Dirty Little Secrets(20)

Alix laughed and shook her head. “No, I’d know that if you were. I’m a bit naive, I’ll admit that, but being in fashion modeling for five years, you quickly develop a very sharp gaydar. It helps to know, it avoids potential awkward situations.”

I had to give it to her there. “I guess I’ve never had a certain type,” I said, feeling for the first time like I was the one being questioned, but not minding it at all. “I mean, I’ve dated all sorts of women.”

“Bull crap Kade,” Alix laughed, teasing me. “Come on, every guy has a type. I’m not saying you wouldn’t date a girl who’s a ten in any particular category. And I don’t mean mentally. Personalities come in any type of container, and can always trump a body, at least to me, and I think to you too. But if you had your druthers, everything else being equal, what’s your type?”

I don’t know why I said what I did. Maybe it was the sun, maybe it was the fact that I had spent the day being more impressed with Alix than I was frustrated. I don’t know. But I told her the utter, undeniable truth. “Tall, blonde, blue eyes, soft and plump lips . . . an English Rose type with beautiful curves and silky, smooth skin. What about you?”

We stopped walking. Alix turned to me, and was silent a moment before speaking. “Tall, dark hair, handsome, athletic but not bulky, chiseled jaw, you know the kind,” she said, reaching up and tracing my jawline.

Our faces came closer, like it was as natural as breathing. In front of me was the most beautiful woman in the world, and I could see in her eyes that she was attracted to me. My hands came to rest on her waist, so narrow and fragile I could barely believe it, her big, blue eyes looking up into mine.

The kiss was the most sensual thing I’d ever felt in my life to that point. Her lips were even softer than they looked, almost melting against me. My body thrilled at the touch, as if a circuit had been completed. In that instant, I knew that, beyond all other doubts, Alix was the woman I was meant to be with, that no other woman in the world would compare to her.

But when Alix’s tongue hesitantly reached out to touch mine, a cold fire surged through my brain. All of the dark fantasies I’d lied to myself about, all of the ways that I had wanted to chastise Alix, to bend her over, to engage in the violent passions that tore at my soul, all of those images from my dreams that I had never told anyone about . . . those images flared to my mind.

With a muffled curse of disgust at myself, I pushed Alix away. “No . . . what the fuck are you thinking?” I muttered to myself. “Get a hold of yourself.”

Without thinking, I turned and ran down the last bit of pier toward the beach, back to Alix’s place, not slowing until I was in my car. I fled from the beast locked inside me, the beast that I could never let Alix see.





Chapter 7





Alix




In one moment, I was in pure bliss. I’d spent the whole weekend with a man who was everything I wanted. Then, in something as natural as breathing and as irresistible as the sun’s gravity, we were there, on the Hermosa Pier, our lips pressed together and his arms wrapped around me. I’d never felt safer, never felt more secure or more complete than when his lips pressed against mine.

In an instant though, my entire world was shattered. “No . . . what the fuck are you thinking?” Kade muttered as he pushed me away, disgust written on his face with every pore of his skin and twist of his handsome features. “Get a hold of yourself.”

I could only stare and watch as Kade nearly ran away from me in utter disgust and hatred, like I was a leper or something. My feet were in concrete, my knees turned to water and I sagged to the thankfully nearby bench. I stared at my hands, my brain just stuck trying to process the whole situation.

My inner voice started chastising me. Come on, Alix, you know it’s just what you deserve. Your Daddy left you, every boyfriend you’ve ever had left you. Sydney was so bored and repulsed by you he was constantly finding other women. Then you go and try and seduce the best guy in your life, Kade? No wonder he pushed you away, one touch from your lips probably told him everything he needed to know about you. He gives you the money, and you leap into his arms. You would have fucked him, too, if he’d given you half a chance, you stupid slut.

“No, no, no, no,” I repeated to myself, over and over. It had to be all lies, wasn’t it? There was no way I was that worthless.

I mean, sure, Daddy never contacted me after Mom took me away, but that was my mother’s fault, wasn’t it?

Sydney was a cheating bastard. I’d never done anything to give him a reason to cheat on me, I’d been the best girlfriend I knew how to be. Right?