Change of Hart(86)

“I don’t . . . I don’t understand,” Addison said softly. I could tell she was starting to realize that maybe I wasn’t a lying, cheating bastard after all. “Why didn’t you tell me this, Jason? We’ve talked about Sara before. I don’t . . . get it.”

I looked at her. “Do you remember that conversation we had in the car after the gala? You asked why celebrities date celebrities.”

Realization crossed her face. “Because celebrities keep their mouths shut about each other.”

I shrugged. “It’s not my secret to tell.”

“Which I’m normally thankful for,” Sara said. “But right now Elaine and I both want to kick his ass for not telling you this sooner.”

Addison turned to look at Sara. “But why is it such a big secret?”

Sara sighed. “Two reasons, actually. The first has to do with my public image. My publicist and agent and everyone know. We’ve had discussions and decided that if I’m going to have a sexy bombshell image, we need to let people see that public image. It kind of sucks, but with Elaine being my manager, she still gets to travel with me and we live together. We’ve learned to deal with it. We look at it as the same kind of situation a rock star might be in . . . sure he may be married with kids and on the PTA. But when he’s on stage, he’s a flirt who drips of sex appeal and makes everyone want him. Same thing.”

“What’s the second reason?” Mick asked.

“That one is not as easy to answer,” she said with a sigh. “I grew up in an extremely judgmental, religious home. Not like Elaine’s,” she said with a smile. “Elaine’s family loves Jesus and goes to all kinds of Bible studies. But there is not a judgmental bone in their bodies. They don’t necessarily agree with us, but they love Elaine and me for who we are. Truth be told, it makes me like their Jesus, too,” she said with a smile. That smile faded quickly. “But my family . . . if they knew I was living with a woman, the very strained relationship I already have with my parents would be severed. My mom has been sick in recent years and I just don’t feel comfortable coming out of the closet knowing I might not have enough time left to fix it if our relationship went wrong.” She shrugged. “Again, it sucks, but Elaine gets it. And she’s ok with it.”

Addison nodded. I could see the wheels turning in her brain as she processed all this new information. We all sat quietly, watching her sort through it all. Finally, she closed her eyes as she prepared what she wanted to say. This had shaken her to her core. I wasn’t about to push her to explain how she felt.

“I get it. I do,” she said. “I understand why you couldn’t tell me the truth about Sara. That’s her story to tell and there’s a lot at stake if word got out.” I nodded in agreement. “But why didn’t you tell me you had to stay in New York? Why didn’t you tell me you were going out on a publicity date before I had to find out about it from Samantha?” The tears started flowing down her cheeks again. “Do you know how that felt? Like . . . like . . .”

“Like it was happening all over again?” I said, finishing her thought for her.

“Exactly,” she said. “Like it was happening all over again. And I kept thinking, what did I do to deserve this? Why did it have to happen? Twice?” She was full-on crying now and I couldn’t keep myself away any longer. I swiftly moved off my chair and kneeled between her legs, cupping her face in my hands so she would look me in the eyes.

“Do you know I have been beside myself all day, knowing that my stupidity made you feel that way? Ask Sara . . . I’ve been driving her crazy.” I wiped some of her tears away with my thumbs. “I never, ever wanted to make you feel like you weren’t the most important thing in my life. Addison,” I said, scooting a little closer and wiping her hair off her face. “I am so fully, completely in love with you. I didn’t want to tell you that in front of an audience, but you need to know the truth. I have been in love with you, well, probably since the day you first walked into that stadium. I never, ever want to make you feel like he did.”

She was sobbing now as her body collapsed forward into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, around this woman I loved so much, and just let her cry it out. When she calmed down enough, she pulled away and looked around for something. Sara apparently anticipated this move and quickly handed her a tissue.

“I feel so stupid, being all dramatic about something that didn’t actually happen,” Addison said with a grimace.