Country Roads(117)

Jimmy set his elbows on his knees. He cleared his throat but his voice still came out low and raspy. “I’ve been thinking a lot since Saturday. About Saturday and before that.” He laced his fingers together and cracked his knuckles. “One of the things you’re supposed to do in AA is make amends to the people you’ve hurt with your drinking.”

Paul started to interrupt, but Jimmy stopped him. “You’re one of them. You’ve given up a hell of a lot for me. And then I go and repay you by doing something stupid like I did Saturday.”

Paul let his brother take the time he needed.

“I got scared last week,” Jimmy said, looking down. “Real scared because of your job offer. I know Terri made you swear not to leave me alone even when Eric wasn’t staying with me, because she was afraid I’d go over to her house and get violent. I was scared you’d take the job and she’d move away with Eric to put distance between her and me.”

A couple of tears spilled onto Jimmy’s cheeks and he scrubbed them away with the back of his hand.

“Jim, you know I wouldn’t do that,” Paul said, feeling the usual exasperated frustration rubbing at him like sandpaper.

Jimmy nodded and swallowed hard before he said. “Yeah, but Saturday I lost it and I tried to drown the fear in booze. I didn’t even want it, but I kept drinking because I couldn’t face the idea of a life without Eric.”

Paul felt his mouth twist into a grimace of understanding. Hadn’t he just felt the same way about a future without Julia?

Jimmy lifted his eyes and looked at Paul straight on. “I called Adam on Tuesday and went to talk to him. We’ve talked a lot since then. I understand something really important now. You are not responsible for keeping Eric in my life. I am. If I don’t love my son enough to stay sober even when he’s not around, then I don’t love him enough. Period.”

Paul sat forward as his brother said the words he’d always hoped to hear.

“I’ve made a commitment to myself and to Terri and most importantly to Eric, although he doesn’t know it,” Jimmy said. “I will stay sober for the rest of my life, one day at a time, because I love my son down to the bottom of my soul.”

Conviction rang in Jimmy’s voice, and Paul felt a tightness in his throat.

“I told you about making amends, so I went to see Terri.” Jimmy picked up his glass and took a sip of tea. “I told her how sorry I was about what I’d done to her and our family.” He looked at Paul over the top of the glass. “I asked her to release you from your promise.”

Paul was afraid to hear Terri’s answer. “It’s not a promise; it’s a legal document.”

Jimmy ignored him. “After we talked for a long time, she said she’d be willing to consider it as long as I keep going to the AA meetings.” Jimmy dropped his gaze, his throat working. “She thinks I’m being a good dad to Eric nowadays.”

Paul had to swipe at his own cheeks to dry them. His brother had finally found the strength to be a worthy father to Eric.

His brother straightened abruptly to look Paul in the eye. “I’m going to earn your way out of that promise to Terri, I swear. I’m going to make sure you’re free to live your own life again.”

Paul felt something like hope unfurl in his chest. His brother might have a long road to walk, but at last he was taking the first real steps. Paul stood and walked over to him. “Jimmy, you’ve made me proud.” He opened his arms, and Jimmy rose and stepped into the embrace. Paul hugged him hard. “Real proud.”





Chapter 30




JULIA HELD THE edges of Darkside’s portrait gingerly as she jabbed her elbow against the buzzer. Claire had closed the Gallery at Sanctuary for the day to get ready for the exhibition that evening, so the front door was locked. Belle Messer, the gala auction organizer, had persuaded Claire to exhibit the portrait tonight to drum up interest in the gala and perhaps entice some big spenders to attend.

The door swung open, and Tim Arbuckle towered over her. “Let me give you a hand with that,” he said in his rumble of a voice.

“Thanks but it’s still got some wet spots. Just point me to an easel.” She’d gone over to her studio that morning to put some finishing touches on the painting, adding her signature in bright turquoise blue so any prospective bidders could see it clearly.

Tim led the way to an easel set at an angle in one corner of the gallery. “Claire wants it here in the lights, away from everything else. Displayed like a rare and precious gem, she said.”

Claire’s description brought some welcome warmth to the fog of desolation surrounding her. Julia gave Tim a grateful smile and eased the canvas onto the stand.