Discovering Dalton(29)

Troy pulled out into the main road, edging his way into rush hour traffic which was surrounding them. “He blamed me for him going away. It was my testimony that swayed the jury’s decision about him being guilty. All of his past violence, they took it all into account. With no murder weapon and him living in the house and admitting to giving her a beating before he left, his fingerprints were everywhere. No one saw him.”

Liam held his thigh as he drove, massaging it gently. “I'm pretty sure even without you there they would have found him guilty. Who else would kill her? They had no reason. It was him. He went too far. Any jury would have found him guilty.”

“That’s not how he saw it. He blamed me. Shouted it down the court. You were there, you remember what he said.” Troy slid his gaze to Liam.

“I know.” Liam looked out of his window, both of them living through the verdict and remembering how vicious his dad had been to Troy. All of the court and the people in there watched as he was dragged kicking and screaming, swearing to get Troy back for lying like he’d done. “You didn’t lie. You told them what happened and what you saw while you grew up. Everything else was evidence which the police found. It was him who killed her, and he just thought he’d get away with it like he’d been doing all his life, but that time, people believed you. They helped.”

“And what about now? Will the police help now? Will I be protected? Because by the sound of it, he’s got some pretty good rights around his own safety. We have no right to know where he is, or to know what he’s doing. But he knows where I am. Knows where the gym is. Our life is pretty much the same as it was when he went inside. It won't take much to find me.”

“Even if he was stupid enough to risk going back inside, which I doubt, he wouldn’t come looking for you, Troy. He’s been inside ten years, all he wants is to live outside of those walls. Ten years is a long time. You never know, maybe all that shit the solicitor just told us about his rehabilitation is true and he’s a changed man. Now, I know that won't make you want to see him, but maybe it will allow you some trust that your life isn’t going to be on the line when he does get out.”

Troy nodded, not convincingly, but he didn’t want to appear stubborn. He was just afraid. It was an old fear, born from childish emotions, one which had always been around when his dad was there. It was ingrained deep within him—part of his bones.

It had been six long months from the funeral to when the guilty verdict had been handed out and his dad was put away, and in that time, Troy had mourned his mum, gone to counselling, worked through some of his fears, but having his dad inside and knowing he would be there for a very long time gave him breathing space.

Looking back, Troy put the fact his dad would be free one day out of his mind, and continued on with life, thinking they would be forever separated by bars and gates—big walls and lots of prison guards. But reality was kicking in, and Troy knew he would have to face a few more demons from his past in the coming months.

“I’ll be with you the whole time, Troy. Just like when he got put away, just like I was when the police brought you back home to Terry’s after you’d found your mum. I'm always going to be here for you.”

Troy half smiled, wet eyes rimmed red with the emotion he was holding back. “We’ve not spoken a word in almost four days.”

“So what, we’ve gone longer when we were kids. This is nothing.” Liam ran a hand over Troy’s hair, brushing back a few strands as he watched Troy smile. “Nothing’s changed since Derrick gave us both that stupid speech. They just don’t get us, that’s all.”

“I don’t get us sometimes.” Troy let Liam rest his heavy palm on the back of his neck, comforting squeezes making him press his neck backwards, searching for more contact. “Like it or not, Liam, this is a relationship. We go elsewhere for sex, but this right here, this is everything else a good relationship should have. The question I ask myself, that I've asked myself for a few years now, is what type of a relationship we have.”

Liam patted his shoulder a couple of times before he withdrew his hand, rubbing his face gruffly then looking out of the window again. “I don’t know what it’s like to have a relationship, T. I have nothing to compare it to. You do, but those pricks you see don’t treat you like they should do, so don’t go comparing us to them.” He turned around and looked right into Troy’s eyes for a second before he watched the road again. “Are you happy with how things are between us?”

“Yeah.” Troy was and wasn’t happy, but no relationship, whatever kind of relationship, be it between parents and children, siblings, lovers, no relationship was perfect and without flaws.

“So am I. I don’t want to risk losing what we have.”

“What if by keeping what we have, you risk losing what you could have with someone else? Someone who you can find everything you want in one person.”

Liam shrugged, folding his arms across his broad chest and looking at the traffic ahead. “I’d never have to choose you over someone else. That’s not going to happen. Even if I did meet someone…” Liam paused for a few long seconds, and Troy thought of his new guy. This Dee which Liam wouldn’t talk about. “Well, you and me are still going to be right where we are today. Together.”

Troy gave him a quick stroke on the arm before turning off the main road and down their street. Liam didn’t get how difficult it was for a partner to understand how close they were, or not be jealous of the love they felt towards each other. Troy had first, second, and third hand experience of it. If things went on with Liam’s new guy, then maybe Liam would see it for himself and re-think things.

So far, neither of them had enough of a reason to change their life. The other people who’d come and gone in Troy’s life weren’t the one. Troy felt for them, and he wanted more, but ultimately, even if it was offered, he couldn’t choose between them and Liam. He refused to do it, and slowly things with his partners would peter out and die.

Okay, not all of them ended because of that, some were arseholes who used him. Some of them who took time out to get know him, found out Troy was a softy, and not what they originally thought. Troy could think of at least three men who’d offered more with him, but they couldn’t deal with Liam interfering or taking Troy away from them. They felt left out, and with good reason.

Troy and Liam came as a matching pair, like salt and pepper shakers. You couldn’t have one without the other or the whole table just looked off.

Maybe they would each find a person who accepted their friendship and closeness for what it was and let them enjoy life, but Troy doubted a person existed who would be happy with their arrangement.

Troy parked up the car outside their apartment block and looked over to Liam. “You remember when we were at school and the other kids would play with us, join in our games? Then one or two would come back with us for dinner after school? We’d let them get so far into our life, and then it was over. We liked it just been us two. Everyone else just took time away from us doing what we wanted to.”

Liam partially lifted his brow, obviously questioning where this was going.

“That’s what we’re still doing, Liam. Don’t you see it? Your hook ups, my failed attempts at finding someone. We let them play around with us, come home for dinner now and then, but when it really comes down to it, we prefer our own company than theirs, and it shows. They see it. We feel like they’re intruding, and that’s it. It’s over with them, and we go back to just being us two until the next willing person comes along and it starts all over again.”

Liam didn’t say anything, but Troy knew he understood. He had to.

“We’ve always been jealous of each other’s friends. I guess I haven’t had to put up with much jealousy towards who you see because you don’t really take them seriously, so I don’t either. Yeah, it irritates me listening to you with them, but you don’t act like I do.”

“You mean, practically moving them in as soon as you meet them?” Liam began to shuffle out of the cramped space, sighing when the door sprung open and he could stretch out. “I don’t like any of the guys you bring over. They’re pricks.”

“Not all of them, Liam. You're the one who acts like a prick to them.”

“It’s my fucking place.”

“Mine too.” Troy shot back as they glared at each other over the roof of the car.

“If I were to bring anyone home and sit him down with us, invite him into our home and join in what we did, you’d hate it like I do with your men. You just said so. Sex in my room is one thing, but then they fuck off home when I’ve done. And if it did happen, he wouldn’t be someone I just met. If I brought someone back and introduced you to him, then he wouldn’t be just some fuck. That’s different.”

“And what about this Dee person? Is he being invited over anytime soon?”

Liam laughed as he input the security code to the lobby’s security pad. “You just won’t let him go, will you?”