Dirty Little Secrets(21)

The other boyfriends, the line of guys who I’d dated, some of whom I’d slept with, they’d all been a line of losers too, right?

Come off it, you fucking loser. You’re an idiot. Think about it. Which is more likely, that you’re fucked up or that every man in your life since the time you were born has been nothing but a fucking bastard? Especially since you know for sure that Kade isn’t. Honey, if there was any man in the world that you could know one hundred percent for sure is a good man, it’s Kade. You’ve never heard anyone say anything bad about him, ever. The Pope has more detractors than Kade Prescott. And you go and throw yourself at him like some common slut.

Tears formed in my eyes, and I watched them stain the concrete between my feet in a gentle rain. I don’t know how long I sat there like that, but the next thing I was aware of was a hand on my shoulder. I looked up with reckless hope, knowing even from the texture of the skin of the fingertips that it wasn’t Kade.

Instead, it was an older woman, maybe in her fifties or sixties, the same one who had teased her husband when I had first hugged Kade. “Honey, are you all right?”

“Yeah,” I said, wiping at my eyes and trying to smile. It didn’t pay to show weakness in Los Angeles, even to kindly looking older ladies. “Just things went a bit pear-shaped, as my Aussie friend likes to say.”

The woman nodded and casually sat down next to me, not even asking for permission. I looked around and saw the man she had been with (Gerald, maybe?) standing on the other side of the pier, leaning on the railing and looking out at the seagulls that constantly circled the water. “You know, I was so surprised when I saw you sitting there crying, I had to stop. Gerald says I’m too much of a nosy Nellie, but I can’t help it. It’s just in my nature I guess. I’m the sort that if I see a kitten stuck in a tree, I go and get a ladder to help, even though everyone knows that once it’s hungry enough, the kitten will get itself out of there. I’m guessing you had a problem with your boyfriend we saw earlier?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I corrected her, shaking my head. “He’s just . . . he’s just my stepbrother.”

The woman, I remembered now her name was Jayne, gave me a surprised glance before looking down at her hands. “I wouldn’t have known, honestly. You two looked like the most perfect couple I’ve seen in a long time. You two looked complete together, if you know what I mean.”

I guffawed silently to keep back the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks again. “I didn’t mean to. I was just there, and one thing led to another.”

“One thing leads to another often in life, dear,” Jayne said. “Sometimes, that chain of events can lead to disaster. But they can also lead to great things. I was serious, that young man you were with, he looked at you with a look on his face that told me everything I needed to know. He feels for you.”

“Then why did he run away like I’m disgusting?” I half whispered, half wailed.

Jayne shrugged. “There could be many reasons, dear. Do you think it had anything to do with your stepbrother? I don’t mean to pry, but how long have you known each other?”

“About eight years,” I replied. “Our parents started dating when I was thirteen. But we’ve been living separate lives most of the time.”

She nodded. “Let me give you some advice, from someone who’s been around the sun a few more times than you have. Love is a crazy thing, and can come from almost anywhere. But it is also very, very fragile. You say eight years, but there’s a lot that you may not know about him. Does he know everything about you?”

I shook my head. After all, Kade knew nothing about my situation with Sydney. He just gave me the money after a short talk. “No.”

“Then you don’t know everything about him. We all have secrets and dark corners of our life that we feel the need to protect, either from ourselves or from the view of others. But love, love is like a light that shines into those dark corners if you let it. The question is, are you willing to go after that love, and let those dark corners of your life be illuminated?”

I nodded without even thinking. Jayne smiled. “Then go after him. Give him some time to think, and you think too, but go after him.”

I smiled in return, some of my despair lifting. “You don’t think it’s weird that him and I are . . . you know?”

“Why should I?” Jayne said. She looked over at Gerald, then back at me. “Love can start in all sorts of unusual situations.”

I looked from the Jayne to Gerald, and saw something that made them more beautiful than I had ever felt, despite the gray hairs and wrinkles on both of them. “Thank you,” I said, wiping my face. “I understand.”