Crush (Crash #3)(86)

I didn't wait for a reply. I ran for the elevator, hoping I'd make it to the car before the last two minutes had caught up with me. As it was, I felt like I was hyperventilating.

What Anton had said might have been true, but none of it mattered. I was with Jude. I wanted Jude. There was no Anton and Lucy when I'd given my heart to Jude Ryder four years ago.

I had no doubts that if you plugged Anton and me into a compatibility computer, we'd come out on the other end together. I knew that, but it didn't change anything. His rubbing that in my face when my fiancé was across the country, while I was an emotional, hormonal wreck, was not what I needed right now.

As soon as the elevator doors opened, I ran through the lobby, shoved through the revolving door, and continued my sprint to the Mazda. I was pulling my phone from my purse before I knew I'd gone searching for it. As if my fingers had a mind of their own, they punched in a number as I crawled into the car.



       
         
       
        

Jude answered on the first ring. "Hey, Luce."

Just hearing his voice unleashed the flood of emotions I'd been trying to hold back. I started sobbing. Hard-core, rocking, choking sobs. The kind I'd experienced only in the days after my brother's murder.

"What's the matter, Luce?" Jude's voice was tight with worry. "Shit. Are you all right? Where are you?" He was frantic, and it sounded like he was running.

I inhaled and counted to five, trying to compose myself enough to reassure him I wasn't dying in some back alley. "I need you, Jude," I sobbed. "I'm sorry. I know it's late and I know you've got practice in the morning"-it was next to impossible to get words out, and each one felt like a victory-"but I need you."

I heard him curse under his breath. I don't know if my idea of composing myself had calmed him or made him more panicked. "I'm coming, baby. I'm coming," he said, definitely running now, because I could hear the air cutting through the phone. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

I hated feeling so weak, like I needed someone else to hold me together, but I tried not to focus on that. I tried to focus on how lucky I was to have someone to call when I needed to be held together.

"Thank you," I whispered as I tried to start the car. My hands were shaking, making it difficult.

"Are you safe, Luce?" he asked. "Are you hurt?"

I knew he was talking about the physical safe and hurt, so that was why I replied, "Yes, I'm safe, and no, I'm not hurt."

"Where are you?" he asked, before talking in a clipped tone to someone. A taxi driver, maybe?

"I'm in my car. I'm heading back to the apartment."

"Are you okay to drive?"

I took a few more deep breaths until my shaking stopped. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Okay, Luce. Wait for me at the apartment. I'm on my way, baby."

"Thank you." There was nothing else I could say.

"I love you, Luce." His voice was still anxious, but it soothed me.

"I know, Jude," I said. "I know."

I hoped he would feel the same way once I told him everything I'd been keeping from him.

After a teary drive home, I found Holly waiting for me. Thomas and LJ were gone.

"Did you get off work early?" I asked, faking a smile.

"Jude called me," she said, pulling me into her arms. "He was freaking out and asked me to meet you here until he flew in."

"I'm sorry you had to leave work early," I said, melting into her arms. 

"That's not what I'm worried about," she said, steering me toward the couch. "I'm worried about you. What happened?" She inspected me as she sat me down. "Jude said you'd told him you were okay, but he wasn't so convinced."

"I'm okay in the way he was worried about," I said, as she slid my heels off.

"Jude's worried about you being okay in all the ways you can be, Lucy," she said, grabbing the pillow and blanket over on the chair.

"I know he is. And I guess I'm both okay and not okay. If that's even possible." I let Holly ease me down on the couch until my head crashed into the pillow.

"What happened?" she asked as she layered the blanket over me.

Suddenly, just having my feet up and my head on a pillow, I felt exhausted. Utterly spent from the month, the day, and the past hour. It had all caught up with me, and my body was going to revolt if I didn't let it shut down for a while.

"I'll tell you later, Holly," I said, yawning as I closed my eyes. "Will you wake me when Jude gets here?"

"Of course, Lucy," she said. "Sleep tight." She pressed a kiss to my temple, and then I was asleep.