Dinner, Sex and a Movie(15)

Emma:

How so?



Jake:

Well, take a look at Pennsylvania. Lots of German and Welsh settlers.



Emma:

And Swedes. What about them?



Jake:

Yeah, them too. Anyway, the Welsh called the Germans “Dutch, ” the Germans called the Welsh “English” –



Emma:

And they both called the Native Americans “Indians.”



Jake:

What chance did we stand after that?



Emma:

I see your point. But what did the Swedes do?



Jake holds up his thumb and forefinger, indicating a measurement of about an inch.



Jake:

Made these small red fish. Similar to gummy bears.



Emma:

Oh, I like those.



Jake:

Swedes?



Emma (smacking Jake in the head):

Moron. The candy. But the Swedes are OK, too.



Jake puts a disc in the DVD player and begins pushing buttons on the remote.



Emma:

What are we watching?



Jake:

It’s called Kill Factor 9.



Emma:

That’s you, alright. But I like this movie why?



Jake:

This is the movie John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara would have made, if they hadn’t already signed on to The Quiet Man. Fifty years earlier.



Emma:

What’s the premise?



Jake:

Terrorist kidnaps brilliant scientist, forces him to build the ultimate weapon.



Emma:

You realize this was originally done by Moe, Larry, and Curly.



Jake:

I think I’ve gotten drunk in Larry Fine’s house. It’s in Philly.



Emma:

I heard that. So what happens?



Jake:

Hero and Heroine teach everyone a lesson by killing them all, pausing only to fall in love.



Emma:

Then they save the scientist and the world.



Jake:

No, I think the bomb detonates, actually. The world ends in an expanding, backlit flash as they kiss in the foreground.



Emma:

Sounds awesome. Now that that’s done, can we just skip it?



Jake:

Too late, see? – It’s started.



Emma (in mock horror):

Oh my God.



Sounds of sporadic machine gun fire begin to emanate from the TV. Emma lies down with her head on Jake’s lap. He pets her hair, affectionately.



Emma (looking at the movie):

You have the power to make this stop.



Jake:

Correct. I’m in control here.



Emma:

For now. In about three hours, you are the Heartache Kid.



Jake:

I don’t believe you. There’s no reason for us to split.



Emma:

We’re watching a DVD. You don’t even have cable. Or blu-ray. Can you even download your own songs?



Jake:

I have this Rory Gallagher Stratocaster. That’s all I need. (Looking directly at her) That and a good woman.



Emma:

I like a man who wears a Rolex. Drives a Jag.



Jake:

You are richer than God. Have you seen your house? Or the car you drive?



Emma:

He has a black Jag, to go with my white Lexus. Salt and Pepper.



Jake:

Materialistic bitch. When I took the stage with my Strat, they had to hold the girls back. They rushed the stage in Cologne.



Emma:

You should have stayed there then.



Jake:

Where is your phone number written in Cologne? In one of the Kölsch breweries?



Emma:

Let’s assume I could make a one-time exception for you. There’s still the whole matter of whatever happened you-know-where.



Jake doesn’t respond.



Emma (looking directly at him):

I can’t sign up for damaged goods.



Jake:

This just in, you’ve got some issues yourself.



Emma (feisty):

Like what?



Jake:

I’m not biting that fishhook, female. It’s a no win.



Emma:

You brought it up. Male.



Jake:

In my own defense. You’re the one in attack mode.



Emma:

Talk. Tick tock, tick tock.



Jake (reserved):

I fell on my sword, but it didn’t kill me. The wound is still scarring over. That’s all you need to know.



Emma:

That was just about the worst answer you could have given if you wanted to escape. Now you’ve got me intrigued.



Jake:

Don’t be. Think of it as a warning to leave things well enough alone.



Emma:

Not really my style, Jake. I have to be able to trust you.



Jake:

Look at me. You can trust these eyes and this smile.



Emma (turning her head away, eyes closed, silently mouths):

I so want to.



Jake:

What was that?



Emma (out loud):

Not good enough. I gave you everything our first night. Opened my heart, soul, and legs wide. You can start with her name.



Jake (reluctantly):

Diana.



Emma:

That’s already bad.



Jake:

Why?



Emma:

Because you have a thing for Wonder Woman.



Jake:

Oh? How would you know?



Emma:

You left me alone for twenty minutes Wednesday night, remember? I scoured this place worse than you did mine. I found your collection. Strictly the bondage covers, I noticed. And you prefer me tied up.