Do Not Forsake Me(47)

Evie nodded, wiping at more tears. “He said he believes his mother lives inside of me. That makes me so happy. He even told me her full name. I’ve never even known what it was. All you ever told me was her first name, because you gave it to me.”

“I never told you because it hurts him too much to hear it, and he was afraid if you knew it, you’d ask more about her. It’s very hard for him to talk about, because it means bringing up his father.”

Evie nodded. “He told me what happened. I never thought he’d tell me himself. He didn’t know I already knew about it.” Evie took a handkerchief from a pocket in her skirt. “Mother, if he’d just open up about things, it would help people truly understand him better. Maybe having that reporter write a book about him will help. It will make him talk about things he normally never talks about. It seems like it’s already making all of us talk about things we never did before.”

“I don’t know if that’s good or bad. Some things are so deeply hurtful, Evie, that the person hurting has to choose his own time and place to talk about them, if at all.” Randy grasped her hands as Evie got up, and they embraced. “You’d better go home now. Tomorrow things will be even better. You can bring Little Jake over so he can see his grandpa is just fine, and Jake in turn can see his imp of a grandson is still in one piece.”

Evie nodded. “Are you all right alone with Daddy? He said he didn’t trust himself yet—something about floating between this world and a darker one.”

“I can handle Jake, Evie. Surely you know that by now.”

Evie leaned down and kissed her father’s cheek. “I’ve never seen him like this.”

“After twenty-six years together, I’ve never seen him quite this bad either.”

Evie embraced her once more. “Are you sure you don’t want me to send Brian over right now?”

“Yes. I’ll be sure to come and get him if I think it’s necessary. I think I’d like to be alone with Jake.”

“If you say so.” Evie left, rather reluctantly. Randy followed her to the door and bolted it. She walked into the kitchen and took down Jake’s rifle from the rack, where someone had put it after Tobe took it off Jake’s horse and brought it to the house. She checked to see that it was loaded, then carried it to the bedroom, worried about the fact that there were still Buckley and Bryant family members left who would not be happy about what had happened.

She laid the rifle on the floor on her side of the bed, then undressed and pulled on a flannel gown. She felt suddenly exhausted herself. She turned down the oil lamp near the bed and carefully crawled into bed, moving beside Jake and putting an arm over his chest to make sure he was still breathing.

He stirred and moved one hand up to grasp her arm.

“You’re awake?” she asked softly.

“Where’s Evie?” His voice sounded so weak, so unlike Jake Harkner.

“She went home, Jake. She feels much better after talking to you. Everyone is gone and you need to get more sleep.”

He lightly squeezed her arm and managed to open his eyes, turning his head slightly to look at her. He sighed. “If I’m dead, I must be in heaven, because I just saw you and Evie…but how in hell did I make it to heaven?”

“God put you here,” Randy answered. “It’s his punishment, because in heaven you’ll have to listen to my nagging for the rest of your eternal life.”

“Never thought of it that way. That…would be more like hell.” He stirred more. “What time is it?”

“For you, it doesn’t matter. Go back to sleep. You must lie still, Jake.”

“…mi querida…esposa,” he mumbled. “Lo siento. Favor perdóname.”

Randy leaned closer and kissed his cheek. “What on earth do I need to forgive you for?”

“Everything…everything…for being…who I am.”

“I love you for who you are, Jake Harkner. Go to sleep.” Randy wiped at silent tears, still shaken at coming so close to losing him. Please, God, not yet. Not yet. I need him so.

The nagging, intermittent pain deep in her belly was still there, though usually it was gone quicker than this. She was so intent on helping Jake that she’d decided to continue with her secret. Brian was worn-out. She hated burdening others. She thanked God Jake was still with her. He’d predicted once that he would never die of old-age ailments. I’ll go down with guns blazing, or from a bullet in the back. Be ready for it, Randy, because we will never know when it’s coming.

She kissed the strong arm around her, and in his sleep he pulled her even closer.