Dear Bridget, I Want You(78)

I stood frozen while the woman spoke to her daughter. “Do you want to go in the ball pit?”

The little girl jumped up and down. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

“Okay, baby.” Gina stood and looked at me. “Excuse me a moment.” She disappeared to help her daughter into the ball pit, and then came back. Motioning to the side of the table she’d been sitting at, she said, “I need to be able to keep my eye on her while she’s in there. Do you mind if I sit on this side?”

I just kept standing there. After she settled into her seat, she looked up at me. “Do you want to speak to me, or did you just want to swab Olivia?”

“Olivia?”

“My daughter. I assumed that’s why you were here instead of Dr. Hogue.”

Blinking a few times, I finally snapped out of it and sat down. I don’t know what I’d expected—perhaps it was me screaming at her, or her running away from me when she realized who I was, but sitting down to speak in a civil manner was not it.

Gina at least had the decency to look embarrassed. Staring down at the cup of coffee on the table in front of her, she shook her head and let out a shaky breath. “I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t come for an apology. I came because I need to know why. Why did he turn to you?”

“He didn’t love me. It was…just an affair…just…sex.”

Ben and I’d had a normal sex life; at least I thought we did. Sensing her answer wasn’t enough for me, Gina continued, “The only thing he ever told me about your marriage was that you were trying to get pregnant again. He’d told me that you guys struggled the first time and…well…he alluded to the fact that you had stopped having spontaneous sex and that it had become something more planned. I guess around your cycles and all. He didn’t go into details or anything.”

Ben and I had struggled to conceive Brendan, which resulted in fertility testing and my eventual diagnosis of polycystic ovary syndrome. A few years ago, we’d tried to get pregnant again. It was probably about a year before he died—which would have coincided with the start of his affair with this woman. During that time, our sex life was sort of scheduled in order to try and increase the chances of my conceiving at certain times. That was enough to make my husband stray?

I shook my head. “You knew he was married from the beginning?”

Gina’s face turned red, and she looked nervous to answer. “Yes.”

“How could you? How would you feel if it were your husband?”

“I don’t have any excuse, other than to say I wasn’t a good person before the accident. And it wasn’t just what I’d done to you. When my father was sick, I didn’t visit him often. When I was up for a promotion at work, I spread rumors about the other candidate having a drinking problem in order to win the position over him. I put myself, and my wants and needs, above everything. Basically, I was selfish and didn’t think about the effect I was having on other peoples’ lives.”

“And now? Are you saying that’s changed?”

She looked down. “It has. At least I’m working on it.”

I stared out the window for a few moments. Oddly, I didn’t want to scream and yell anymore. I just wanted to put this whole thing behind me. “Does she look like him?”

She shook her head. “No, she doesn’t. And we always used condoms. Ben was really good about it.”

I scoffed. “How big of him.”

“Like I told your boyfriend, I really don’t think she could possibly be Ben’s. But I can’t be one-hundred percent positive because…you know.”

“Because you were sleeping with my husband at the same time you were cheating on your boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

“I’d like to swab her now. Perhaps we can do it in the ladies’ room. It will only take me a minute.”

“Yes, that’s fine.”

It was bizarre to go into the ladies’ room with my husband’s mistress and swab the little girl. Gina simply told her daughter to open her mouth so that the nice nurse could check her cheeks. The innocent little thing was none the wiser. By the time I was done, I was anxious to get the hell out of there. Gina, on the other hand, thought we’d become friends and could talk about boys while I packed up the test kit into my purse.

“So, you’re dating Dr. Hogue now?”

I glanced up at her in the mirror as I washed my hands in the sink.

She continued, “He seems like a good catch. Was pretty upset when he realized who I was and the connection we had.”

I grabbed a paper towel and attempted to ignore her. She still didn’t take the hint.