Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1)(54)

I turned and walked back to my room in silence. My room was now my research center for finding Grayson. I had my mother’s tapes in the room, and every day, I listened to them for clues I may have missed the day before. I read from the journal my dad had left for me, and wondered how he’d discovered so much in such a short amount of time.

Every night since he left, I dreamt of Jaeden and wondered if he ever thought about me. On the way back to the shelter the day Jaeden left, Lachlan explained that the elders were the lawmakers for the vampires and if they said they’d do something, they would. Anything they ordered was carried out with brutal efficiency. How Shamus convinced them that my dad was an asset and not a threat was nothing short of miraculous. My worries about the elders escalated when I found some damning information on one of my mom’s tapes and I had to confide in Lachlan.

Sentinels, it turned out, were hunters of vampires or any other creature that became out of control and a threat to humans. Their powers made them judge, jury and executioner all rolled into one, which explained quite a bit of changes I had been going through. Sentinels were invisible death. No wonder Shamus said that Sentinels were just rumor and myth. If the elders knew more about Sentinels than Shamus indicated, I had very little hope that Jaeden would be back unless it was to kill me.











Winter had arrived and snow was piling up, which meant most of the animals for meat were in hibernation. I spent most of the morning hours hoping Grayson was being fed, and taken care of. Our mother was a cold calculating bitch, so it was doubtful. My only hope was that she wanted him alive, because if she did, she’d have to feed and take care of him.

Days went by, and eventually the rogue pack gave up on an all-out attack. They had not managed to get through the shelter’s defenses, but they had made it impossible to go out at all. Maggie had developed an infection after she’d sustained a new injury; she’d been trying to overdo it with the need to make up for the time she was down. Her immune system was still compromised from surgery and she’d spiked a fever.

I waited as long as I could before I finally made the decision.

“I’m going for medicine,” I told Addy as she walked into my room as I was dressing in white camo snow pants and a hooded jacket that had fur trim. “The antibiotics I have aren’t doing the trick for Maggie.”

“Emma, you know it’s not safe out there. Those asshole rogues are still around.”



“And they won’t leave, but look; if I don’t go, she’s dead. I can’t let them force us to hide forever. I’m going to slip out and Lachlan, Aydan, and a bunch of his guys are going to distract them. It’s not like I’m just running out there and yelling here I am, bite me! We actually have a plan.”

“Emma, you’ve done nothing but walk around here like a flipping zombie for the past two months! I’m not losing you; if you wanna go, you take me with you!”

“Addison Kathryn Stokes, I will duct tape you and toss your ass in the pantry. I have a couple of things working in my favor these days; you don’t.” I blinked. She blinked. I looked up to find Lachlan watching us as I finished slipping my pack on.

“Two girls, duct tape, that sounds kinky as fuck,” he said with a cocky smile on his lips.

“Men,” I said as an image of Jaeden plagued me. I wasn’t over him, and the fact that I’d fallen after I’d tried so hard not to was driving me insane. His face haunted my sleep, and in it, he was always making love to me. The last time we’d gone at it, his hands had been gentle. It was more than fucking; he’d kissed me everywhere, and whispered things I’d never expected to hear from a man, and it was that time that I kept replaying in my head.

“Emma, we’re ready,” he said ignoring my eyes that I had dramatically rolled just for him. “Keep rolling those eyes, lass, and I’ll make your toes do the same.”

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“Like this,” he said with a cocky grin right before he pulled me to him and kissed me until my toes did just as he’d threatened to make them do. He was sweet, and for the first time since that incident in the showers months ago, I allowed his tongue to push inside, and when I did, he deepened the kiss. My body responded, and I allowed him to move his hands down my back as I placed mine on his chest.

It was an amazing kiss, but it didn’t make me delirious or lose my mind like Jaeden’s kiss did; not even close. Lachlan had skill, but it wasn’t similar or even close to the way Jaeden’s made me feel. I felt my core growing wet, and stopped him. “I’m—”

“It’s okay, lass; it’s a start, aye? He’s gone, but you’re still here,” Lachlan said with a knowing smile, as if he approved of how I’d reacted to his kiss.

I on the other hand was appalled at my behavior. I knew Jaeden was gone, but he’d stolen my heart and taken it with him. His departure had been so abrupt and unexpected that it had left a hole inside of me. If I slept with Lachlan, that’s all it would be, fucking. I just wasn’t made like that. I had an ache between my legs that only Jaeden could fill and a hole in my heart that only made it worse.

I walked to the door where I kissed Addy on the cheek and watched as Lachlan and a few of his men started to strip down for the change. Watching an entire group of hot men strip down to nothing while we watched them? Priceless.

“Take it in,” he said cockily and then shifted to wolf form right in front of us. It looked like it should’ve been painful, but the turn from human to wolf was effortless, as if a single thought could bring it on.

I’d never asked him about it, and figured it was none of my business. I liked that he flirted with me, but still gave me space to decide if I wanted it to go further between the two of us. There wasn’t that chemical reaction of atoms and molecules exploding when we touched, and that was what kept me from moving forward.

I opened the door and watched as the wolves fanned out in an aggressive formation and left the shelter to give me an actual shot at saving Maggie. I turned and looked at Addy with a small smile.

“I love you, bitch,” I said and wiggled my eyebrows.

“Don’t do that, Emma, you better come back to me. I can’t do this without you.”

“I’ll be back,” I said in my best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.





Chapter 30





It was a frozen wonderland outside. Inside the shelter, it was easy to forget how winter was in the Pacific Northwest. The trees had shed their leaves and layers of snow had replaced them. The sun was bright through the many trees that stood silently in the forest. The only sounds were my boots as they crunched against the snow, and my breath as I huffed out little clouds in the freezing air with each step.

It had taken me an hour and a half just to travel through the three feet of snow that had blanketed the forest floor. I was just nearing Newport as the sun started to set. “Just wait for me,” I told it. I clicked on the flashlight I’d brought and headed into the dark, frozen hospital.

It took another thirty minutes to just search through the many bottles and packets of medicine that someone had disturbed. Between the pile of bottles in the pharmacy, and the ice that had found a home with all of the broken windows, it was hell. I finally found what I had been looking for and smiled with victory. Lachlan and the others had yet to find me or radio that they’d gone back to the shelter. We learned early on that they couldn’t carry walkie-talkies with them when they shifted, so we had tried to talk Maggie into making them little doggie pouches or something to carry a radio or walkie-talkie in. Lachlan and his men didn’t think it was very funny.

I walked back outside and considered my options. The ice across the lake should be frozen enough to walk on by now, and without hearing from Lachlan, I didn’t dare go the way I’d come. I made the decision and headed towards the lake, but when I was almost there, I caught sight of an elk, standing proudly as he nosed the snow for the grass just beneath it. If I hadn’t gone through the change, I would never have seen him in the dark.

It was surreal. Sure, I’d seen many of them, but none this close. I smiled at it, and moved to step closer when the first wolf attacked it. I paused and looked around me, only to find more wolves coming out of the woods. I turned and ran with everything I had, tripping over the branches that hid beneath the snow’s deceptive depths. My bag weighed more than it should have, so I dropped it knowing the pills I needed for Maggie were safely in my zippered pocket.

The wolves’ intent must have originally been the elk; otherwise my early warning system would have gone off. Well that was a bit of a flaw with that kind of alarm. I looked back as they continued to give chase. I had no option but to try and outrun them. There were no trees close enough for me to climb, no place for me to hide. I heard the packed snow crunch under the heavy weight of one of the wolves, but refused to look back.

It wasn’t until I slid on ice that I paused. I turned and looked at the wolves that had stopped at the edge of the lake. I could hear the ice cracking in the distance. I turned and ran for the other side of the lake, knowing there wasn’t a chance in hell I’d actually make it, but knowing it wouldn’t kill me. Or at least, I hoped it wouldn’t. I had survived the cliff and bullets meant to kill me, so my odds were pretty good.