that he looked emaciated. His skin was so pale that it resembled rice paper that would shred if touched. His eyes were overly large, ringed in black, and his lips were chapped from dehydration.

He sat in a wheelchair, facing a window, but he didn’t appear to be really looking at anything. His gaze was vacant and almost dead. His once lustrous brown hair, now hung in his face without any care to it.

Various IVs ran into his thin hands, and he had a blanket draped over his legs. Legs that no longer worked. To think of the once boisterous, bouncy medic reduced to this nearly brought Joshua to tears.

Jacyn saw Joshua and came up. “At least he’s keeping the IVs in today. Usually, he rips them out. So maybe we can get some fluids in him.”

“How much weight has he lost?”

“Thirty pounds.”

Joshua muttered a curse. Ash had been thin to begin with, so he didn’t have ten to spare, let alone thirty. At this point he would starve himself to death before anybody would have a chance to cull him or not.

“Our next step is going to be to force a feeding tube on him,” Jacyn said.

“He’ll hate you for that,” Joshua stated with firmly.

Jacyn shrugged. “He already hates me for not letting him die. So I have nothing to lose at this point.”

Jacyn turned to Joshua, a look of surprise on his face that was obviously fake. “Hey, when did you get back here? Nobody told us you were coming.”

“Shane came to fetch me because of Ash, but you already knew that, didn’t you?”

Jacyn shrugged away the question. “Good luck. Maybe you can get through to him. We sure as hell can’t.”

“I don’t know if I can be of much more help, but I’m willing to try. We can’t just let him waste away like this,” Joshua said firmly.

He walked over to where Ash was sitting and knelt down by the chair. “Hey, Ash. How are things going?”

Ash’s gaze flickered his way ever-so-briefly before going back to the window. Not exactly a stellar start, but Joshua would take it. It was better than no reaction at all.

“Why aren’t you eating? You know what’s going to happen if this keeps up? We’re going to have to strap you to the bed and force a feeding tube down your throat. You don’t want that, do you?” Joshua pressed, hoping to get through.

“Fuck you,” Ash finally bit out.

Well, that was two words. Not the ones Joshua would have chosen, but it was a something.

“Then stop with the pity party and eat something.”

“Why should I? Just because you decide to show up and tell me to? Well, I don’t have to listen to a damn thing you say. You came and saw that I didn’t die saving your life, so you don’t have to feel guilty anymore, so you can go back home and keep on ignoring me again. I don’t need you. I have another doctor who is taking care of me.”

The venom in Ash’s voice was so strong that it was nearly a physical blow to Joshua. Especially when the words were accompanied with a glare of pure hatred. It was so raw that had Ash had a weapon in his hands at that moment, Joshua would have been looking for cover.

“Ash, you know I was hurt, too. I didn’t leave because I wanted to. I had to go heal myself. With the staff already overwhelmed here, I thought it was better if I went home and was treated there. I’m here now, that’s all that matters. What you need to focus on is getting out of that chair and getting better.”

Ash gave a bitter laugh. “They keep saying that. I even believed them at first. But I know it’s a lie. No matter how hard I tried, I never felt a damn thing in my legs. Face it, Doc, I’m broken, and there is no fixing me. Now, why don’t you do us all a favor and just OD me on some drugs and put us all out of my misery. Then you can all move on with your lives and forget about me.”

“I am not letting you die!” Joshua yelled.

When everybody in the infirmary stopped to look at them, Joshua realized how loudly he’d said that. He didn’t care, though, he’d do all the yelling and screaming in the world if that’s what it took to get through to Ash. He wasn’t going to lose the Hawk.

“Since when did you care what happened to me?” Ash scoffed. “You hate me, remember?”

Since the moment I first saw you.

“I owe you, after all, you did save my life. Besides, I always care for my staff. You included,” Joshua said, not daring to tell the truth.

You are such a coward. Shane was right to call you out on it.

Ash made a big show of rolling his eyes. “Yeah, you cared so much for me. Everybody knows how much you hate me. You’re probably disappointed that I didn’t get killed.”

Joshua was appalled with himself that he’d left that impression on Ash. That had never been his intent. “I never would have wanted that.”

“Why don’t you just go away and leave me alone?” Ash said.

He started to turn back to the window, but Joshua grabbed him by the chin and forced him to lock gazes. Ash’s nostrils flared with anger and that hatred was back in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything.

“Get this in your head, kid, I’m not going anywhere. Your days of sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself are over. I’m back now, and you will be up and walking again. Even if I have to chase and bite your ass every step of the way,” Joshua said in a perfectly calm voice.

“You wanna bet?” Ash challenged.

“I never take a bet when I already know the outcome is going to be in my favor,” Joshua shot back.

“You’re wrong. I’m useless and I’m going to stay that way.”

“No, Ash, you’re the one who’s wrong. You will walk again. Because until you do, I’m going to become your one-on-one doctor.”





Chapter Three





Ash stared up at Doc Featherstone. How somebody could still look so fantastic while losing their marbles was a mystery to him. While he still wanted to hate the doc, and Ash was still plenty angry at him, he had to admit he was as hot as ever.

With his long ebony hair, golden skin, and deep brown eyes, he was the image that had been haunting Ash’s dreams ever since he’d come to the coalition. The fact that he also had an amazing body, high cheekbones, and full lips didn’t hurt either. In short, he was everything that Ash liked in his men and then some.

The doc let go of his face and walked away, finally leaving Ash alone with his thoughts and boy did Ash have a lot of those to go through. After having so many days of nothing but the mundane, all of the sudden, his life had been tipped over on its head and Ash didn’t know his asshole from his armpit anymore.

If only the doc wasn’t such a damn asshole. Then things would be perfect. But nooooo…Ash had to go and fall for a jerk. Something he seemed to excel in. He couldn’t be attracted to a nice guy for once. That would make his life too easy.

It was thanks to his first boyfriend that he’d almost got his childhood coalition destroyed, and he was exiled. Now, thanks to his infatuation with the doc, Ash had taken six bullets and found himself unable to walk or shift. And what did he get in return for both of those? A big fat nothing. Now he was disowned and half the man he used to be. He should have gone into the priesthood, except he wasn’t Catholic, so that wouldn’t have worked out, either.

Ash glanced over at the doc, who was going over his chart. As usual, he was wearing a big frown on his face. Nothing new there. The doc rarely smiled. Or at least he didn’t when Ash was around. He probably even frowned in his sleep.

Out of boredom, Ash began to pick at his IVs. He hated the damn things. Not only did the tape irritate him, but he hated being tethered down to the machines. If he wanted to take a piss, it was hard enough already without having to drag the machine with him, too.

“Knock it off, Ash. You take out one more IV, I’ll put in a central line, and trust me when I say you won’t like it,” Doc said, never looking up from the chart.

Ash paused, wondering how the doc had seen that. Did he have an extra set of eyes hidden in all that hair of his or something? Letting out a muttered curse, Ash left the tape alone.

“It itches,” he bitched.

The doc came over and looked at it. “Hmmm…you may be allergic to this tape. Let me try another type and see if that bothers you less.”

The doc grabbed some supplies from a nearby cart and re-taped the IV sites himself. When he was done, Ash was surprised to find that they were a lot more comfortable.

“Does that feel better?” Featherstone asked.

“Yes, thank you,” Ash nodded.

“Does that mean you’ll eat something for me?”

“No.” Ash wasn’t that grateful.

“It’s either that or the feeding tube, Ash, take your pick.”

Ash let out an irritated sigh. “Since when did you ever give a damn what happened to me?”

The doc hesitated for a long time as if weighing what he was going to say. He finally said, “Since you saved my life.”

Featherstone muttered something to Kallen. A few moments later, Kallen came back with a tray of food. It wasn’t much, just some broth and red Jello, but the sight of it still turned Ash’s stomach.

The doc set it on a table and put it in front of Ash. Being the bitch that he was, Ash went to do what he did with every other tray that had been put in front of him. He brought back his arm and went to sweep it out of the way.

Featherstone, still a bastard, must have seen it coming because he moved the tray out of the way just in time. He then put it back down. Reaching out, he grabbed Ash by the chin and forced him to lock gazes again. A trend that seemed to be new lately.

“You will eat this, even if I have to jam the spoon down your throat myself. Is that clear?”

“Fuck you,” Ash bit out angrily. Something that had become a new trend with him.

Featherstone leaned down until his lips were just inches from Ash’s ear. “Not now, but you put on a few pounds and at least try to learn to walk again and I just may do that.”

Ash was so shocked by the doc’s words that his mouth parted. Featherstone used that to his advantage in shoving a spoonful of broth in. At first, Ash considered spitting it back out, just to spite him, but his hungry stomach took over and forced him to swallow. Then it growled in demand for more.

Since he knew it was futile to argue with the doc, Ash let him feed him the rest of the broth. He even let him feed most of the Jello before Ash put up a hand. “I’m full. I swear it. I really can’t eat another bite.”

Featherstone put down the spoon. “That’s understandable. Your stomach is going to be weak for a while. We’ll have to slowly build it back up. Don’t worry, you’ll be back to eating burgers, pizza, and all that other disgusting food soon enough.”

Doc handed the tray off to Kallen with a thanks. Ash smiled. “I thought you were going to freak out when you found out he was working here.”

“I’ll admit I was a bit surprised.”

“He’s nice, and he does a great job. He’s one of the few around here that puts up with my shit. He never complains about it. He just does his job and doesn’t say a word.”

“Then perhaps you owe him an apology.”

“Maybe I do.”

They lapsed into a brief silence before Ash admitted, “I missed you. Even though you always yelled at me.”

“I missed you, too.”

“Did you really, or are you just saying that to make me feel better?” Ash knew he was coming off as pathetic, but what the hell? It wasn’t like he could sink any lower at this point. He’d pretty much hit rock bottom, and there wasn’t any lower that he could go.

Doc ran his fingers through Ash’s hair in a surprisingly gentle gesture. “I thought of you every day that I was gone.”

“I’m sure you did. You were probably wondering why I was crazy enough to take those bullets for you.”

“No, it wasn’t just that. Believe it or not, I missed my little fireball of energy, and now I come home to find out that he’s burned out on me.”

Ash felt a lump build up in his throat. “What do you want from me? My Hawk might be gone forever. What reason do I have to live now?”

“A lot of people care about you, Ash. We’d miss you if you left us.”

“I’m so scared that I’ll be stuck like this forever,” Ash admitted for the first time ever.

“I’ll be honest. I can’t promise you any miracles, but I do know one thing. If you don’t start fighting, you will be in this chair for the rest of your life. You need to start trying. You can’t continue to sit there and just mope. Most of all, you need to stop this talk about dying. Promise me that.”

Had anybody else said that to him, Ash would have thrown the words back in their faces. But since they came from the doc, the one person who Ash respected most of all, he nodded. “Okay, I promise.”

“And I promise not to leave again. I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

Ash pulled at the hospital gown. “So, when can I get some real clothes? I’m sick of wearing this shit.”

Featherstone sighed. “You always did have a way with words. If you swear to start drinking and we get you hydrated again, I’ll have Isaac grab something from your living quarters for you to wear. Would that make you happy?”

Feeling as if he’d won a great victory, Ash nodded, “It would make my day.”

“You’ll have to agree to go to physical therapy, though.”

Ash groaned. “I hate it there. I always feel like a piece of meat that’s being thrown around. Plus, it hurts.”

“You want your clothes, don’t you?”

“Fine,” Ash sighed. “But you do realize that you made me promise two things for the clothes.”

“Hey, I have to work hard to get you to cooperate. I’ll have somebody call Isaac right now.”

“Fine, I’ll do it. Does that make you happy?”

“Immensely.”

By the time Isaac came with his clothes, Ash was practically bouncing with excitement. Finally, he was going to get out of the gross-looking gowns. He didn’t even mind that Kallen had to help him get dressed, because Ash couldn’t even do that basic function by himself anymore. All that mattered that was Ash was finally getting a piece of his old self back, even if was just his clothes.

The clothes swam on him, showing how much weight he’d lost. Damn, Ash knew he’d shed a few, but he hadn’t realized it had been that much. No wonder the doc had looked so shocked when he’d first seen him. He must look like a skeleton.

When Kallen pulled back the curtain, Isaac was still sitting there, a hopeful look on his face. It was only then that Ash realized how much of an asshole he’d been to his friends. While he and Isaac had only known each other for a little while, they’d become close in that time and, since he’d been injured, Ash had been pushing him away. Talk about being a jerk, Ash had won the award on that one.

“Thanks for the clothes,” Ash said.

“I was glad to help. I hope what I brought was okay,” Isaac replied.

“It’s great. How are things going with you and Ackley?” Ash gestured to a nearby chair.

Isaac looked surprised, but took the seat. “Great. He still goes out on jobs, which scares the hell out of me, but then I go out on missions, so I have no room to talk.”

“I’ve noticed that there haven’t been that many wounded coming in. Have things quieted down?”

Isaac frowned. “For now, but I think it’s just for now. Kind of like the eye of a hurricane. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, it does.”

Ash had been thinking along the same lines himself. With all the enemies they had out there, it was only a matter of time before somebody stirred the pot up again. Things never stayed quiet in their world for long.

“So, it looks like the doc is back,” Isaac said. “I wonder why?”

“He said he came back because of me.”

Isaac cocked a brow. “Really?”

“I guess they think that he’s the only one that can get me out of my funk and make me want to get better.”

“Well, you are up and talking again, so maybe they’re right,” Isaac pointed out.

“But what if I can’t get better?”

“Then you learn to adjust. If there’s anybody that can do that, it’s you, Ash. I know you, you can do anything.”

“Except piss standing up.”

Isaac gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “That’s way overrated anyway.”

They both shared a laugh before they sobered.

“I’m really sorry for being such an ass these past few months to you,” Ash said.

“It’s okay. I know you were going through some tough times,” Isaac replied with a tiny smile. “I probably would have reacted the same way.”

“Still, you didn’t deserve that. I was a real jerk.”

“Yes, you were, but we’re buddies, and we can move past it. It’s over and forgotten.”

Ash couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have such a good friend like Isaac. “Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

“I’m just glad to see you up and talking. That’s all that matters to me. Well, I would like to see you gain back some of your weight. You’re so thin, you could be a runway model right now.”

“Except I would have a little trouble walking down the runway at the moment,” Ash pointed out.

“Just for now. Remember, you’re a shifter, not a human, so you have much faster healing abilities. You can beat this.”

“Yeah, tell that to Scarlett.” Ash nodded over to the former assassin.

Scarlett sat in her bed, just staring off in space. One half of her once beautiful face was covered in burn scars and only patches of her blonde hair remained. On the rest of her body were various other scars left behind by shrapnel or stab wounds, courtesy of her own twin sister.

“Has she spoken yet?” Isaac asked.

“Not a word. At least they’ve been able to do some surgeries to help with the burns. They used cadaver skin from her sister. At least the bitch was good for something,” Ash said bitterly.

If it hadn’t been for Blue and her Ravens, then none of them would have been in this mess. First, she had attacked them outside of the compound, and, when that hadn’t killed Scarlett, Blue had attacked HQ directly. That was when Doc and Ash, along with many others, had been wounded or killed. The only good thing that had come out of it was that Blue had died during the attack as well.

Featherstone came over. “Sorry to interrupt, but Ash has to go to physical therapy now.”

Ash let out a grunt of aggravation, but nodded in agreement. Isaac gave him a smile, then patted him on the shoulder before getting up and leaving.

“Do I need to go down there to make sure you cooperate?” Doc asked.

“No, I’ll be good.”

The last thing Ash wanted was for Featherstone to see him being manhandled and flopped around. So it was decided that Kallen would take him down instead. Ash could take Kallen seeing it since Kallen had already seen him at his worst and then some.

By the time Ash came back a couple of hours later, he was exhausted. He’d never realized that doing those exercises could be so grueling. When Kallen lifted him up and put him into bed, all Ash wanted to do was fall asleep and take a long nap. But damned if there wasn’t another tray there waiting for him.

Featherstone was immediately on him. “Are you going to feed yourself or do I have to do it again?”

“No, I can do it myself.”

Ash hadn’t missed the way the doc’s hand had trembled ever so slightly the last time he held the spoon. It made him wonder what kind of lasting injuries the doctor might have from the shooting.

Ash picked up the utensil and began to eat. It wasn’t the best meal he’d had, but it still tasted good after starving himself for so long. After he ate his fill, he pushed the tray to the side and laid down.

“Is that all you’re going to eat?” Featherstone nagged.

“I promise I can’t eat another bite,” Ash said, his eyelids already drooping closed.

He was relieved when the doc didn’t push the issue, instead turning to talk to Jacyn. Ash fell into a comfortable sleep, the sound of Featherstone’s voice soothing him.





Chapter Four





Once he was sure that Ash was resting and comfortable, Joshua went to Mitchell’s office for an update. He knocked once he reached the door.

Dean answered, a bright smile on his face. “We’re so glad that you’re back,” he said.

“Well, when you send somebody like Shane to come fetch me, I really don’t have a choice, do I?” Joshua retorted.

“Shane would never hurt you.”

“I know, but he can be very persuasive when he wants to be, even to those he calls friend.”

Dean laughed. “You do have a point. Come in, we have a lot of catching up to do.”

Joshua walked in and immediately sensed that Mitchell was upset. The leader was hunched over his desk, and his hair was messed up from running his hands through it. Joshua looked back over at Dean and noticed that while he had been smiling, he, too, showed signs of strain. There were tense lines around his eyes and a worried appearance in his gaze.

“What’s going on?” Joshua asked.

“My brother Chris is at war with another pack that wants their land,” Dean explained.

“How long has this been happening?” Joshua inquired.

“It just started. We’re worried, not only because it’s our siblings who are involved, but because of Cassie’s pregnancy. Who knows what that kind of stress can do to her. This is the last thing she needs right now,” Mitchell said, running his hands through his hair.

“Are you going to send backup to help him?” Joshua asked.

“That’s just it, I can’t. Chris has to win this war on his own or else it will make him look weak as an Alpha to all the other Wolf packs,” Mitchell bit out.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Joshua exclaimed.

“It’s a Wolf thing,” Dean said, as if that explained everything.

“Can’t you do anything?” Joshua said.

“Not that we’ve been able to think of,” Mitchell said, with an irritated sigh.

They were silent for a moment before Dean snapped his fingers. “I have an idea that may just help some.”

“What?” Mitchell asked.

“Why don’t you ask Shane if he knows of any assassins who would be willing to work for my brother’s pack? If they were to swear loyalty to him, then they would be technically members of his pack, so Chris would be able to use them and still save face. They may just be enough muscle to help him win the war. Or, at the very least, they could assign them to protect Cassie.”

Mitchell got up from the chair, grabbed Dean into a hug and spun him around a few times. “You are the most brilliant mate in the world. Call Shane and have him come right here.”

While Dean was making the call, Joshua turned his attention back to Mitchell. “How have you been feeling?”

Mitchell shrugged. “My leg still bothers me from time to time, but otherwise I’m fine.”

“Does Dean still have panic attacks when you go out on missions?” Joshua asked.

Joshua was the only one outside of Mitchell’s family who was privy to such information. It was a closely guarded secret since Mitchell was the leader of the coalition and they didn’t want to make him or his mate look weak.

“Yes, but we’re learning to deal with it. The pills you gave him help some. I have to admit that when Jacyn was shot, it didn’t help matters any. Even though Jacyn wasn’t hurt that badly. It just brought up a whole bunch of bad memories for Dean.” Mitchell let out a deep breath. “Damn that bitch and her Ravens. They’re still managing to fuck with us even after they’re dead. If I could, I would kill her all over again.”

Thinking back to Ash and how thin and hopeless he looked, Joshua couldn’t help but agree with his leader. The aftereffects of the battle were still hanging over all of them in some way or another. It was going to take a long time for them to heal mentally and physically.

“I see you have Kallen working in the infirmary now,” Joshua said.

“Yes, I hope you don’t mind, but he wanted to prove his worth by contributing somehow, and I thought that this would be the best use of his skills. With you being gone and a portion of the staff dead or still too injured to work, we needed the help.”

“I’ll admit at first I was a bit leery, but he seems to know his stuff. Plus, Ash appears to like him.”

“That means a lot to you…that Ash likes him, doesn’t it?”

Now it was Joshua who ran a hand through his hair. “It shouldn’t, but yes, it does.”

“You’re attracted to him, aren’t you?”

“It doesn’t matter if I am or not. It can never be.”

Mitchell crossed his arms over his chest. “Why not?”

“For one thing, he’s my patient. It would be unethical.”

“He wasn’t your patient before you left, and you were attracted to him then. Don’t even deny it. So what other reasons are there?”

“He’s ten years younger than me?”

“So what? Shifters live a lot longer than humans, so an age gap like that really is nothing but an excuse.”

Joshua could feel his frustration building as Mitchell batted away each of his excuses. Leave it to Mitchell to see through all the excuses and get to the root of the real problem. There was a reason he was the leader of the coalition. He was the brightest of them all.

“My family would never allow it. I’m only supposed to mate with another Bobcat, and it’s supposed to be a female.”

“Wow, that sounds familiar,” Dean said as he set the phone down.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Joshua bit out angrily.

“It’s the same thing that kept Mitchell and I apart for years. Had we just stood up and admitted how much we cared for each other from the beginning, we wouldn’t have wasted so much time that we could have been happy together.”

“It’s different,” Joshua defended.

Dean cocked his head to the side in a confused manner. “Really? I don’t see how it is.”

“Is that why you called me back? To make me and Ash mate so he’ll get better? Because if so, that’s never going to happen.”

Dean shook his head. “I’d forgotten what a bastard you can be at times.”

“I may be a bastard, but I’m also realistic. Just because you and Mitchell were lucky enough to find your happily ever after doesn’t mean that I will find mine with Ash. Life doesn’t work that way.”

“You always were jaded,” Mitchell said with a shake of his head.

“No, like I said before, I’m just realistic. I’m not going to deny that I have feelings for Ash, but that’s as far as it’s going to go.”

Dean gaped at him. “You realize that kid thinks the world of you. God knows why after the way you’ve treated him, but he thinks the moon and the stars hang off you.”

“I know that,” Joshua sighed.

Dean moved in a step closer, his eyes narrowed with anger. “Do you really?”

“Of course I do. The kid jumped into the line of fire to save my life.”

“Then why in the hell do you keep shoving him away?”

“Because I have family obligations. I already let them down once, so I can’t do it again.”

Why in the hell couldn’t Dean see it? He of all people should understand where Joshua was coming from. He came from a Wolf pack and they were all about obligations and expectations.

“So what? You’re going to come back here, give him some false hope only to break his heart?” Dean demanded.

“I’m not going to promise Ash anything that I can’t give him,” Joshua said.

“You better make sure you don’t, because if I find out that you’re leading him on…”

“Enough!” Mitchell slammed his hands on the table. “We have enough to worry about without arguing with each other. Did you call Shane?”

“Yes, he should be here any second.”

No sooner had those words been spoken when there was a knock on the door. Dean answered it, and Shane walked in. As the norm, he had his assassin cloak on, but this time the hood was down.

“This better be important, I was about to go home,” Shane grumbled as he entered.

Shane’s social skills ranked lower than even Joshua’s. Shane leaned against the wall and gave them all a bored look as he waited for Mitchell to speak. He even let out a yawn, then a sigh of impatience.

“We were wondering if you have any contact with any other assassin teams?” Mitchell asked.

“Sure, why? Do you want some extra muscle here?”

“Dear God, no. The last thing I want is more of you here. Chris is at war with another pack, and we were wondering if he would accept an assassin team to help him.”

“Or at the very least to protect Cassie since she’s pregnant,” Dean added.

Shane thought it over for a second. “I know of one team that may do the trick, but they’re pretty brutal. They’ll be pretty costly, though. Does Chris have the money for them?”

“Yes. If we have to, we can kick in the money for them. There are ways we can get them money that can’t be traced back to us, so Chris can still save face,” Mitchell said. “The only thing is the assassins would have to become part of the pack. Would that be a problem?”

Shane gave a wicked smile. “For enough money, this group would do just about anything. They would even kill an ambassador and have lunch on his body.”

Dean shivered. “You know some scary people, Shane.”

“Don’t worry. I’m still the scariest of them all.”

“Gee, thanks. That makes me feel so much better. Especially since we share living quarters,” Dean drawled.

“I’d never hurt you. Ava likes you too much.”

“I’m so glad he’s on our side,” Dean told Mitchell.

“You and me both,” Mitchell replied.

Joshua gave a nod of agreement. He’d seen firsthand some of the damage Shane was capable of inflicting and it wasn’t pretty. To say that Shane was a killing machine would be a vast understatement.

“Okay, go contact this team and see if they will agree to work with Chris,” Mitchell ordered.

Shane gave a slight dip of his head and left the room. After he was gone, Joshua stood. “If you are finished with me, I’m needed back in the infirmary.”

“In a moment, I wanted to ask you a couple of questions first,” Mitchell said.

Joshua sat back down with a sigh. “Sure, ask away.”

“Do you think that Ash has any chance of ever walking again? I really want you to be honest with me.”

Joshua thought it over carefully before answering. “If he’s willing to put in the work, then yes, the possibly is strong that he will be able to walk again. If he were a human, there would be no chance, but since he’s a shifter, his regeneration abilities are much stronger.”

“How about shifting?”

Joshua sucked in a breath. “That one is a lot trickier. The shift could do a few things. It could leave the bullets in place. Or it could shove them farther out, which would be a good thing, since they could operate and finally get them out. The worst possible case is they could drive them farther into his spine and make his condition even worse.”

“So, in other words, you don’t know.”

“I’m a doctor, not God, what do you expect from me, Mitchell?”

“I don’t know. I was hoping that you could give me some definitive answers.” Mitchell let out a sigh.

“I hate to break it to you, but a lot of times in medicine there are no definitive answers. We just have to wing it.”

“That sucks,” Dean interjected.

“Yes, it does,” Joshua agreed.

“So, what do you suggest we do?” Mitchell asked.

“Take it one day at a time and hope for the best. Most of all, the infirmary staff needs to stop coddling him so much. He’s being a brat, and they’re letting him get away with it. That needs to end.”

Dean gave him a dirty look. “Not everybody has a crappy bedside manner like you do. Some people actually have compassion.”

“Well, their compassion is slowly killing Ash. Is that what you want?” Joshua countered.

It was, too. By letting Ash have his way, he was slowly wasting away to nothing. What he needed at this point was some tough love, not a tender touch. At the rate he was going, he wasn’t going to last another month.

“You know that I would never want that. I’m the one that pushed for you to come back and take care of him,” Dean defended.

“Then let me do my job, my way. Stay out of my way and let me handle things from now on, and Ash will get better. I can’t guarantee that he’ll be the same as he was before, but he’ll be a whole hell of a lot better than he is now.”

“Fine,” Mitchell waved a hand. “We’ll stay out of your way. Just do something to help that poor kid out.”

“Can I leave now? I need to go check up on him,” Joshua said.

Mitchell nodded and Joshua made his way back to the infirmary. As he walked to Ash’s bed, he passed Scarlett. Joshua’s heart went out to the Ocelot shifter. She’d been through so much, and it appeared as if she’d just checked out. A shudder went through Joshua as he thought of how much rage she must be holding in. If she ever snapped out of it, she would be ten times worse than Shane. Joshua could practically see the hate pouring off her.

She was sitting in the bed, rocking back and forth, playing with one of the few strands of hair that remained. While she wasn’t talking, she was humming a song. Joshua couldn’t be for sure, but it sounded like a children’s nursery rhyme. She had her head turned so the scarred part of her face was in the shadows.

Giving her one last look, Joshua moved on to Ash. He found the Hawk still sleeping. Pulling a chair next to the bed, Joshua took the opportunity to study Ash. Not as a doctor would study a patient, but as a man would look at another man.

Ash was nothing short of beautiful. Even while underweight and pale, he had an attraction that was both alluring and erotic at the same time. His pale skin made his dark lashes stand out all the more as they nearly fanned his cheekbones. His lips, while still slightly chapped, begged to be kissed.

Joshua found himself, not for the first time, feeling a protectiveness toward the Hawk. Something that he’d never felt toward another before. He just wanted to take Ash and hide him from all the harshness the world had to offer. To shield him from all the danger. To make sure he never knew pain again.

As if on its own accord, Joshua’s hand reached out and stroked Ash’s hair. While it was clean, it no longer was in the style that he once favored. Joshua missed that. Just like he missed his old Ash.

Joshua vowed to himself that he would find a way to bring back the old Ash, while at the same time protecting his heart. There had to be a way to do it. Joshua just had to figure out what it might be.





Chapter Five





A couple of weeks later, Ash wheeled himself back from physical therapy to find chaos breaking loose in the infirmary. It appeared that a mission had gone badly because there were a ton of wounded being brought in.

Even from his standpoint, he could see that the infirmary staff were overwhelmed as cot after cot of bloodied and dying soldiers were coming in. The floors were covered in crimson and used medical equipment. The air reeked of blood and burned flesh, and the sounds of screams were loud.

For a second, Ash froze as he was taken back to the time when the infirmary was attacked, and he was wounded. Then he saw yet another soldier being brought in, and he snapped out of it. Wheeling over to the cot, he said, “Lower it a bit, so I can reach the patient.”

Once they did as he asked, Ash grabbed a nearby crash cart and dragged it toward him. He assessed the patient, wincing at the numerous gunshot wounds that marred the shifter’s body. Damn, how could somebody take so many bullets and still be alive?

Ash opened the drawers and got out gauze pads, plus specialized strips that would stop some of the bleeding until they were able to get the soldier into surgery. He also grabbed the supplies to start an IV and set them on the cot.

After that, he got so caught up in his work, he shut everything else out. Once that patient was stabilized, they brought another one for him to work on and then another one. Ash could feel himself getting weak and shaky, but he didn’t dare stop, not when there were so many who needed his help.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, they were able to treat the less wounded. Those who required only basic stitches and such. Since Ash could do those in his sleep, the work was a lot less taxing on him. He was just finishing up his third patient when Featherstone came over, and, judging from the expression on his face, he wasn’t too happy.

“Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing?” the doc demanded.

Ash gave him a sideways glance. “I know you were away for a while, but surely you remember what it looks like to give somebody stitches.”

“You should be in bed, not up treating patients.”

“You guys needed the help, and I was here. It made sense that I help. Besides, aren’t you the one who is always saying that I shouldn’t be coddled too much?”

God, how Ash loved being able to throw the doc’s own words back into his face. If he could have, he would have gotten up and done a happy dance. He would have even added in a butt wiggle at the end for good measure.

“I didn’t mean that you should start treating patients,” Doc said, his face red with anger.

Ah, it was just like old times. All that was missing was the doc telling him what a sucky medic Ash was. Then things would be perfect.

“You needed the help, and I was here. So stop complaining and say thank you already,” Ash snapped.

Featherstone ran a hand through his hair and let out an aggravated grunt. Another thing he used to do back in the day. “Just go get cleaned up and back into bed. You must be exhausted.”

Actually, Ash was beyond exhausted, but he’d die before he’d admit it. “Actually, I feel just ducky. But if you insist, I’ll get changed and take a nap to make you happy.”

Ash grabbed a fresh set of clothes, since his old ones had blood on them, and changed. At least he didn’t need help with that task anymore. He then washed up as best he could and lifted himself into bed.

He was practically asleep before his head hit the pillow. His last thought was of the doc. How dare that arrogant jerk get mad at him for helping? Ash was a medic. Just because he was in a wheelchair didn’t change that fact. Featherstone was an ass for thinking anything less.



* * * *



Joshua took a deep breath as he tried to calm down. When he’d seen Ash wheeling around, helping the injured, Joshua had almost had a heart attack.

Didn’t Ash realize that he still had a long way to go in his recovery? That he was nowhere near ready to be on active duty again? Just one look at him now proved that. Ash was asleep, but his pallor had increased, and the circles were back under his eyes. It was obvious he’d overworked himself.

“Well, you handled that well,” Jacyn said in a clearly disapproving voice.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Joshua asked.

“He was just helping out. If any of us had been in his position, we would have done the same thing.”

“He doesn’t need to be up and treating patients, not when he’s a patient himself.”

Jacyn gave Joshua a knowing look. “Didn’t you tell us not to coddle him?”

“Yes.”

“Yet you kind of just did the same thing yourself. It seems a bit hypocritical to me, Doc.”

Joshua could feel his anger rising. “No, I’m just a doctor looking after the best interests of his patient.”

“I hate to break it to you, but we needed his help. We were up to our asses in alligators, and he helped us out of the mess. You know it as well as I do.”

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean it was good for him. Take a look at him for God’s sake.” Joshua gestured toward Ash. “He looks like crap right now.”

“He’ll be fine. He just needs some rest.”

“We all better hope so.”

Joshua went over and began to make a fuss over Ash, taking his vitals and checking him over. When Ash slept through the whole process, it didn’t make Joshua feel any better. It showed how tired his little Hawk was.

His little Hawk? No, he can’t be yours, and the sooner you remember that the better for both of you.

“See, I told you, he’s fine. Just a bit tired,” Jacyn said.

“His blood pressure is a bit low,” Joshua argued.

“Sure, but it’s nothing to be concerned about.”

Joshua gave Ash one more concerned glance before he turned away and glanced back at Jacyn. “If he tries a stunt like that again, I want you to tie him down to the bed.”

“No.”

Joshua gave a slight shake of his head. “I’m sorry, but did you just tell me no?”

“Yes, I know it’s a word you don’t hear very often, but in this case, get used to it, because I’m not going to budge on it. I don’t know what’s going on with you and Ash, but when it comes to things like this, I have to put my foot down.”

“I’m the one in charge of the infirmary, you little brat. I don’t care who your older brother is.”

“And I’m the one who is seeing an old friend making irrational decisions. You can deny it all you want, but there is something going on between you and Ash, and it has you all twisted up in knots. You need to figure out a way to handle it, and by that, I don’t mean running away from the problem again, like you did before.”

“I didn’t run away.”

“Like hell you didn’t,” Ash said from behind them.

They turned to see Ash sitting up in the bed, his eyes blazing with anger. Jacyn let out a wicked chuckle before he patted Joshua on the back and said, “I’m going to let you handle this one on your own. From where I’m standing, you’ve had it coming for a long time. All I can say is good luck.”

Going by the angry look on Ash’s face, Joshua was going to need it. The Hawk looked mad enough to spit fire and then some. The worst part of all, that fury was directed solely at him. For some reason, that scared Joshua more than ten Shanes put together.

“Did you really mean it when you said that you would tie me to the bed?” Ash demanded.

“It was only for your own good,” Joshua assured him.

“Fuck that,” Ash spat. “I am so sick of hearing that that I could puke. Just like I’m sick of you saying you left because you didn’t want to be a burden on the infirmary staff. We all know you left because of me, so why don’t you just man up and tell the truth for once?”

Joshua took a deep breath. “You were part of the reason.”

Ash let out a trembling sigh. “Do you really hate me that much?”

Joshua pulled the privacy curtain closed, then sat on the edge of the mattress and took Ash’s hand. “No, I don’t hate you at all.”

Ash gazed up with those beautiful eyes of his. “Then why?”

“It’s because I cared too much for you.”

Ash’s brow creased in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“I was having feelings for you that I have no right to have.”

“But why not?”

“Well, for one thing, you’re way younger than me.”

“So, what? It’s only ten years. That’s no big deal.”

“That’s not the only reason,” Joshua admitted, dreading having to say the next part, knowing how much it was going to hurt Ash.

“Tell me everything. It’s the least you owe me.”

“My parents have made it clear that they expect me to marry another Bobcat and that it’s supposed to be a female.”

The devastation on Ash’s face was like a kick to Joshua’s gut. Ash pulled his hand away with a hard jerk. “So, I’m not good enough for you, is that it?”

“No, I never meant that.”

“You said just as much a second ago. If you really did care for me, you wouldn’t give a damn what your parents thought.”

Joshua could feel his frustration begin to build. Why couldn’t Ash see things from his point of view? Why did everything always have to be so black and white in his world? He knew nothing of making sacrifices. Of having to put aside ones needs to meet the demands of their family.

“That’s not fair, Ash. You can’t ask me to pick between them or you.”

Ash stared at him for the longest moment before he said, “You’re right. I can’t, and I won’t. You go ahead and find that Bobcat female of yours. I wish you the best of luck.”

“Ash…”

“No, we’re done here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.”

Ash was obviously more upset than he let on because he tried to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. The moment his feet touched the ground, he fell down hard. When Joshua moved to help him, Ash held up a hand, his face red and tears in his eyes.

“Just go away, you’ve done enough already!” Ash yelled

The curtain parted, and Kallen came rushing in. He helped Ash up into his chair. Shooting Joshua a look of pure fury, the Hyena said, “You heard Ash, he doesn’t need your help anymore. I can take things from here.”

Left with no other option Joshua turned and walked away. Behind him, he could hear Kallen murmuring words of comfort to Ash. Never before in his life had Joshua felt lower.

As he left the infirmary, he planned on going straight to bed and forgetting that the night had even happened. So when he ran into Shane, he was less than pleased.

“Let me guess, you just fucked things up big time with Ash,” Shane said.

“How did you know?”

“Because I’ve seen that look before. Come on, let’s go.” Shane jerked his head.

“Where to?”

“The one shifter bar that hasn’t banned me. Nothing says I-fucked-up like going to get drunk.”

“I really don’t drink that much,” Joshua said. “That one night you came to my house was a fluke.”

Shane put an arm around the doctor’s shoulders. “Well, that’s okay. We’ll just get into a good fight instead.”

Joshua shook his head. “I really don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Trust me, Joshua, you really need to get out more.”

Somehow it didn’t shock Joshua that Shane knew his first name when few others did. Shane, the little bugger, probably also knew his social security number and the PIN to all his debit cards.

“But what if I’m needed when I’m out?” Joshua continued to argue.

At the same time, Shane continued to drag him to the door. “They’ll be fine without you. Now, let’s go.”

Knowing it was useless to argue, Joshua went along. They got into Shane’s car, and before Joshua knew it, they were at some bar that was so filthy and disgusting, calling it a dive would have been a compliment.

Shane ordered a couple of drinks from a crusty-looking Snake shifter, then sat back in his seat. “So, just how badly did you fuck up?”

“Just about as bad as I could get without physically ripping out his heart and stomping on it,” Joshua admitted.

“You told him the whole thing about only being able to mate a female Bobcat, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Shit, Doc. You really do know how to put the knife in and twist it.”

Joshua winced. “I fucked up. I know. I just thought I owed it to him to tell him the truth.”

“Did it ever occur to you to tell your parents no?”

“Things don’t work like that in our family. I already disappointed them once by working for the coalition instead of going into private practice. I can’t let them down again. To do so will devastate them.”

As Joshua repeated the same old argument, it sounded weak and tired, even to his own ears. He wondered for the first time if it was worth having his parents’ approval over Ash.

“Do you love him?”

“I don’t know…I think I might.” Joshua ran a hand through his long hair in frustration.

They fell silent as their drinks were delivered. Shane didn’t speak until the waitress was gone. “Then the answer seems pretty clear to me. Yes, you fucked up big time, and you have some major groveling to do. And if you’re lucky and Ash forgives you a second time, which I’m not so sure you deserve at this point, you’ll go and tell your parents to go fuck themselves. You should be the one who decides your future, not them, and the Doc Featherstone that I’ve always known would agree with that.”

Joshua realized that every word Shane spoke was true. There was no way that he should let his parents dictate his life. He was known for being direct, blunt, and a bit rude sometimes, so why was he now cowing to the wishes of his mother and father? Out of respect? They’d never shown him any. Shane was right. Fuck that. Joshua should be able to decide his own future and that future included Ash. That was provided Ash forgave him.

Standing up, Joshua flexed his muscles. “Are you ready for that fight you promised me? I have some aggression I need to work out.”

Shane flashed a wicked grin. “Welcome back, Doc. I’m glad to see your badass side has returned.”





Chapter Six





The next day, Ash was sitting in bed visiting with Isaac and Gregg, giving them the whole humiliating blow down of his fight with Featherstone.

“Damn, I knew the guy could be cold, but I didn’t think that he could be that mean,” Gregg said.

Ash shrugged. “He was just telling me the truth. It was just harsh.”

“Harsh?” Isaac echoed. “That’s putting it mildly. He all but told you that you weren’t good enough for him or his rich family. That’s downright mean.”

Off to one side of the room, Scarlett began humming again. They all looked over to see her giving Ash a menacing glare. Ash shivered and glanced away. “I hate it when she does that.”

“How long has she been doing it?” Isaac said.

“Off and on the past week.”

“But I thought you and Scarlett were friends,” Gregg commented, still staring at her.

“We were, but that was before the attack. Since then, she hasn’t been the same. It’s like she snapped or something and now for some strange reason she’s fixated on me.” Another shiver went through Ash. God, but he was getting sick of getting those looks from her. He wondered if maybe he could ask them to move him someplace else or something. Maybe then she would forget about him.

“Have you told any of the staff about it?” Isaac asked.

“Tell them what? That Scarlett is giving me meanie butt looks? Yeah, that will go over real well. That’ll make me sound like the crazy one. Besides, it’s not like she’s going to do anything to me. She never leaves her bed.”

“Never, ever?” Gregg asked. “Not even to go to the bathroom?”

Ash sighed. “This is so not a conversation that I’m getting into with you.”

Gregg shrugged. “So, sue me, I was just wondering.”

Ash glanced back over and saw Scarlett still giving him the death stare. He wondered what he’d done to her to bring it on. As far as he knew, he’d been sticking to his side of the room, minding his own business. He had no beef with her.

“What are you going to do when you see the doc again?” Isaac asked.

“I’m going to be very mature and ignore him, of course,” Ash replied.

“I don’t think that route is going to help your cause any,” Gregg drawled.

“That’s just it, I don’t have a cause anymore. I’m done with him.”

Isaac made a dismissive wave of his hand. “You really don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do,” Ash replied with dead certainty. “He’s made his point loud and clear. So, I’m moving on.”

“But you can’t give up,” Isaac said.

“I can and I have. I’m done with him. He can find his female Bobcat and go fuck himself.”

Isaac reached over and brushed Ash’s hair back from his face. “That doesn’t sound like the Ash I know, to give up so easily.”

“Maybe I’m sick of fighting. I have enough battles on my plate right now without adding another one.” Ash sighed.

He was getting tired even as he spoke. He’d just gone through yet another session of physical therapy and, while he was finally beginning to see some progress, it was still taxing on him.

“Why don’t we go and let you get some rest?” Gregg suggested. “We can come back tomorrow and check on you. How about we sneak you in some of that pizza you like so much?”

“That would be great.”

They both gave him a kiss on the cheek, then left. On the way out they both shot Scarlett concerned looks, which she ignored. As soon as they left, Ash wanted them back because he was alone with Scarlett. To get his mind off her, he thought of the promised pizza that would soon be coming his way.

While Ash had gained a lot of the weight he’d lost, he still had quite a few more pounds to put on, so he doubted that anybody would object to them bringing in outside food. Plus, there was talk of Ash leaving the infirmary soon and returning to his own living quarters.

At first, he’d been upset over the thought of having to leave because that meant he wouldn’t be seeing the doc all the time. Now Ash couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Hell, if he could, he’d wheel his sorry ass out of there now. Especially since Scarlett had been giving him those creepy looks.

“Saaaaaad….Aaaaaaasssshhh…..nobody loves him,” she sang from her corner.

Ash jumped, both because she’d spoken for the first time and because the words had been directed at him. He briefly thought about replying, but in the end just chose to ignore her.

“Hey, bird. I was talking to you,” she said, her voice harsh from being unused.

Ash felt a tremble build up in his body as he turned over and pulled the covers up to his shoulders. He glanced around, and his stomach flipped when he realized that, save for other patients, the room was empty. All the staff were gone.

This. Was. Not. Good.

Even though he, at times, had counted Scarlett as one of his friends, he realized the person talking to him was no longer the Scarlett he’d known. She’d cracked under the pressure and gone feral. Ocelots were known to be an unstable breed to begin with, but you add a little more crazy to them, and they could be downright deadly.

“Ash….aren’t you going to play with me?” Scarlett asked in a singsong voice.

Ash’s heart began to beat so hard it was a wonder the entire HQ didn’t hear it. The worst part of it was he knew he was a sitting duck. If she chose to attack—and he was pretty certain that she was going to do just that—there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn’t even run, much less defend himself. Even if he screamed, he’d be dead before help could come.

“Scarlett, you don’t want to do this. We’re friends, remember?” Ash tried, even though he knew it wouldn’t work.

She let out a hiss and he could hear her sliding out of bed. “I don’t have any friends. All I had was Blue, and they killed her.”

“They had to. She was trying to kill you.”

“She would have never done that to me, she loved me.”

Yeah, it was official. Scarlett had taken a dive off the deep end, and she wasn’t coming back up for air. The scary part was she was planning on dragging Ash down with her.

Ash turned around and let out a little yelp of shock when he saw that she was only feet from him. Worse yet, she had a wicked-looking dagger in her hand. Now who in the hell was stupid enough to give her that? Wasn’t it rule number one when dealing with unstable people not to give them anything pointy?

Just as Ash was about to give up all hope, he heard the sound of footsteps coming. Turning, he saw Kallen walking into the room, but he was looking down at a chart, so he didn’t notice the confrontation until he was almost smack dab in the middle of it.

The Hyena looked up, his eyes wide with shock and perhaps a healthy dose of fear. “What are you doing out of bed, Scarlett, and why do you have a weapon?”

Scarlett’s response was to swing the weapon in an arch. Kallen jumped back, but not in time to stop being caught. Blood sprayed everywhere, some of it hitting Ash in the face.

Ash expected Kallen to fall to the ground. Instead, he staggered back and put himself in a protective position between Ash and Scarlett. Holding a hand over his stomach, which was now covered in blood, Kallen said, “You’ll have to go through me to get to him.”

Drake, a large Tiger shifter who had both legs injured in the last battle, let out a roar of protest and lunged forward to help only to fall to the ground when his legs gave out under him. Other patients began to yell for help and throw things at Scarlett, which she easily batted away. She took one more step forward and slashed Kallen again with her blade. This time, he fell to the ground and didn’t get back up.

“Now, there’s nobody to protect you,” she smiled wickedly down at Ash.

Left with no other choice, Ash tried to shift. To his shock and amazement, it worked. He managed to call forth his Hawk. It only lasted a few moments, but it allowed him to miss the killing stab that was coming his way.

He landed on his feet and even managed to walk a few steps before his legs gave way and sent him falling hard on his face. He then began to army crawl away as fast as he could. His goal was a code blue button that would call all the staff to the infirmary.

She was on him fast, her blade going into his leg. Ash let out a scream of agony before he managed a weak kick. She laughed at his futile attempts to defend himself. “You are so pathetic. They should have culled you a long time ago.”

The doors to the infirmary burst open and Featherstone came running in, Shane, Ackley, and Tatum hot on his heels. The latter three had their guns out and at the ready.

It’s about damn time, Ash thought, even as he continued to crawl away.

Remembering how he was able to walk a few steps before, he grabbed onto a nearby counter and pulled himself up. It hurt his stab wound like hell, but he didn’t care. All he wanted to do was put some distance between himself and the bitch.

Using the counter for support, he began to slowly shuffle toward the others. It was a slow, agonizing process, but Ash was determined, so he didn’t give up. Not even when his entire body began to tremble and sweat.

Featherstone met him halfway and caught Ash just as he was about to collapse. While Ash wanted to push him away, he was too weak, besides he had to get help for Kallen.

“Kallen, she stabbed him a couple of times. He’s by my bed,” Ash rushed out.

“How did you get away?” Featherstone asked.

“I shifted. I was only able to hold it for a second, but it was enough to get out of the bed.”

The doc let out a low curse. “We need to see what the shift did to the bullets inside you.”

“No, take care of Kallen first. He got hurt trying to protect me.”

Doc pushed a button on the wall that would summon all the hospital staff. It had been what Ash had been trying to crawl to before Scarlett had stabbed him.

“Scarlett, drop the blade,” Shane said as he, Ackley and Tatum surrounded her.

“Why? So you can lock me up? I don’t think so, Shane,” she replied with a crazed laugh.

“It doesn’t have to end like this, Scarlett. We can help you,” Shane soothed.

“Fuck you, Shane.”

With those final words, she took the blade and plunged it into her own chest. Ash watched in horror as she let out a small gurgling sound, then dropped to the ground, dead.

Shane rushed over to her, but Ash could already tell it was too late. As an assassin, Scarlett knew how to inflict a deadly blow, even if it were to herself.

Shane still checked her pulse before he looked up at Ackley and Tatum, “She’s dead.”

The assassins all went down on one knee and bowed their heads. Even though Scarlett had gone feral in the end, she was one of them, fought by their side, had been their comrade. They would show her the proper respect.

Meanwhile, the other doctors and infirmary staff rushed in. They ran to Kallen and placed him gingerly on a cot, then rushed him to surgery. Afterward, they came to take Ash to X-Ray to see how the shift had affected the bullet placement in his body.

On the way there, all the events came rushing back to Ash, and he began to panic. On instinct, he started to shift again, only to have the doc slap him across the face. “No more shifting until we know what’s going on inside of you.”

Ah, there was the doc that Ash used to know and love.

No, you don’t love him anymore, remember? You hate him because he broke your heart. Don’t forget that.

Since there were a ton of people around, and Ash didn’t want to air their dirty undies for the world to see, he settled for giving Featherstone a filthy look. But at least the slap worked, because it calmed Ash down.

They wheeled him into the X-Ray room, and Ash held his breath while they did their thing. He was worried about what they would find. While he liked to think the news would be good since he had been able to stand and walk a few steps on his own, he knew one could ever be certain.

After what seemed like forever, Featherstone came out with a huge smile on his face. “Good news. When you shifted, the bullets moved away from your spine. They’re going to be able to go in and take them out.”

“Wait, you’re not going to do the surgery?” Ash asked, surprised that a control freak like the doc would let anybody else run the show.

Featherstone frowned. “No, ever since I was wounded, my grip strength hasn’t been the same, so I can’t operate anymore.”

It was then that Ash realized that he’d never taken the time to ask the doc about his injuries. Sure, he’d noticed that Featherstone walked with a limp, but Ash, selfish jerk that he was, hadn’t looked beyond himself to inquire about it.

“I’m sorry to hear about that,” Ash said sincerely. “I know how much you loved surgery.”

Featherstone shrugged. “It is what it is. You learned to adjust, so will I.” He patted Ash on the shoulder. “Get ready. As soon as they get Kallen out of the operating room, you’ll be going in.”

“Is he going to be okay?”

“Yes, he has some internal damage, but nothing that the surgery and a few shifts can’t fix.”

“What about me? Will I be able to walk again?”

Featherstone paused for a moment. “They’ll know more once they get in. We’re not for sure how much permanent damage was done to your spinal cord. While we do have better healing abilities than humans, even we have our limitations.”

“Thank you.”

Featherstone cocked a brow. “For what?”

“Not trying to sugarcoat it for me. That’s what I always like best about you as a doctor. You’re always straightforward and tell the truth.”

No matter how much it hurts.





Chapter Seven





Joshua never realized how hard it was to be on the opposite side of the operating room door and in the family room until he was sitting there waiting to hear how Ash’s surgery had gone. With him were Isaac, Gregg and, oddly enough, Shane who seemed to have taken a liking to the Hawk. Daniel, Dean, and Mitchell were there as well, as a show of leadership and support.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Hana came out. She appeared tired, no doubt from doing back-to-back surgeries, but she had a smile on her face. “The news is good. No, it’s great.”

“You were able to take out the bullets?” Joshua asked.

“More than that, the damage to his spinal cord is going to be repairable now that they’re gone. Given a little more time, he’ll be back to his old self,” she said.

Joshua felt as if a huge weight was lifted off his chest. Ash would be fine. No longer would Ash pay a terrible price for saving Joshua’s life. His fireball could fly again.

“When can I see him?” Joshua asked.

“You can go in now. But, as you know, he’ll be a bit groggy.”

No sooner had she said the words, than Joshua was through the doors and making his way back to post-op. Gage was already back there with Kallen, who had made it through his surgery with no problems. Joshua would forever be grateful to the Hyena shifter for saving Ash’s life.

Joshua went up to Ash and leaned over the bed. Brushing back his hair, he said, “Did they tell you the good news?”

Ash gave him a bleary grin. “Yeah, I’m going to be able to walk again. How wicked cool is that?”

Joshua laughed. He was already beginning to sound like the old Ash. “Very wicked cool. You’ll be able to shift, too. You’ll have your Hawk back, just like you wanted.”

“I missed it so much. Almost as much as I missed you when you were gone.”

Even though Joshua knew it was the drugs doing the talking, he still replied, “I missed you, too, every single day.”

“Then why didn’t you come back?”

“Because I was a damn fool. I won’t make that same mistake twice.”

Ash let out a high-sounding laugh. “No, because you have to find some nice female Bobcat to mate with. No boy Hawks for you.”

“I don’t want anybody but you, Ash.”

Ash rolled his eyes. “You’re just saying that because you think I’m too high to remember this conversation. Once I’m sober, you’ll go back to the way you were before. I’m not that high that I don’t know that.”

Joshua leaned down and lightly feathered their lips together. It wasn’t exactly how he’d planned their first kiss to be, but so be it. “If you don’t remember it, then I’ll just have to repeat it. While I was waiting for you during surgery, I decided something.”

“That the chairs in the family room are way too uncomfortable?”

“No, I decided that I don’t care what my family thinks. I want you, and if they don’t like it, then it’s their problem.”

“You’ll change your mind back again once I’m better.”

“No, I won’t,” Joshua said with dead certainty.

Ash patted his hand. “Yes, you will. Hey, will I ever get my F or L?”

Joshua shook his head. “No, but it’s not because you don’t measure up in my eyes. It’s because you’re my Ash. Just like the phoenix, who rises out of the ashes. No matter how many times you get knocked down, you manage to rise up and keep on fighting.”

“Hmmm…when you say it that way, it almost sounds pretty.”

Ash then closed his eyes and fell back to sleep. Joshua still spent a few more minutes by Ash’s side, caressing his hair and giving him the occasional kiss on his brow, before he said, “I love you so damn much, please forgive me.”

He then got up so he could go out to the others to tell them how Ash was doing. As soon as he went to the family room, he was met with questions.

“Is he awake?” Isaac asked.

“Can he really walk again?” Gregg added.

Joshua held up his hands. “He was awake for a while, but he’s sleeping again. You should be able to see him in the morning. He’s still pretty out of it. Yes, he will be able to walk and shift again. He was very happy about that. Before we know it, he’ll be out in the field with you guys again.”

Even as Joshua said those words, it felt like a punch to the gut. Just the thought of Ash being out on active duty scared the hell out of him. No, there was no way he was going to allow it. Ash would just work in the infirmary from now on. If he didn’t like it, then too bad. There was no way that Joshua was ever going to let Ash get hurt again.

Everyone filed out, but Shane who was giving Joshua a probing stare. “You made up your mind, didn’t you?”

“Yes, my family can go fuck themselves as you like to say. I’m not letting anything get between me and Ash.”

“Are you sure he still even wants you?”

Joshua pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, in fact, I’m sure that he’s pretty pissed at me still. I’m going to have some work to do to earn his trust back.”

Shane clapped him on the back. “I never thought I’d see this day.”

“What?”

“Where some itty, bitty Hawk would bring Doc Featherstone down to his knees. If it wasn’t so pathetic, I might laugh.” Shane stopped, cocked his head to the side, then continued, “No, I think I’m still going to laugh.”

“I’m sorry about Scarlett.”

“Yeah, so am I. She was a good assassin. It was a bitch that she had to go out the way she did.”

“What are you guys going to do now?”

“We’re going to give her a funeral per our customs and then I need to look for a replacement. With Tatum basically on retirement, I’m running low on killers.”

Joshua gave him a dry look. “I’m sorry to hear about your problem.”

Shane, as usual, missed the message. He just shrugged. “I know. I keep asking Mitchell to let me promote Andrew, but he keeps saying no, so I’m going to have to look for outside resources for this. I need at least two warm bodies, and since he also wants me to look for some assassins for Chris’s pack, I’m going to have my work cut out for me.”

“It sounds like you have a tough job.”

“You have no idea, Doc. Plus Ava wants me to take her to some movie about fairies. How can I tell her no?”

Joshua smiled as he thought about the little Leopard girl. He didn’t think there was a shifter alive that could deny her anything. “I don’t think you can.”

Shane pulled his hood over his head. “Well, I better get going, I have a kill to do and a funeral to take care of before I can go home tonight.”

With that, he was off. Joshua shook his head as he wondered for the first time what it was that made Shane…well, Shane. How he could talk about movies in one breath and murder in the next like they were the same thing. But then again, Shane was unique like that.

Since Joshua knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep, he went into the infirmary to help out. Not only was there a huge cleanup to take care of, but Scarlett had been very thorough in making a mess of things.

When he walked to the spot where Kallen had made a stand and saw the blood still there, his stomach blanched. Had it not been for the Hyena, Ash would be dead. Joshua owed Kallen so much. If it took him his whole life, he would find a way to make it up to him.

Everybody else was busy with other patients, so Joshua got out a mop and bucket and began to clean up the blood. It was normally a job an orderly would do, but at the moment, Joshua wasn’t a doctor, he was a man who was grateful to the one who had saved his mate.

Mate?

Yes, there was no doubt in his mind that Ash was his mate. Which meant Joshua had one thing to do. It wouldn’t be easy, and once he did it, there would be no going back, but he had no choice. It had to be done.

Although he’d rather do it face to face, he didn’t want to leave HQ with Ash fresh out of surgery. So Joshua put up the mop and went to his office. Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, he picked up the phone and called home.

“Featherstone speaking,” his father answered, all business as usual.

“Father, it’s me, Joshua.”

“Hello, Joshua. You left in such a rush. We didn’t even have time for a proper farewell.”

Joshua sighed. As always with his father, his spoken word was so proper and stiff. He never relaxed, never even around his own family. Yet everybody wondered why Joshua was such a crank at times. If they only knew his history, they’d understand.

“I had to get back to my mate,” Joshua said.

Might as well get right to the heart of the topic and get things over with. No sense in dragging things out. The outcome would be the same either way.

“Mate? You never mentioned you found her. What’s her name and lineage?”

Damn, his father acted like they were talking about a show dog instead of a person. Joshua took a deep breath to hold back his anger. To think that he allowed this man to rule his life, for so long, too. Damn, he’d been such an idiot. Thank God Shane had slapped some sense into him.

“It’s not a she, and it’s a Hawk shifter.”

There was a long silence over the phone before his father said, “This had better be a joke.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s not. I didn’t mean to, but I fell in love with him, and I’m not giving him up.”

“Pack your things up and come home immediately. Those low-bred felines at that coalition have been a bad influence on you. I knew I should never have allowed you to go there. Once you get home, you’ll see things our way again.”

Joshua took the phone away from his ear and gave it a look of disbelief, his shock was so great. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m a grown man. I can make my own decisions in life, and this is one of them. You can’t dictate my life anymore.”

“You do this and you will be letting down the entire family.”

“And if I don’t, I’ll be letting down myself.”

“Don’t you have any respect for your heritage, your ancestors?” his father yelled.

“Of course I do, but that doesn’t mean I have to live an unhappy life.”

“You do this and I’ll disown you. You won’t have a family anymore.”

You’re wrong, I have my family here and that’s all that matters, Joshua thought.

Instead, he said aloud, “I’m sorry, Father, but my mind is made up, my mate is more important to me.”

Then he was listening to dead air because his father hung up on him. Joshua held the receiver to his ear for a few more moments before setting it down. It was only then that he realized his hands were trembling.

He’d done it. Stood up to his father. Now all that stood between him and Ash was Ash forgiving him, something that Joshua knew wasn’t going to come easy. He’d hurt his little Hawk badly, and Joshua honestly didn’t know if he deserved another chance. But he was going to do everything in his power to make sure he got it.



* * * *



Ash woke up and blinked a few times before the events from the night before came back to him. Then he sat up with a gasp as panic gripped him.

“Shhh…you’re okay. Everything is over now. You’re safe now,” a familiar voice said.

Turning, Ash was comforted to see Isaac sitting there. From the bags under his eyes, he’d been there awhile, too.

“Scarlett?” Ash asked.

“Dead.”

“Shit,” Ash breathed as he closed his eyes.

Even though she’d gone off the deep end and tried to kill him, he never wanted it to end that way. Before everything had gone into the crapper for her, she’d been a decent person. She hadn’t deserved any of what had happened to her.

“Shane made sure she had an honorable funeral,” Isaac said.

“At least she had that.”

“How are you feeling?” Isaac asked.

“A bit groggy, but otherwise great. For the first time since being shot, I have complete feeling in my legs. Was I dreaming last night or did they say that I could walk again?”

Isaac smiled. “No, you weren’t. They said that not only would you be able to walk again, but that you can shift, too. Before you know it, you’ll be back in the field with us.”

Ash fell silent for a moment before another thought occurred to him. “Did the doc come back to see me after I came out of surgery?”

“Are you kidding? He couldn’t wait to get in to see you. Why?”

Ash ignored the question as, all of a sudden, bits and pieces of the conversation between him and the doc came back. Letting out a gasp, Ash brought his hand to his mouth. “I am such an asshole.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Do you know I never even asked Featherstone his first name?”

“So what are you getting at?”

“I’ve been mad at him for not giving up his family to be with me, yet I’ve been so selfish and caught up in my own drama, I never asked him about himself. I didn’t even know until yesterday that he can’t operate anymore because of the injuries he got in the attack. But he knows my medical history back to front.”

“Well, he is your doctor,” Isaac pointed out.

“You know what I’m talking about. I’ve been such a brat, moping around, that all I’ve been thinking about is me and not even caring about how this all affects him. No wonder he doesn’t want me. I know I sure as hell wouldn’t if I were in his shoes.”

“So what are you going to do about it?” Isaac asked.

“I’m going to go to him and beg him for his forgiveness. Then I’m going to make him tell me everything about him, even if I have to pry it from him.”

“Are you going to tell him why you were exiled from your last cast?”

The thought made Ash’s stomach clench with dread, but he nodded. “I just hope he still wants me after he hears everything.”





Chapter Eight





Two days later, Joshua found Ash on the roof of HQ. While Ash was able to walk, he had to use two canes to help him, but each day he was progressing and it would only be a matter of time before he was back to his old self.

For a moment, Joshua just stood there and studied Ash. He’d put back on most of the weight he’d lost, and his face had filled out. The wind blew through his hair, making it ruffle slightly, the brown locks blowing into his eyes. He wore a pair of jeans that hung low on his hips and a t-shirt that was bright red with some cartoon character on it that Joshua didn’t recognize.

“What’s your first name?” Ash asked.

Joshua startled, shocked that Ash had realized he’d been there all along. “Joshua.”

Ash smiled. “Joshua. I like it. It fits you.”

“I thought that you wouldn’t want to talk to me again,” Joshua admitted as he moved closer.

Ash turned and gave Joshua a sad look. “Actually, I should be the one apologizing to you.”

Now Joshua was doubly shocked. “Why? What did you do?”

“It’s what I didn’t do. I’ve been so caught up in my own issues and being a brat, I neglected you.”

Joshua dared to reach out and cup Ash’s cheek, when Ash leaned into the touch instead of pulling away, Joshua felt as if he’d won a big victory. “You haven’t neglected me.”

“Yes, I have. I don’t know anything about you, and it’s because I’ve been too self-centered to take the time to ask. I don’t even know what tribe your ancestors came from.”

“Cree.”

“So you’re actually from Canada then?”

“Yes, my family still lives there.”

“Do you miss them when you’re here?”

“Not when I’m with you,” Joshua said. He was rewarded with a dazzling smile.

“That stuff you said to me the night of my surgery, did you really mean it?”

Leave it to Ash to remember that. “You recall that, huh?”

Ash nodded. “Yeah, I was out of it, but I still heard every word you said.”

“Yes, I do.”

Ash nibbled on his bottom lip and looked troubled. “Before we go further, there is something I should tell you. If you don’t want me after, I’ll understand.”

“There’s nothing that could ever make me not want you.”

“Don’t be so sure of that. What I’m about to tell you is a doozy. I lied to everyone when I first came here. Well, to everyone but Mitchell and my closest friends. I didn’t just leave my old flock, I was exiled.”

Wow, that hadn’t been what Joshua was expecting. It usually took a lot for a cast to exile a member. Whatever Ash did had to have been pretty bad.

“What happened?”

“Well, as you probably already know, most of our casts are small because we were nearly wiped out by the Ravens. So, we tend to be very protective and secretive about our security and stuff. With good reason.”

“That makes sense.”

“I fell for a Hawk from another cast. I thought he was the one for me. Boy, did he have me fooled. He was the leader, and he was a lot older than me. Before I knew it, he had me wrapped around his finger, and I was letting things slip. I didn’t even realize it at the time because I was so young and stupid, but I was giving away all my cast’s secrets. One night my lover’s cast came and destroyed my cast.”

“Damn, I’m so sorry,” Joshua said, his heart breaking for Ash.

“Oh, it gets better. Did I mention that my father was the leader of my cast? By the time my lover was done, there were only a handful of survivors left, and one of my father’s first acts after the attack was to exile me. I haven’t seen or talked to him since.”

Joshua wrapped Ash into a tight embrace. “You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“How can I not? So many of my cast members died that night, and it was all my fault.”

“No, it wasn’t. Like you said, you were young and being used by somebody who was older and wiser than you. You were just a pawn in his game, and your father should have realized that.”

Joshua was so angry at that moment that had Ash’s father been there, he would have taken the man out. How dare he blame all that carnage on his son? And then to send him away like that? To make him carry all that guilt? Only a monster would do that.

“You don’t hate me?” Ash asked.

It was only then that Joshua realized how much Ash was trembling. Joshua pulled back and placed a tender kiss on his lips. “I could never hate you. Don’t you know that I love you more than life itself?”

Ash’s eyes grew wide as he shook his head. “No, I must have missed that part of the conversation.”

“I love you so much that I called my father and told him about us. I also told him that no matter what he thinks, I want you as my mate. That is, if you’ll still have me.”

“Of course I still want you. I love you, too.”

A feeling of joy went through Joshua and he couldn’t remember a time when he’d been happier. “You do?”

“Yes, more than anything.”

Joshua cupped the back of Ash’s head and brought him in for a proper kiss. Slanting his mouth over Ash’s, he pressed their lips together. Ash moaned in surrender, his body swaying into Joshua’s.

Joshua slid his tongue into Ash’s mouth, finally getting a proper taste of his mate and how good it was, sweet, yet tangy and all wild—just like he imagined Ash would be.

Ash let go of the canes and gripped Joshua’s shoulders, giving up total control to the doctor. It gave Joshua a heady thrill to know that Ash trusted him that much. That his mate knew that he would take care of him.

Mate. Mine.

The overwhelming urge to scent Ash took over and Joshua tore away from his lips and began to rub his face along Ash’s jaw and neck. He couldn’t wait to get Ash naked so he could drench the other man in his scent. That way any other feline who got near Ash would know who he belonged to and to stay the hell away.

“Joshua. Joshua,” Ash whispered.

Hearing his name from Ash’s lips was such a turn on that before he knew it Joshua was on his knees in front of Ash. Ash let out a nervous chuckle. “I said I already forgave you. You don’t need to get on your knees and beg.”

When Joshua reached out and began to undo Ash’s pants, Ash’s eyes grew wide. “Are you serious? We’re up on the roof. Anybody could see us.”

“I don’t give a damn. I have to taste you now.”

Joshua finished unzipping Ash’s fly and pulled out his impressively sized cock. Letting out a hum of approval, he leaned forward and lapped at the head. Ash let out a moan as he jerked forward.

“You’re right. Who gives a fuck? Go right ahead,” Ash said.

Joshua smiled to himself right before he stuck out his tongue and licked a path along the sensitive underside of Ash’s cock. Ash let out a cry of passion as he once more moved his hands to Joshua’s shoulders for support.

“Take it all in, please?” Ash begged.

That was one request Joshua was more than happy to take. Parting his lips, he sucked all of Ash’s dick into his mouth. It wasn’t easy since Ash was big, but Joshua managed by relaxing his throat and breathing through his nose.

Still sucking in, he let Ash’s cock slide out until only the tip remained inside, then just as quickly he took him deep again. Ash let out a moan as his hips snapped forward, his fingers digging into Joshua’s shoulders.

Joshua set up a slow, steady rhythm intent on driving Ash crazy. Going by the way Ash was letting out hitching breaths, it was working, too. Finally, Ash seemed to have enough as he used one hand to tug at Joshua’s hair and thrust his cock in and out of Joshua’s mouth.

“Gonna come,” Ash warned.

Joshua gave a slight nod that he was okay with that. Ash gave one last thrust before his cock spurted thick ropes of cum into Joshua’s mouth. Joshua swallowed quickly, eager to get every drop. He didn’t want any to go to waste. He even licked Ash’s dick clean when he was done, before tucking him back inside.

Joshua stood, licking his lips to make sure that none of Ash’s essence was still lingering there.

Looking up from under his long lashes, Ash asked, “What about you?”

Cupping Ash’s cheek, Joshua said, “Just knowing that you are taken care of is good enough for me.”

Ash shook his head. “No, it’s not.”

Putting his hands on Joshua’s forearms for support, Ash forced Joshua to backpedal until his spine was flush against the door of the stairwell.

Letting out a nervous laugh, Joshua said, “What does my little fireball have in my mind?”

Never breaking eye contact, Ash slowly lowered Joshua’s fly and freed his lover’s cock. Looking down, Ash’s mouth formed an O. “You have one amazing dick there, Doc. Had I known you were hiding that away from me, I would have found a way to get to it sooner.”

Before Joshua could even formulate a response to that, Ash had his hand wrapped around the shaft and was beginning to pump up and down. It wasn’t the best hand job he’d ever received. For one thing, it was a bit dry since they had only pre-cum and a bit of Ash’s spit as lubricant, but Joshua treasured every second of it. It was his mate who was giving it to him and that was all that mattered in his book.

All the while, Ash whispered the dirtiest things in Joshua’s ear. Things that he wanted Joshua to do to him. Things that Ash wanted to do to him. Most of which had to be physically impossible, but Joshua was willing to give them a try once they were alone and in the bedroom.

Before long, Joshua could feel his orgasm cresting and he was powerless to stop it. He let out a muffled cry as his cock shot off, cum splattering all over Ash’s hand.

Just as he was about to apologize for making a mess, Ash brought his dirty hand up and began to lap away the mess. Just like it was the most delicious treat that he’d ever received. He even let out a humming sound.

“Does it taste that good?” Joshua couldn’t resist asking.

Ash gazed up with lust-filled eyes and nodded. “Uh huh.”

He then proceeded to lick his fingers and hand clean of every drop as Joshua tucked his own cock in and got his clothes in proper order. It wasn’t until Ash gave his lips one last lick that Joshua grabbed him by the hand and led him over to his canes.

He handed them to Ash and then waited patiently as Ash made his way across the roof, then down the long flight of stairs. Once they got to the bottom, Joshua couldn’t resist pinning Ash to the wall and rubbing against him again. Scenting him even more.

As they walked out of the stairwell, Joshua even went so far as to grab Ash and kiss him in front of everyone. Which was a real character one-eighty since he hated acts of PDA. He couldn’t help it, though, as he wanted everybody to know that Ash was taken and that they better not touch him.

Finally, it was Ash who pulled away. “We better get back to the infirmary. I want to see how Kallen is doing.”

While Joshua wanted to argue, he knew Ash was right. Besides, after the last attack, they had a full house and he was needed. So they made their way back to the infirmary. On the way there, they got many curious stares. No doubt because of the fact that Ash now reeked of Joshua. Joshua smiled to himself. Let them be as shocked as they wanted to be. Ash was now his, and they all better get used to it.

Once they reached the infirmary, Ash made a direct beeline for Kallen’s bed. Since Isaac and Gregg were already visiting, Joshua knew that Ash would be there for a while.

He couldn’t wait for Ash and Kallen to get well enough to work the floor as medics. They were still vastly understaffed, and they could use the extra bodies. From what Joshua heard, they were also short on field medics, too.

He knew that they would try to take Ash and make him a field medic again, but Joshua planned on fighting it with all the power he had. There was no way in hell he was going to let his mate go back out into danger. He’d already been wounded too many times as it was. As far as Joshua was concerned, it was somebody else’s turn to put their asses in the line of fire.

“How are things going?” he asked Jacyn.

Jacyn gave him a harried look. “We’re up to our asses in alligators here. Between Drake trying to get at Kallen, the others still freaking out over the Scarlett incident, and just general crankiness, I’m thinking about spiking the lunch with Haldol.”

“While that may be fun, they usually frown on us doing that kind of thing.”

“Maybe, but it would make things a whole hell of a lot easier on us. How long before Ash is work ready?”

“He should be able to help out part-time tomorrow.”

Jacyn clapped his hands together. “Thank the gods.”

“But only on light duty.”

“Anything will be a help. I tried to get some field medics in to help, and they laughed in my face. They are even worse off than we are.”

The reminder once again made Joshua’s stomach drop. “You don’t think they’re going to try to make Ash go back out in the field once he’s fully recovered, do you?”

Jacyn gave a shrug. “Probably, he’s fully trained and ready.”

A growl filled the room and it took Joshua a few minutes to realize it was coming from him. Jacyn cocked a brow. “I take it you don’t like that idea so much?”

“No, I don’t. Ash has already been through enough. The last thing he needs to do is go out there and get injured again.”

Jacyn gave him a sad look. “Well, then you better figure out something quick. Because you know how things go, coalition goes before one individual. I know it may sound harsh, but that’s the way things have always been.”

Joshua lowered his head. Jacyn was right. Ash would be better for the coalition if he was a field medic. But how in the world would Joshua let his mate go back into the line of fire after everything they’d gone through?





Chapter Nine





Ash went over to Kallen’s bed and joined the others. Sitting on the edge of the mattress, he asked Kallen, “How are you feeling?”

Kallen gave him a slightly goofy smile. “I’m sore, but they’re giving me meds for that.”

“I can see that,” Ash laughed. He then sobered. “Thank you so much for saving my life. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you for what you did.”

Kallen gave a sloppy wave of his hand. “You would have done the same thing for me. I just want to know one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Why do you reek of the doc?”

Ash felt himself blush to the roots of his hair as they all looked at him curiously. “Ah…we kind of made out and did some stuff on the roof and he rubbed his scent on me. I guess it’s a feline thing. They like to mark their territory that way.”

Isaac snorted. “At least he didn’t pee on you. That would have been really weird.”

“Yeah, that would have been way out of my comfort zone,” Ash said.

They all laughed, drawing stares from nearby patients. Once they had calmed down, Isaac asked, “So, does this mean that you and the doc are a couple now?”

Ducking his head, Ash suddenly felt a little bashful. Which was funny since he never was that way. It just felt weird talking about something so personal. “Yeah, we are.”

Isaac let out a soft whoop. “It’s about time you two got your heads out of your asses and realized you were meant for each other. I was about to lock you two in a room until you came to your senses.”

“I’m so glad we were able to accommodate you,” Ash drawled.

“So does this mean that you’re not going to go out into the field anymore?” Gregg asked.

“I highly doubt it. They’re already asking me how long it will take before I’m in fighting condition. I guess they’re desperate for good field medics.”

Isaac let out a low whistle. “The doc isn’t going to like that. From what I’ve seen, he’s wicked protective of you.”

Ash let out a sigh. “I know. That is one conversation I’m not looking forward to having. He’s going to flip a lid.”

“What are you going to do if he says no?” Gregg asked.

“I don’t think either one of us is going to have a say in the matter. Mitchell is going to step in and order me to go out,” Ash said. “As the leader, he has to put the needs of the coalition over what Joshua and I want.”

Isaac wrinkled his nose and smiled. “Joshua? Is that the doc’s first name?”

“Yeah, but I don’t recommend that you call him by it,” Ash said with a chuckle.

Isaac shook his head. “No worries about that. I’m not that stupid to get on his bad side by doing that.”

They all settled into an easy conversation. They visited for about an hour before Joshua came over and got Ash. “If you’re done visiting, I think it’s time for me and my mate to leave.”

When everybody gave them a knowing look, Ash glared at them. And they were supposed to be his friends. He thought they could at least have a bit of tact.

Once they left the infirmary, Ash asked, “Where are we going?”

“I thought I would show you my living quarters. If you agree to it, I would like them to be yours, too.”

“I would like that, too. Mine are so small that if I stand up, I can touch the both walls with my fingers if I stretch my hands out.”

Joshua laughed and what a beautiful sound it was. “Mine is much larger, I promise.”

Joshua led him to a door and opened it. Ash went in and his mouth parted in shock. “Joshua, this is an apartment. You even have a living room and a kitchen of your own.”

“So, I take it you like it?”

“I love it.”

Ash gazed around. It was decorated simply, mostly in earth tones. There weren’t too many pictures or other décor, no doubt because Joshua spent most of his time in the infirmary. Ash made a silent vow to jazz the place up a bit. Joshua should have someplace warm and welcoming to come home to every night.

“Are you hungry?” Joshua asked.

“No, I just want to see where the bedroom is.”

Joshua gave a sexy smile. “Are you really that eager?”

Ash nibbled on his bottom lip. “Food can wait. But I can’t wait for you to finally claim me as yours in all ways.”

Joshua’s eyes turned dark with passion and he let out a small growl before he attacked. Pinning Ash to the wall, he kissed him like a man starved. Ash let out a yelp of surprise before returning the passion, his tongue sliding out to get a taste of his mate.

Joshua tasted so wild and untamed, just the opposite of the image he always portrayed. Ash relished it, knowing he was getting to see a side of the Bobcat that nobody else ever did. This was his mate, and only Ash truly knew him.

“Wrap your legs around my waist,” Joshua demanded.

Only too happy to comply, Ash did as instructed, his legs going around Joshua. Still kissing Ash, Joshua then began to walk them to the bedroom. When they got there and Ash saw a king sized bed instead of a twin like in his old room, he let out a silent cheer. They would have plenty of room to play around.

Joshua gently laid Ash down on it, as if he were the greatest treasure on Earth. Joshua then stood and looked down on him. “If you only knew how many times I dreamed of this moment. Of you being here in my bed, like this.”

Ash stretched out, giving what he hoped was a good show. “You like it now, wait until I’m naked. I’ll bet you’ll like it even better.”

Or at least Ash hoped so. While he’d gained a good portion of his weight back, he knew he was still underweight. He hoped his scrawny appearance didn’t disappoint Joshua. After all, as a doctor, Joshua had seen plenty of men naked, and some of them were pretty buff, but Ash was far from that.

Joshua smiled down at him. “I know I’ll like it better.”

He then crawled on the bed and straddled Ash’s thighs. Taking his time, Joshua slowly lifted the hem of Ash’s shirt, revealing first his stomach and then his chest. Before Ash had a chance to feel self-conscious, Joshua began to pepper small kisses over the exposed flesh.

Ash arched his body up as little sparks of desire shot through him. In between the kisses, Joshua would rub his face over Ash, scenting him more. It shouldn’t have been such a turn-on, but damned if it wasn’t. It had Ash so hard that he felt like he was going to burst through his jeans. Then Joshua took one of Ash’s nipples into his mouth and lightly bit down, causing Ash to nearly come unglued.

“Ah, fuck! That’s so good,” Ash cried out as he threaded his fingers through Joshua’s long hair.

Joshua flicked his tongue over the nub a few times before he moved onto the other nipple, giving it the same attention. Ash had never realized that his nipples could be such an erogenous zone before, but damn if he wasn’t getting a firsthand lesson.

When Joshua moved on, Ash let out a sound of protest, but it soon morphed into a moan of pleasure when Joshua began to massage his cock through his jeans. Ash found himself rocking into the touch, even as Joshua continued to kiss his way down Ash’s stomach.

When he reached Ash’s waistband, Joshua paused long enough to undo the fly and take off Ash’s pants. There was a moment of awkwardness, because Ash still had his shoes on, but they worked their way through it with a few chuckles.

Ash fully expected another amazing blowjob, so when Joshua just gave his cock a few licks, he was a bit disappointed. That was until Joshua took Ash’s balls into his mouth and sucked them in one at a time.

“Holy crap! That’s amazing!” Ash yelled as he fisted the bedcovers.

He could have gone on with that activity all day, but Joshua only lingered there for a moment, before he kissed his way down Ash’s legs. He even paid attention to each and every toe.

“Turn over,” Joshua ordered.

Ash did, pinning his hard cock between himself and the mattress. He wiggled some until he managed to find a comfortable position. As soon as he was settled, Joshua began the same routine, only this time to Ash’s back.

He started at Ash’s shoulders and worked his way slowly down his spine, alternating kisses and rubs of his face, leaving no area untouched. Through it all, Ash let out a series of moans and gasps. No other lover had ever given him such attention—had treated him as if he were so special.

By the time he reached Ash’s ankles, Ash was letting out whispered pleas as he humped the mattress, desperate for some relief. Joshua laughed then reached for his nightstand drawer. When he pulled out the bottle of lube, Ash thought All right, now we’ll be getting down to things. But instead, Joshua tossed the bottle onto the bed. Ash let out a little whimper as he bit the pillow in frustration.

“Soon, my little Hawk, I promise,” Joshua said.

Ash was about to voice his protest when he felt the cheeks of his ass being separated. Before he could even draw in a breath, he felt the velvet glide of Joshua’s tongue rimming his hole. Ash cried out as pleasure spiked its way through his body.

Joshua swirled his tongue around again before spearing it inside. Ash felt himself thrusting back in a silent plea for more and Joshua answered. It went on for what seemed like forever, but not long enough. Then Ash felt the cool touch of a slick finger probing his entrance. He’d been so caught up in the rim job that he hadn’t even noticed Joshua grabbing the bottle.

Joshua thrust the finger inside. Ash yelled both in relief and in pleasure. By then, his cock was so hard that he knew it wouldn’t take long and he just prayed that he lasted long enough for Joshua to get inside him. The last thing Ash wanted to do was ruin their first time by creaming the bed before things even got good. Talk about a whomp whomp moment.

Joshua added a second finger, gently working them in and out, stretching Ash. While the intent was all nice and good, Ash was going into red alert mode. “Ah, Joshua, you may want to get to fucking me, now.”

“Why is that?”

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to come before your cock gets into my ass.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

A sweat began to build up on Ash’s body. “Trust me, you’re hurting me more by not fucking me at this point.”

Joshua laughed. “I’d almost forgotten what a brat you are at times.”

He did pull out his fingers, got undressed and slicked up his cock, so Ash decided to let the brat comment slide—this time. Grabbing Ash by the hips, Joshua lined up his cock and entered Ash in one fluid thrust.

They both moaned in unison. There was a slight burn, but Ash welcomed it because he knew there would be pleasure following it. Sure enough, as soon as Joshua began to move, spirals of bliss curled their way up Ash’s body.

“Oh God, just like that, don’t stop,” Ash pleaded.

That seemed to be all the prompting Joshua needed, or maybe it was the overwhelming need to claim his mate, because he pounded into Ash like a man possessed.

“You’re mine now,” Joshua declared.

“I was always yours,” Ash replied, his voice high-pitched from trying to keep control.

Finally, it became too much and he came, completely untouched, his spunk shooting off onto the sheets under them. Joshua continued to thrust into Ash for a few more moments until he finally gave one more push and came, his cum filling Ash’s ass.

Joshua rolled off Ash and collapsed on his back. Ash fell to the side and basically laid on top of Joshua in order to avoid the dreaded…dum, dum, dum, dum,…wet spot.

Ash snuggled into Joshua. “I smell like you now. How long will it last?”

“Since I plan on us having a lot of sex, for the rest of our lives,” Joshua said.

“I like the sounds of that,” Ash said with a happy sigh.

“So, does this mean you’re really going to move in with me?”

“Are you kidding? I’ll pack up my stuff first thing in the morning.”

“Won’t you miss living with your cast?”

Ash shook his head. “Not if it means I get to be with you.”

They linked fingers and were silent for a while.

“You do know they’re going to send me back in the field as soon as I’m cleared medically,” Ash said.

Joshua sighed, “I know. I don’t like it though. I think you’ve already sacrificed enough for the coalition and cast.”

“But, it’s what I do—it’s what we do, Joshua. We save lives. I just do mine out there, while you do it here. Besides if we want to get technical, most of the times I got hurt were in the infirmary. From my standpoint, I’m safer out in the field.”

“I worry about you.”

“I know you do, and I love you for that, but you have to let me do this. It’s my responsibility. If I don’t do it, it’ll make me look weak to the rest of the cast, and I know you don’t want that,” Ash explained patiently.

Joshua groaned. “Why did you have to pick this time to be rational?”

Ash tilted up his head and kissed Joshua’s jaw. “I promise to always come home to you.”

“That’s a promise you can’t make, and we both know it.”

“Maybe not, but I can do my best. Now that I have you, I have something to live for, so that will only make me fight all the harder.”





Chapter Ten





“Do you have all your body armor on securely?” Joshua asked for what had to be the millionth time.

Ash sighed, more than happy to indulge him. He knew how worried his mate was. In the three months that they’d officially been together, the day that Joshua had been dreading the most was finally here. Ash was finally going out in the field, and he could tell that Joshua was a bundle of nerves.

Ash reached up and cupped the back of Joshua’s head, then brought him down for a brief kiss. “I checked and double-checked everything. Don’t worry.”

Joshua gave him an irritated glare. “How can I not worry? You’re going out into battle, and you could get hurt or worse.”

“I told you I would come back to you,” Ash reminded him.

“Yes, I just want to make sure it’s in one piece.”

“I’ll make sure that I don’t come back as your patient, as your bedside manner really does suck.”

Joshua grunted. “So I’ve been told.”

“You really do need to work on it. Maybe I’ll buy you a book on it. Something like Chicken Soup for the Bedside Manner.”

“I don’t think they have that book out there.”

“Why not?” Ash shrugged. “They have one for everything else.”

“Hey, Ash!” Isaac called. “It’s time to go!”

Ash gave Joshua one last kiss. “See you on the other side.”

“Just make sure to get back here soon. I don’t like to be left worrying about you,” Joshua said as he held Ash in a tight embrace.

Ash detangled himself and ran to join the others in the back of the van. He managed to wedge himself between Isaac and Gregg. This mission was going to be similar to so many others that the teams had been going on lately, go in and rescue small groups of shifters who were being held by slavers.

The thing was, it was a tricky process. Since the place was so heavily guarded on the outside, they had to literally secure the place from the inside out. That way the slavers didn’t kill the captives before the coalition members had time to get inside to rescue them. That’s where the assassins came into play. They would go inside and kill the guards first, secure the slaves, and then wait while Ash’s team took care of the guards on the outside.

Simple and easy…right? Yeah, if it weren’t for the fact that they had bullets flying their way, and one couldn’t forget those pesky grenades, either. Wouldn’t want to leave those out.

Just as the van started to leave, Isaac started humming, pretty soon the entire van picked up the tune, and before Ash knew it, they were all singing his signature song, the opening song to the Flash Gordon movie. He laughed as he joined in. He’d almost forgotten how much he loved being on a team like this.

It took about an hour to get to the location, and by the time they arrived, they were all so worked up, they practically burst from the back of the van. They were immediately met with a hail of enemy gunfire.

Ash took cover with Isaac and Gregg behind a SUV, the fact that they were all laughing showed just how much adrenaline was pumping through their bodies. Not that they were crazy or anything—much.

“It looks like it’s going to be an easy one. They don’t have much muscle out front. Just a few guards. Word is that the assassins have already secured the inside, even though it’s only Shane and Ackley on duty,” Isaac reported in.

So far, Shane hadn’t had any luck finding a sole assassin willing to come work for the coalition. He was still working on it, and Mitchell was standing firm on not letting Shane promote Andrew to the position.

Ash moved out of position and squeezed off a few shots, taking out two of the enemy. When he narrowly avoided getting shot himself, he told the others, “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell Joshua about that.”

The others held up their hands.

“Like I would tell the doc that,” Isaac said. “I like to keep my head on its shoulders, thank you very much.”

“Yeah,” Gregg agreed. “I’m not going to be the one to piss him off. I already do that enough without meaning to.”

All of the sudden, out of nowhere, a Hyena appeared and leapt at them. Reacting out of instinct brought on by hours of training, Ash shot it midair. They all let out cries of protest when they were covered in blood and gore as it came raining down on them.

“Damn, Ash, you mean business, don’t you?” Isaac said as he wiped some blood off his face.

“I promised Joshua I would come home, and I mean to keep the promise,” Ash said in a determined voice.

“Yeah, but did you have to give us a gore bath. We look like extras from a horror flick,” Gregg bitched.

“You love it, and you know it. It makes you look badass. The guys will think it makes you look sexy,” Ash said.

“Really?” Gregg asked, brightening up.

Ash shrugged. “I don’t know. I was just trying to get you to stop whining.”

Gregg leaned over and fired off a couple shots, taking out one of the guards. “Not cool, Ash. You hurt my tender feelings. I think you’ve been hanging out with the doc too much.”

“Probably,” Ash agreed as he took out another guard.

By that point, the number of guards left had gotten down to just a handful. The remaining enemy threw down their weapons and ran off, leaving the slave compound unguarded.

Ash cocked his head to the side. “Look at that. They don’t want to play with us anymore.”

They went inside and helped Shane and Ackley secure the slaves and free them. The captives would be taken to the infirmary and looked over, then placed in safe locations until they decided where they wanted to live or were reunited with their families.

Of course, the moment Shane got one look at Ash, he had to make a comment. “Kid, you look like you took a bath in some Hyena stew. What in the hell happened to you?”

Isaac hooked a thumb in Ash’s direction. “Einstein, here, decided to use a large caliber gun on an attacking Hyena just as it was in the air right above us.”

Shane gave a wicked grin, showing his approval. “Nice. I like your style, Ash.”

Isaac shook his head. “That wasn’t meant as a compliment.”

Shane was already walking away. One of the commanders came up to the trio. “I want you three to go to decontamination right now.”

They all let out a moan, but did as they were told.



* * * *



Joshua paced the floor as he watched all the other team members slowly trickle in, yet there was still no sign of Ash.

What in the hell was taking so long? The fact that he had yet to see Isaac and Gregg either gave him a sense of comfort, yet worried him at the same time. Maybe their team was one of the last to come out. Or perhaps something had happened to all three of them. The possibilities were endless. Joshua ran a hand through his long hair and let out a sigh.

Luckily, thus far, there weren’t any wounded, so he wasn’t needed in the infirmary, so he could wait for Ash out front. He heard that there were a few still coming in that were wounded, but they didn’t say how badly they were hurt or who they were. Joshua couldn’t help but worry that one of them was his mate.

Finally, he spotted Shane. Grabbing the assassin by the arm, Joshua asked, “Have you seen Ash? Is he okay?”

Shane looked down to where Joshua was holding him, but otherwise didn’t comment on it. “He’s fine. He just got covered in a ton of Hyena guts and had to get decontaminated. He should be along any minute now.”

Joshua let out a sigh and his shoulders sagged in relief. His mate was safe—this time. Letting go of Shane’s arm, he said, “Thank you.”

“It doesn’t get any easier, you know.”

“What doesn’t?”

“You don’t think I piss kittens every time Trevor has to go out on a mission?”

Joshua paused. He’d never thought about it that way. There were a ton of other mated couples who were soldiers. Yet they somehow managed. “How do you get through it?”

“You just have to learn how to let go and let them do their duty. It’s hard for Trevor, too, but we both know that we have a job to do.”

“But Ash has already been through so much as it is,” Joshua argued.

Shane gave him a probing look. “You’re one of the few people I can actually be around for more than five minutes without wanting to kill, so I’m going to be straight with you. If somebody told you that you couldn’t be a doctor anymore, how would you take it?”

“I would be pissed,” Joshua admitted.

“That’s the same thing that you’re doing to Ash. He’s a trained field medic, and he’s damned good at it, too. In fact, he’s one of the best I’ve ever seen, and that goes a long way since I hate to give compliments. So if you really care for him, you won’t take this away from him.” With those parting words of wisdom, Shane turned and left.

Joshua shook his head. Just when he thought that Shane was a one-dimensional killer, the guy had to go and surprise him. It went to show that sometimes looks could be deceiving. Shane saw a lot more than people gave him credit for.

Finally, Ash came into view. He was dressed in a plain uniform instead of all the body armor, and his hair was slicked back from being wet. As soon as he saw Joshua, his face broke out into a grin, and he came running in Joshua’s direction.

Joshua opened his arms and Ash all but jumped into his embrace. “I told you I would come back, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did, mate.”

“Sorry, I was late. I kind of made a mess of myself, and they made me clean up before they would let me back in the van. We do need to get our asses to the infirmary. They’re bringing in some wounded.”

“Is it serious wounds?”

“No, mostly flesh wounds. Nothing that’s life-threatening.”

“Then let the others handle it. I just want to hold you for a moment longer,” Joshua said as he rubbed his face against the nape of Ash’s neck.

The shower they’d given him had washed away some of his scent, and he wanted to get it back on. Besides, if things got too out of hand, Jacyn would page him so Joshua wasn’t worried.

“You’re doing it again, aren’t you?” Ash asked as he tilted his head to the side.

“What?” Joshua asked as he kissed and rubbed all over Ash’s face and throat.

“Stamping me as your personal property.”

“Yes, does it bother you?”

“No, I love it. I just wish we had time to go to our living quarters, so you could do it properly.”

Just the thought of rubbing all over Ash’s body had Joshua hard with need. “Oh, I’ll be doing that tonight. Just as soon as our shift is over. You can bet on that.”

Ash let out a moan. “Now I’m going to be horny for the rest of the day. You are so unfair.”

“I promise to take good care of you all night long. Does that help any?”

“No, it doesn’t, and you know that.”

The overhead speaker came to life and Jacyn’s voice sounded, “Doctor Featherstone to the infirmary.”

“Great, looks like that’s our cue,” Ash said.

He grabbed Joshua’s hand, and they raced toward the infirmary. Once they got there, they dove in and began to help with the wounded. Kallen was up and hard at work, having recovered from his injuries. He waved hello, before getting back to work.

Time passed quickly as it always did when they were busy, and before Joshua knew it, all the patients were taken care of and it was late. The cafeteria staff thoughtfully brought in food for everybody to eat. Ash attacked it like he hadn’t eaten in ages, and Joshua couldn’t help but remember the time when he had to force the Hawk to eat.

How far they’d come in such a short time. Joshua couldn’t help but smile as he watched his mate eat and joke around with the rest of the staff. His little fireball had come back, and Joshua couldn’t be happier. More so, Joshua had learned to love on his own terms, something that he never thought was possible. And it was all thanks to Ash.

Once they had their fill of food, Joshua grabbed Ash, but instead of taking him to their room, he led him to the roof. It had become their special place. They went up there, and Joshua held Ash close to his chest as they both looked out at the stars.

“I am so lucky to have you,” Joshua said.

“Funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you,” Ash admitted.

“Do you know I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you?”

Ash snorted. “You could have fooled me. You yelled at me that day for not taking care of a patient properly.”

“That was only because I was scared to death because I was head over heels for you, and I wanted to push you away.”

“Well, it worked for a while. Then I started to fall for you, too. At first, I thought I must be crazy because I thought you hated me. I was sure I had a sadistic streak or something.”

Joshua kissed the top of Ash’s head. “I’m so sorry for all those things I said to you then.”

“You already apologized, remember? It’s done and forgotten. It’s in the past. I’m just looking forward to our future.”

Joshua put his fingers under Ash’s chin and tipped his head up so he could kiss him. “Our future. I like the sound of that.”

“So do I. It’s going to be a long one, too. Don’t worry about me going out in the field. I’m always careful, and I have Isaac and Gregg at my back.”

“I know you do. I won’t lie, I’ll always worry, but I know it’s what you love to do, so you go ahead and do it. I promise not to stand in your way.”

Ash gave him that dazzling smile of his. “I have the most amazing mate ever.”

“No, I do. It’s my little fireball.”

Before Ash could argue, Joshua silenced him the only way he knew how. He gave him a tender kiss. As always, Ash gave in, his hands going to Joshua’s shoulders.

Once they parted, Joshua said, “Oh, and by the way, you are never getting your F or L because you will always be my precious Ash.”

“That’s okay,” Ash said, “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”