Dane(95)

"I'm willing to do anything if it means Gabi will be okay. That's all I've ever wanted."

He pointed to Gabi next to me and said, "You need to tell her."

I nodded and turned to face Gabi again. "From the very beginning, all I wanted was to protect you. I thought I knew what I was saving you from, but I was so wrong. All this time, I've been trying to make up for the wrong things. I never understood why nothing seemed to be good enough with us. I thought they were, but looking back on it, I was only fooling myself. If you weren't crying or hiding in bed all day, I assumed that meant things were looking up. I had no idea the demons never left, because I never knew they existed." 

Gabi took my hand, and when she spoke, her words were the complete opposite from what I expected to hear. "I held you back for so long, Dane. I couldn't let you go, no matter how much I knew you suffered being with me. I was selfish … and you were always so selfless, eager to give me everything. I had nothing without you, and I wasn't ready to give that up. I can't tell you how sorry I am, but I need you to know how grateful I am that I had you there. Without you, I would've given up a long time ago, and I never would've been able to get the help I needed. I don't blame you for leaving. I'm surprised it took you this long, but I truly am thankful you stuck it out long enough to get me to this place, where I'm finally ready to sort through everything."

I glanced at Dr. Thomas sitting in front of us, and reached for the manila folder on the table. I held onto it, needing to explain it first before giving it to Gabi. "I will always want what's best for you, Gabs. I know how hard this must've been to come here and face these skeletons. You've fought against it for so long, and I don't want there to ever be a reason you don't continue seeking help. I know money is a big concern for you, and I don't want it to be any longer."

When I handed her the folder, she took it from me, but she didn't open it. Instead, she sat with it in her lap and stared into my eyes, waiting for clarification.

"I'm in the process of finding a house. I realized that purchasing the condo had been for you, as well as everything inside. None of it belongs to me. You should have it. That way, you don't have to be concerned about where you'll go when you get out of here. I know you still have three weeks, but I know how your mind operates, and you'll be hung up on that instead of focusing on healing."

Without looking at the contents inside, she passed it back to me. "I don't want it, Dane. That was our place. Our bed, with memories we made together. That's where we planned to bring home our baby. If I don't have you there with me, I don't want it."

"I've already had the papers drawn up to transfer the title into your name. I paid off the mortgage, so you don't have to worry about it, either. I want to give this to you so you don't have anything keeping you from getting better. After being here, you'll still need therapy, outpatient care, medications. And I don't want you spending all your time working a full-time job just to support yourself, because you'll need time to take care of yourself."

Gabi smiled and wiped away a falling tear. "I appreciate that. And I love you for trying to take care of me, but I can't accept it. You've sacrificed so much for me as it is, and at some point, I have to learn how to do that for myself. I'll be okay. I promise. I'll figure something out. This is all new to me, and if I need help, you'll be the first person I'll turn to. But not like this."

I reluctantly took the folder and sat in my seat feeling defeated. My goal was to make sure she was all right so I could move on with my life. I'd never be able to put this all behind me as long as I continued to worry about her. And I'd never stop worrying about her until I knew she was capable of standing on her own two feet.

Dread consumed me on my drive to work. It was almost lunch time, but I wasn't hungry. I couldn't shake the overwhelming realization that Eden had been right. As long as Gabi was a part of my life, I couldn't make Eden the priority she deserved to be.





21





I'd barely made it three feet inside the glass doors of my office building before being stopped by Janette. She knew I had a session with Gabi and would be late, and I halfway wondered if she'd been waiting on me, ready to pounce with her motherly concern.



       
         
       
        

"How'd it go? How's she doing?" She touched my arm with gentle comfort and then shifted to the side to keep our conversation private.

"She's better. Surprisingly better. I actually hadn't expected to see this much positive change in her in such a short amount of time. It's only been a week, and after seeing her today, I feel confident in this place. I can only imagine how she'll be after three more weeks of the same."