Discovering Dalton(5)

Troy had low self-esteem anyway, despite how many times Liam told him he was a catch and anyone would be proud to have him. He was Liam, Troy’s best friend, he had to say that.

Maybe Troy had gone too far on the ink work covering him, but he loved it, and people were attracted to it… In the beginning. It kind of wore off after a while. His lifestyle, the ink, the bike, the bad background, Liam… It didn’t suit a lot of people, and some even chose to never introduce him to friends because of it. Those he let go and didn’t look back. He didn’t want to be hidden away like some secret. He was proud about everything he’d done to his body. He was like a living piece of artwork and he showed it off whenever he got the chance.

He looked up and down his left leg, the ink starting from his foot and working around his calf all the way up his thigh. A long, intricate sleeve of bright colours, ranging from oriental flowers to dragons and butterflies. He’d designed it himself, taken hours of drawing out and measuring them so they fitted together perfectly.

It was an accomplishment to have his leg completed, but when it was, Troy found he wanted more, so he continued. The design now flowed up his left hip and covered all of his back and he was planning on continuing it down his left arm. He’d decided one side was enough… well, he said that now, but in another year or so when he’d finished, he may begin to look at the bare expanse of skin on his right side more longingly.

Liam tapped his head gruffly, pulling him out of his daydreams. “You ready to go, or you going to sit there and wonder what else you can fit on that leg?”

“I could fit something else on there somewhere.” Troy grinned as he stood. “Not that I will. It’s perfect. It will look overcrowded if I add anything else to the design. I like it as it is. My arm on the other hand is in dire need of more colours.”

“You’ll be covered from head to foot in ten years,” Liam hollered over his shoulder as he walked off.

Troy caught him up, jumping over the short wall surrounding the pub’s garden, and joined Liam sauntering down the crowded path, people giving them the space they needed and jumping out of their way. Troy smiled at Liam’s proud look. He loved having that effect on people. “Will you hate it if I do?”

“What?” Liam looked over shoulder, raising a brow.

“If I chose to cover everything with ink, would you still go out with me, call me brother?” Troy rolled his eyes.

Despite growing up together, and being so close, he didn’t really consider them brothers. Best friends, soulmates, whatever, but brother just stuck in his throat. It was easier to refer to Liam as brother to others, but calling him it directly never happened. All the kids he knew growing up who had brothers or sisters hated them most of the time and tried to keep away from them, but Liam and Troy always preferred each other’s company to their friends.

“Why would I deny you?” Liam bumped shoulders and smiled. “I can’t think of one reason why I would. It’s you, no matter what you do to your body, it will always be you, Troy. Besides, I like it. You know I do.”

Troy nudged their shoulders together this time, a wide smile playing on his thick lips. “Thanks. You always say the right things.”

“I’ve had years of practise. I think I got everything wrong for years. Now I know what I should say.”

“Do you say it to keep me quiet, or do you mean it?”

“Of course I mean it, divvy. I'd never lie to you. That’s why we work out so well, because we always tell each other the truth. However you're happy in life, I'm happy. That’s why we're out now, finding someone to make you happy.”

Troy rolled his shoulders and looked at his feet pounding on the path. Liam knew him better than himself sometimes, but he was right about one thing, he couldn’t be alone for long, and yes, he’d met someone on the rebound, but it hadn't worked out and Troy was sick of failing so badly in relationships. “The only thing I wanted to do tonight was stay at home and be with you. I don’t need all this, Liam. I would have been happier sitting on the terrace with you and the ice bucket full of beers. Beers which we didn’t have to wait in line for twenty minutes and pay through the nose for.” He took hold of Liam’s arm and they stopped walking, Liam turning to look into his eyes. “You make me happy.”

“I know… and I love making you happy, but you need to get out, forget about everything.”

“Let’s be honest, you need to come out because you can’t deal with being home with me. You hate it, so here we are. You always do this. You drag me out, say how you want me to enjoy it, spend time with me, and what do you do? You fuck off with someone and leave me alone. I hate that. I really don’t know why I bother.”

“I do not. I leave you with someone and when I come back you’ve fucked them off, preferring to be on your own.”

“I hate all the men I meet in clubs. It’s just random hook-ups, nothing else. I'm looking for more.”

“Well, I don’t need more. I got you for that.” Liam folded his arms over his chest and stared sternly at Troy.

“We share an apartment. We’re roommates with a long background. Surely you cannot be happy with that. Don’t you want more?”

“More?” Liam leaned against the wall to another bar, the crowds working their way past them barely registering on their radar. They lived most of their lives in a bubble which only had enough room for the two of them. No matter where, or who, they were with, it never changed. “More what?”

“More in general. Love for one thing. Don’t you want to know what it feels like to be loved?” Troy did, he was desperate to be the most important thing in someone’s world. He’d never had that, well, not counting Terry and Alice, but that wasn’t the type of love he was looking for.

“So, you don’t feel loved?” Liam's hazel, honey coloured eyes met his and Troy groaned.

“You know what I'm talking about. I want to find someone who I can have what we have but more. I want to be loved, Liam. I want to be important. I want to be the first thought when someone wakes and the last thing before they go to bed. I want to be important to someone.”

Liam shook his head, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “You're important. Not just to me, but to all your friends. They all love you, and yes, I know that’s not the type of love you want, but it all counts. Anyone who doesn’t see just how amazing you are doesn’t deserve one millisecond of your time.” Liam curled his hand around the back of Troy's neck and looked into his eyes. “Not one man you’ve brought through our door has been worthy of your time or your body, Troy. Not one. Maybe it’s time you loved yourself instead of waiting for someone else to do it for you. You only see worth in you through someone else. You don’t have to use others to validate how great you are, just believe it yourself.”

Troy brushed Liam’s hand off him and began walking again, dragging his feet on the pavement as he worked through the wave of heat running through him. He hated and loved Liam at times because, no matter how much Troy wanted to wave off his words and forget about them, he couldn’t because they were true. He didn’t love himself. He liked aspects about himself, but not love.

He felt like he needed someone beside him who he looked up to, someone who he believed when they told him how talented he was, what a great sense of humour he had, how they loved his big heart. Even when he was told how good he was in bed it made Troy feel elated. Every positive word made him bloom. Alone, he’d none of that. Well, not counting Liam, but he was always with Troy, always trying to get him to believe in himself more.

Despite everything, Liam never gave up on him like all the other men. He was always there through all the shit stuff and the good. Liam was the one constant in his life which Troy sometimes took for granted, but he’d be lost without him.

“I believe in you, Troy, even when you don’t. That won't change.” Liam wrapped his arm around Troy’s waist and smiled down at him. “And no matter what, I won't ever stop loving you.”

“You're just a big softy at heart, aren’t you?” Troy leaned into him, tapping their heads together lightly. “Thanks. I don’t know what I'd do without you.”

“I dread to think.” Liam brushed a soft kiss on his forehead, then grabbed Troy’s neck in his calloused hand, and before Troy knew what had happened, they were at another bar, the music deafening him and the queue for the booze making him sigh. “Just one.”

“Just one, Liam. One!”





Chapter 4



Dalton made it back home at around eight. He was arriving home later and later, probably an attempt to keep away from the house and the disagreements he and Kelly were bound to have. So far it had been almost six months since he found out she was seeing someone behind his back.

Three months went by before he uttered a word out loud to anyone, and then when he did, it just slipped out to Milo. Of course, Milo pushed him to confront the situation head on, but right then Dalton hadn't been in the right frame of mind to talk about his failings. He already felt so low and the weight he gained while he internalised his anger and pain only made things worse.