Claiming Serenity(55)

But he couldn’t admit anything to her. Not if he didn’t want her disappearing completely. “What do you mean? It… um… was same as always.”

“You think so, huh?” When Donovan nodded, Layla stared down at her fingers, fiddling with the band on her silver watch. “I thought it was different.”

“Why? Because I went easy with you?” She gave off clues, small signs that told Donovan that she itched to reject him. Sighs, the stiff way she leaned away from him, how she avoided his touch. He’d scared her the last time, he caught that easily enough and so Donovan wouldn’t let her think that things had changed. He needed her to lead him. He needed her to promise that whatever happened, she wouldn’t walk away from him. He just couldn’t bear that.

“I was keyed up after that fight and I was tired. But being inside you, wanting to stay inside you the whole next day?” It all sounded stupid, harsh and Donovan dismissed the faint lines that dented with her frown. “That was just me wanting to be a little greedy.” He stepped closer and she let him, she at looked up at him, but she didn’t smile, didn’t seem to think his lame attempt at a joke was funny. “Did you think it meant something else? Did you think I was too easy? Too soft? Did you think I wanted to stay in bed with you because I like your company? You know better than that, princess.” He was deflecting, he knew it, but he couldn’t give her the truth. Not then. Maybe not ever.

“I should be used to your mouth by now.” He didn’t think she said that for him. Donovan got the feeling, in fact, that Layla was reminding herself of who he was to her, who he’d always be.

“Yeah, you really should be,” he said, moving to her side on the table. She slid over, kept her distance from him and he grinned, seeing a small flicker of that stubborn spark that always lit her up. “You still didn’t answer me.”

“Donovan, I told you, I’ve been busy. I’m trying to do whatever I can to get my shit together before graduation in the spring. Parsons is competitive.”

“Parsons? As in New York Parsons?” He cleared his throat, trying to wave off how tight his voice sounded.

“Yeah.” Those great big eyes shifted toward his face and Donovan noticed the small dip of her mouth, how her eyebrows pulled together as though she wondered why his voice had sounded a little anxious. “My dad wants me to be doing something productive if I’m in New York instead of living in a closet trying to break into the fashion industry. I have a good shot at it.”

He didn’t like her being gone, being so far up north, unprotected and then it hit him; just then, right then, Donovan understood how much he would miss her. Shit, how had that happened? What would happen when he couldn’t see her for months at a time? When she was somewhere else and he was stuck in Cavanagh?

“Well, um… cool.” Now he was the one not overly eager to look into her eyes. Donovan ran the heel of his Chucks along the floor, smudging the gray tile while he tried to get his thoughts in order. He didn’t want to worry about Layla. He didn’t want to care enough to worry, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. Still, she didn’t need to know that. “Just answer me this. You done with me?” Finally he looked at her, expecting something vicious, something that would deflate him, to leave her mouth. It was something she always did, something he’d learned to almost like. “You want to stop coming to me?”

“I might.”

Donovan nodded, clenching his jaw to keep from glaring at her. “You find someone else?”

He didn’t breathe for a minute, not just then. Not when she stared at him like she was thinking of the best insult to level at him, but when she spoke, the only venom Donovan found in that room came from his own impatience.

“No. I haven’t.”

“Then why stop?”

“Things were different last time. I didn’t like it. It got a little intense.”

“Layla, it was just sex.” He wanted to kick his own ass for that lie. It tasted rotten, bitter on his tongue.

She paused again, opened her mouth as though she wanted badly to say something, but she didn’t and then Donovan saw that spark completely burn out. She breathed low, shoulders falling just a bit and he tried not to let that expression, the sadness she tried so hard to keep off her face give him any hope. She stood then, pulled her bag onto her shoulder but didn’t leave. “Nothing was different? It didn’t mean anything?”

He debated what he should say. Something shifted in her eyes, a small flicker of the spark he’d just see leaving her. And Donovan wanted to tell her the truth. He wanted to admit to her that things had changed. But she was a Mullens and he was a Donley. He was broken, still, by the heartache of betrayal. She was light and funny and full of something that he was starting to feel he was too dirty to touch. She had plans away from him and he couldn’t face the rejection he knew she’d leave behind.