Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1)(45)

I didn’t need to know who had attacked us; it was becoming obvious to me. Whoever had done this came looking for something specific. Could it have been Grayson and I? That created a shit storm of questions. No one would want us unless we served a purpose. My mother had chosen our fathers specifically for their DNA and what part it was supposed to play in her fucked up scheme. I had a bad feeling about her and that entire situation, but this? Attacking women and children, which the shelter was full of? That was something I could never get past. This was unimaginable.

We had several dead, and none had been the girls I’d trained, but they’d been wounded and unable to assist the others to safety. Three wolves had also been wounded, which told me it had to be someone with knowledge of the supernatural since they’d been shot with silver nitrate. Lachlan had been quick to see it and show me how to heal them in case it ever happened again when he wasn’t here. He’d proven useful, and skilled in the sterile room. He obviously had medical training, and I would almost bet he’d earned his doctorate at some point in his long years.

I felt Jaeden’s presence, and could sense his anger. If it was directed at me, I couldn’t have cared less. I was hollow, and cold inside. My only thought was for the innocent lives that had been lost. I was blaming myself, and with good reason. I’d lost sight of what was important, and had become some brainless hussy who could think of little else, but him.

“This wasn’t your fault, and you can’t shoulder the blame,” he said as he sat beside me. He had left a small gap between us. Probably for the best. “You left before I could return this morning.”

“Your wife sent me home, right after you’d finished using me. She was even generous enough to give me something to wear before she told me to get out of her bedroom. You should really put a muzzle on that bitch.” Ouch, I sounded as cold as I felt.

“Is that what you think? That I used you, Emma?” his tone may have been soft, but I could hear the anger and possibly some hurt in it.

“Just like all the others she bragged about you two doing this to,” I said through clenched teeth. “Go away, Jaeden.”

“Not like this. Not when you believe that load of shit, and certainly not with you here shouldering the blame for this attack. You’re planning to hunt them down, but if they could do this, they had to have the numbers and cunning to do it. Let us help you.”

“You’ve helped me enough,” I said bitterly.

“So we’re going to play it like that? You regret staying with me last night,” he said with a cold smile.

I shoved my hair away from my face and leveled him with a look of cold disdain. “You’ve had your fun. Run back to Barbie, because I’m done playing around. I have one job to do and that’s this shelter. I shouldn’t have been with you, and I knew better. I don’t belong in your world any more than you belong in mine.”

“If that’s what you want, Emma, fine; you can think like that tonight, but not forever.” He leaned close and his husky voice in my ear sent sparks to other parts of my body, even after everything that had happened. “I’m not done with you though. I’ve tasted your desire and I’m not finished with you by a long shot. I understand the need to grieve, but you are too strong and stubborn; you don’t need to do the tough stuff alone,” he said reasonably.



“So what? You’ll just take it?” I snapped as I held back the tears of hopelessness I felt. He pulled slightly away to stare at me with hurt and angry eyes.

“You think so little of me that you think I’d take you with force? If two people meet and share a connection as we do, it changes us whether we want it or not. What we did last night wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg. You changed me, deeply and irrevocably. I get that right now you’re blaming yourself for being with me instead of where you were needed, but what the fuck could you have done? Addy told me what your brother said, and it sounds to me like they were here for something which they didn’t find. Someone they didn’t find. You’re not safe here, and I can protect you. The thing is, Emma, you must make a choice—to take a chance and trust me, or you could end up getting everyone you’re trying to protect killed.”

“It’s not that simple!” I cried.

“It is!” he shouted, getting to his feet. “I’ve lived for over a thousand years, and I’ve watched people make stupid decisions; let me help you. Let me protect you from whatever is trying to find you because I promise you, they know what they are doing, and this wasn’t just someone wanting what you have. This was personal. They have someone inside of this shelter, someone helping them to get to you. The people who were burnt? Your enemy knew that harming them would hurt you. That it would make you careless, and reckless to avenge them. Don’t be stupid. Life doesn’t always give you second chances, so take the first one. You were meant to die or be taken last night. Don’t give them another shot at you.”

“Get out,” I said no longer able to hide the tears. “Get out!” I screamed through tears that choked me. I hated him in this moment. He was wrong; I could have made a difference. Not one single bullet had been fired in defense, because like him, I was the general in my army. If I’d been here, this would have ended differently.

We wouldn’t have been so defenseless. I was pushing him away. I couldn’t even look at him without seeing the dead I’d have to bury this evening. He turned and left me sitting on the bench, and I sobbed. I thought he’d gone, but he wrapped his arms around me and held me through the worst of it.

When I thought I could cry no more, he placed his hands on my face and I did the same to him. I felt the weird sensation of being weightless, as if my entire world had faded away, and maybe it had. Before I knew what happened, I was transported from the showers to the crusades. Or at least, I think it was the crusades, going off the armor they wore and the ancient scene around me.

I looked around, and wondered at just who I’d slipped into this time. Last time it had been the battered woman, and I’d felt her pain. I looked down at my hands and bent my fingers. Manly fingers were covered in blood. I didn’t have long to wait to figure out who I was when Sven walked up and spoke in Jaeden’s language and this time I could understand. It had to be part of the craziness I was experiencing.

He continued speaking as he pointed to a pile of dead, cataloguing losses and gains, while a woman was screaming at Bjorn while he took her by force from behind. I didn’t feel sick as I should have; instead I felt pride consume me as I walked over to join in the debauchery.

The woman was terrified, but eventually her frightened screams turned to pleasure as Bjorn gave her what she wasn’t prepared for—his fangs. He drank deeply, and my own fangs responded. This was war, and in war there were spoils. Fucking King of England, this was not a war to recover the Holy Land for Christians; it was a sacking, plain and simple and to the victors go spoils.

“My turn,” I announced and watched as Bjorn shifted to his side, pulling her around without stopping what he was doing. The only indication he’d heard me was from his short respite of feeding from her.

“She’ll take us both,” he growled and rocked his hips as she moaned with the movement. “Won’t you?” She nodded at his words and I smiled coldly. I liked my women willing, but none had been as willing when we’d come to their shores at the beck and call of the king to claim their lands and loot their riches.

“What’s your name?” I asked of her as Bjorn spread her open for me to see his victory.

“Elizabeth,” she barely got out as I undid the tie of my trousers and pulled out my throbbing cock.



“I’m going to join my friend, do you mind if I fill you as well?” I asked, needing her to say yes. In all my years I’d never taken a woman who had told me no. Even war couldn’t change that, and when she screamed yes, I parted her legs and thrust inside of her willing pussy.

Men lay dead around us, their lifeless eyes staring into oblivion as we claimed their women. I watched as Sven undid his trousers, and pulled out his cock, and pressed it against her lips. She took it, even as he raised her hand to bite into her succulent wrist and drain her.

“Do not empty her; she deserves to live after she’s taken us all. Sven, if you wish, change her and place her in the ground,” I growled as Bjorn and I continued to fuck her tight holes together. This was often how we decided who our camp followers would be. Bloodlust often took hold after this much blood was spilled, and the result would leave me hard for days if not satisfied.

“Agreed, this nice of an ass is well deserving of my vote,” Bjorn said as he picked up his thrusting pace and Sven moaned in pleasure.

Seriously fucked up! I shook it off, but instead of being back in the shower as myself, I was still Jaeden and the people in the memory were dressed like something from a Renaissance Fair.

I watched as Astrid stood, watching my men, as they took willing partners wherever was convenient as was their custom. She turned and looked at me as I fought against one of the many men I was training. As her eyes sought me, I swung my sword with more vigor.