Dangerous Temptations(47)

I thought about Alex and how I still missed him. Memories of him flashed  through my mind-waking up next to him, kissing him in the kitchen,  screaming and pushing him away. He never once doubted his feelings for  me when I doubted all of mine.

There were still a lot of things I needed to get off my chest, many  things that needed to be said, but I was sure, once things calmed down,  we'd be able to talk them out.

That was if he was still willing to talk them out with me. I've been  pushing him away all week long, and I wasn't even sure I was ready for  that yet.

As soon as I stepped out of the bath, my phone starting ringing with  Staci's name flashing on top. "Yes?" I answered, wrapping my body in a  towel. "Didn't you get my text?"

She ignored my question as she asked, "Are you aware that you're flying  out to a rehab center this weekend for sex addiction treatment?"

I nearly choked, dropping my phone in the process.

"Shit," I muttered, stumbling to pick it up with my wet hands. "What are you talking about?"

"A resource close to the Lancaster family has confirmed Ms. Hewitt will  be enrolling herself into a rehab clinic this weekend to help with her  addiction to sex." I could tell she was reading something by how  controlled her voice sounded. "Ms. Hewitt has been struggling with this  for the past few months and with her impending nuptials, agreed to get  treatment."

I narrowed my brows, unsure if I should cry or laugh at the ridiculousness of the story. "That is just insane."

"Any guesses who the mole is yet?" she inquired.

I snorted. "Someone who clearly doesn't have their facts straight."

"Well, at least the last one was true."

"Ha, ha." I fake laughed. "Well, whoever it is must be making a pretty penny for their ‘impeccable knowledge.'"

"At least they gave you a good addiction this time. I'd rather be addicted to sex than heroine."

I laughed, remembering the story they had done on me early on, about how  I was addicted to drugs and smuggling money from William's company  money to pay for my habit. "Yeah, perhaps I should just move to  Antarctica. At least no one would follow me there." I grinned to myself.

"You never know. They'd probably hound you for having a fake tan and wearing faux fur."

I stepped into the bedroom area and grabbed some clothes to change into.  I planned to walk down the street to the Chinese place on the corner  and coming right back. "You always know how to cheer me up."

"It's what I do."

I laughed again, trying to wedge the phone between my shoulder and ear  as I dressed. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow morning. I'm going to eat and  crash."

"All right. I'll call when the movers have loaded up all of your things."

"Shouldn't take long. I only have like two pieces of furniture and whatever is left in my closet."

"I'm not sure your shoe collection is even going to fit into my apartment."

"We'll make it fit." I smiled, knowing she was probably right. I  finished getting dressed as we said our goodbyes. I quickly brushed my  hair out and put my shoes on. I was ready to eat and crash.





I MADE IT back to the hotel in less than fifteen minutes. I was exhausted and ready for some low-key R&R.

Before the doors to the elevator shut, Alex's face came into view. What  the hell is he doing here? My body became paralyzed and my heart pounded  in my chest as he took a step toward me and stopped the doors from  sliding shut.
         

     



 
"What are you doing?" I asked after a moment of silence.

"I miss you, Mac."

I pulled my lower lip in between my teeth to stop myself from telling  him I missed him, too. I wanted to, but I just couldn't allow myself to  do it. Not after the way things had ended.

"Sorry … I can't say the same," I lied. His eyes burned into mine, hurt and pain mirroring back at me.

"I don't believe a fucking word of that," he shot right back, stepping  toward me and pinning me to the wall. "You're scared, Mac. And I don't  blame you for it, but stop pushing me away."

"I wish it was that easy, Alex."

I closed my eyes as his hand cupped my face and he brought his lips down  to mine. I hesitantly kissed him back, fighting the urge to wrap my  arms around him and pull him closer.

"Please, Mac." I heard the desperation in his voice as he pulled back  slightly. "I can't stop. My heart can't stop wanting you." I knew  exactly how he felt. My heart and mind have been fighting for weeks over  him.

"The heart wants what it wants … " I said, looking up and seeing the pleading look in his eyes. "I just wish it didn't want you."

He placed both of his hands flat against the elevator wall on each side  of me and leaned his forehead against mine, our heavy pants mimicking  each other. "Don't say that. You can't mean that."

I swallowed, my mind spinning a thousand miles a minute. I was  constantly fighting myself with how much I wanted him and how much I  wished things were different. "You hurt me," I explained. "Our entire  relationship is based on lies."

He forcefully pushed himself off the wall and took a step back. I could  see his internal struggle as he roughly brushed a hand through his hair,  contemplating what to do next. He spun around and looked at the doors  that had shut, but we hadn't moved yet.

"She killed herself," he finally said, his back to me still.

"What?" I gasped.

"That day I came home early, sick from school. The nanny found her. She  had hung herself. By the time she got to her, she was already dead. She  called 9-1-1 immediately, but it was too late."

"Oh my god … " I whispered, clasping a hand over my mouth.

He finally spun around and looked at me, his eyes empty as he continued.  "Dad paid them off to not file a report. He then claimed she had been  battling cancer and they hadn't made it public before because she was  getting better. He then made up some elaborate lie about how it spread  quickly and she ended up dying from kidney failure." I heard the words  he was saying, but they weren't absorbing. I couldn't believe William  would go through all that trouble to keep his wife's suicide a secret.  "He was ashamed," he added. "He was worried it'd affect him negatively  and people would see him as weak or a failure. He made everyone involved  sign an NDA and paid them to stay quiet."

"And now he holds it against you … " I said, connecting it all together finally. "Spill it and there goes your trust fund."

He nodded. "There'd been other times growing up he had me sign  something, ensuring I kept my mouth shut of all the Lancaster family  secrets."

I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't believe I bought it. He had me  completely fooled." I was pissed-even more than I was before. However,  the only thing I could focus on was how grateful I felt toward Alex. Had  he not barged his way into my life, I would've married a man who was a  complete stranger to me. Alex stepped in front of me, sadness in his  features and eyes as he rubbed a hand up my cold arm. "Thank you," I  began. "Thank you for telling me."

"No more secrets, Mac. No more lies. I promise." I heard the sincerity  in his voice. But a nagging part of me just couldn't let myself give in.

"I need to go … "

"Let me go with you."

I shook my head and looked down. "I can't. Not right now." I swallowed and looked back up at him. "I'm sorry."

The elevator dinged and started moving. I braced myself against the  wall, knowing someone was going to be entering in just a matter of  seconds.         

     



 

He ended up walking me to my door. "I'm moving in with Staci tomorrow."

"I know."

I fidgeted with my key, fighting with myself on what to say to him. "The  rumors aren't going to stop, Alex. Whoever is talking will keep going  until they destroy us. The press is now obsessed, and it's just not  something I think I can handle on top of everything else. Just to have  some privacy, we'd have to keep everything a secret, again."

"How much time do you need?" he asked, taking me off guard. His tone was  deep, gravelly. "Tell me how much time you need to process everything."  He knew I wasn't comfortable being in the media. And I knew being with  him or having any involvement with the Lancaster's would put me right in  the middle of it.

"I don't know … I don't know how to get over this pain." I hated that I  couldn't give him what he was asking, that he was right in front of me  begging me to want him, and all I could do was push him away.

He nodded in understanding, taking a step closer and cupping his hand  under my jaw. "I'll wait for you … but if you'd let me, I'll spend the  rest of my life proving to you how sorry I am." His eyes burned into  mine, making my entire body tense up as a nervous shiver ran down my  spine. "Please … don't make me wait too long." My eyes closed as he leaned  in and brushed his lips gently over mine. And without another word, he  turned around and walked away.